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Still alive and kicking.. just too occupied with life ; )

Long weekend

Dear Amir,

It's another long weekend this week. Last week, we kinda wasted the weekend away nursing my stiff neck. Man, it was frustrating.

This week is quite different. On Saturday, we went to visit baby Mike. Mia was not home but Yazid was there. Both of you were indifferent towards each other then. Later that eve, Tok Ma came over to fetch you for iftar at Tok Ayah Man's.

On Sunday, we went to hang out at Aunty Hetz's while Papa went to a workshop nearby. I watched 2 final episodes of Grey's Anatomy latest season (most anticlimax ending ever). You had 2 pcs of brownies and was not on good terms with Yazid... so much for playdate la konon. We invited them over for iftar at our place since I was in the mood to cook (ayam golek to be exact).

So we had dinner with great company. My ayam golek came out pretty well. And both you and Yazid were finally playing peacefully with each other. Though you seem to prefer his dad more.. haih! Sarah on the other hand were enjoying all the socialising given that she's always left at home with Kakak. So she bounce, giggle, shriek, chuckle, bounce again - none stop.

Today, we were set on staying in and taking it easy. At first we just enjoyed a slow morning, playing with Adik, watching her perform her latest stunt, lifting her chest AND butt simultaneously before slamming her face on the floor.

But I didnt feel like sitting still, so we went over to Tok Ma's (my fav 'grocery shop') and picked up a few things, went back and baked! I made lemon butter cake (Tok Ma's fav) and then let you help me with cornflake cookies. You helped to break the eggs, pour the sugar, scoop the butter and then, the ultimate task.. lick the batter off the utensil CLEAN!

Dap 'kek' mama masak..

Amir makan (dgn) jari keh??

Dap angaaatt..

Yes dear, it's an evil evil treat.. sekali sekala jelah k?

Then we had a playful shower and you retire as a sugarloaded yet tired little baker.

August retrospectively

Dear Amir,

August was a whirlwind month for us so it's expectedly quiet in here. There's the takeover of a big project in K. Selangor, Pak Ngah's wedding in Endau and Alor Setar, then our short trip to Penang, our low key uncelebrated 4th anniversary, Tok Ma's and Che' Su's bday, Tok Ma & Tok Pa's uncelebrated 30th anniversary, Tok Ma's admission to hospital (again), 5 tenders to complete and company account submission.

I guess yang lain2 tu not a big deal but when Tok Ma was admitted that day due to hypertension mcm biasala everything went haywire (ie work, home, social, emotional, physical.. etc) cos we never learn our lesson the last time she was hospitalised and everyone is still patheheticly dependant on her like a baby. It's frustrating and i feel sad for her. But she has stabilised now and I am determine to not let her go back there, if only I can control what goes on in her overactive worrywart brain and of course how others act/say around her.

So Ramadhan is here, halfway through the course already. Only managed to go for terawikh once..heh. Out the first week (timing baikk punya.. ceh), 2nd week saw us working like zombies then I had stiff neck that went for 5 days, resulting in me crying like a baby 4 nites in a row due to excruciating throbbing pain whenever i lay my head on the pillow (Dahla bulan puasa, tido interrupted.. cannot properly sleep some more). We have been break fasting at Tok Ma's every day weekdays at her request cos she needs the help to clear up after dinner.. and it's fun that way too. Weekends are solely for Papa where i grant him his (menu) wish semampu mungkin. And we have rice for sahur... the complete rice with lauk pauk deal cos your dear Kedahan Papa just cant live without his fix of rice. So far manageable so I dont mind the cooking and stuff. In fact I dont really mind having less sleep nowadays.. perhaps cos Adik has established stable sleeping pattern at nite so i dont feel the rush to clock in hours of sleep as soon as she doze off kot. And i've learned to just let go and have my time now - give adik to kakak, let papa play with you and then sleep like a queen.. haha!

So Adik is 5 months old now. Unlike when it was your time, I didnt document her every single firsts for the last 5 months . Unlike when it was your time, this blog is not filled with what she did every single day or week. It's kinda sad but kinda expectedla kan.One thing about having a blog to jot down your development is that it helps to recall your progress, as benchmark for Adik's. So far, Adik is developing superbly. She's an expert at turning, either side. She can turn back to tummy to back. She can move her body backwards and in circle. She can lift up her upper body on both her hands. She's also starting to lift up her butt. Overall her progress is ok, alhamdulillah.. and she's also one bundle of happiness, always.

She cant keep still when we hold her up, she's the bouncing, jumping kinda baby, so unlike her calm and content brother. In fact, in terms of physique, she's lean and long (leggy lady) not round and stocky like you were.

She puts everything in her mouth and she drools a lot too. Now i know why they make supersmall bibs for small babies like her - never have to use them with you then. She love sucking on her fingers. She's showing sign that she's ready to wean. Smacking her lips when she smell food. Sucking on her thumb vigorously when she see us eat. I think I'll wean her off veryvery soon. Just waiting for her eczema to clear a bit before trying to feed her so that I can clearly identify if there's any allergy reaction. Paed diagnosed her with acute eczema, she cant be exposed to hot, stuffy places too long else her face'll develop red spots that looks like scalding marks. In fact, your uncles endearingly call her Si Tompok (my bros la ni, kerja sapa lagi?). Paed gave me some cream to put on those spots but it doesnt seem to work so we brought her to skin specialist who prescribed her with more cream. Frankly, i hate putting on those medic on her skin.. but who am i to wait it out and hope everything is fine without doing anything. Oh well, usaha and hope for the best.. the experts should know wat they're doing.

Oh, her fav person on this universe now is YOU. Nampak kelibat je she will chuckle and start jumping around. It melts my heart over and over again when I hear her gedik giggles playing with you. Yes, she sounds very gedik when she's chuckling/giggling.. or maybe i'm not used to a baby girl's sound cos boy, your voice were faar different back then.. very mm.. boyish? haha.. Apart from the giggles, she vocalise a lot, she likes to babble/shriek using her high pitch voice.. very 'makcik'-like. Just like you, she 'nags' herself to sleep.. (babble not stop when i cradle and sing lullaby for her)

As for you.. you've grown to become my best little chatterbox buddy ever. Your vocab has multiply tremendously and your words are now illustrated with full expression, so it's great fun to chat with you now. It's also much much easier to communicate with you since we can reason out with you now. You like to use expressive phrases like 'pun', 'lah','kot','amboi (my fav). You love stories, will ask us to tell you a particular story again and again then repeat the story for us in your own words.. total cuteness. But as usual, you prefer stories of your surrounding, ppl that you know, things that you like doing.. rather than stories from books which u cant relate to. You are also getting smarter, able to process logic and link between one info an another. You saw a premature baby on Nat Geo documentary the other day and exclaimed.. Baby sakit.. papa dia hisap rokok (referring to the 'baby' pic on a ciggy pack). When you see a tent, you'll say Uncle kawin.. banyak telorr.. (referring to bunga telur..)

As a big bro, you're still loving, helpful and protective. It's amazing looking such kind of big bro character in a young fella like you. You will help me to accompany Adik when she's fussing for milk while i'm making some for her. You'll say things like "Adik dont cry, Abang adeee.. ". When I ask you to hold the bottle for her, you will chat while feeding her. "Yaya nak susu? Mama buat, Amir egang (pegang)". And yes, when she cry and I'm at a dead end to make her stop, you'll contribute your own words like, "Dont cry Yaya, shhh.. notty ni.. notty Yaya." But of course, there are instances when you will show the siblings rivalry normalcy like fighting over Tok Ma's attention (rarely happen with me though, i wonder why), taking her toys away, insisting to sleep on her side of the bed. So i guess everything is normal.. better than expected perhaps.

Penang 2009 - Travelling with two

Dear Amir,

Last weekend, we went back to Alor Setar for Pak Ngah's wedding. It was our first trip driving back with both of you. (We didnt bring Sarah along to Endau for the bride's side a week earlier.. and thank God we didnt). The trip back was kinda ok with more stops than usual, hence longer than usual too. We stopped in K.Kangsar for the infamous pau (siap call to book upfront) and the ikan bakar lunch by the kuala. You didnt sleep till after lunch, which is so unlike you who normally fall asleep within 15 mins once we hit the highway. You were babbling all the way, commenting on every single thing you see. When you got tired, you asked for your carseat which we didnt bring to make space for Adik's one instead. Adik on the other hand is so unlike you when you were a baby. She's such a wakeful baby that she only took several short naps throughout the trip. But after K.Kangsar, it rained and you both sleep (you celah my ketiak, sandwiched by pillows) till Alor Setar.

The journey to Penang was smooth, both of you slept well till we board the ferry. It was your third time on Penang ferry ride, but this time you're old enough to understand and were enthusiastic about it, although you didnt really understand that we're on a ferry rather than just watching ferries sail by. On the other hand, it was Adik's maiden ride, and just like you she just doesnt get it and seems irritated by the wind.

Before checking in, we stopped by Hameediya to pack our nasi kandaq lunch. Upon arrival, both of you were ssooooo excited. You were literally running and jumping and shouting about (sorry neighbours!). Adik was squeeling, chuckling and babbling non stop too. We stayed in the whole day, reclaiming our sleep from the past chaotic and hot nites in Alor Setar. Then we went out to tapau dinner from Gurney's drive. I must say, i'm dissapointed with the food there.. halal food lah. Limited choices and tak sedap. I mean, when i'm getting Penang delicacy in Penang's main eating hotspot, i deserve to have high expectationla kan. But nevermind to that, we still managed to stuf our face silly and it's rezeki alright.

Next day pretty much the same thing. Buffet breakfast (which i find more challenging with 2 to handle) then off to the pool, then lazing around in the room (while papa go tapau Nasi Kandaq Line Clear pulak), then Gurney plaza, then tapau dinner. We also managed to have some quiet time that nite with tall coffee in hand since both of you kong-ed early. We left the next day at 1pm, after tiring you out at the pool the whole morning. Journey back was kinda relaxing since both of you sleep most of the time.

All in all I think it was thoroughly enjoyed trip, just the way we planned it to be. The journey was surprisingly manageable, i think thank to you for behaving and undertstanding that Adik needs more of my attention now. It was also liberating for me to know that I am capable of such independance, i mean a trip without maid, or tok ma.. u know. Although we stayed in most of the time (H1N1 alert), I guess we did manage to make the best out of the trip (foodwise and claiming lost sleep). I think it'll be another half yr till we go there again (looking at the previous trips pattern) which is cool since Adik will be 1 then, probably able to toddle along, so that we can go eat nasi kandar in it's hot, curry-smelling ambience.. and oh.. the Penang Rd cendol that we had to give a miss this round.

Nak naik ferry!

MiniMe!


Jumping happily in Adik's cot upon arrival

All ready for the most looked forward activity

Bought her a teenytiny swimsuit, which she didnt get to use. Sampai pool je terus tido

And she woke up a happy little thing

Went back to the room for some snuggling time

We were the only guest at the pool the next day

Bliss

Dear Sarah,

Your brother, Abang Amir turned 2 recently. Ever since then, he has been living up to its reputation, demonstrating what TERRIBLE TWO actually means. But i wont dwell on that, cos as usual, i keep on reminding myself that at leastI had it easy the last 24 months.

So I try to laugh it out when he wont stop crying and insisted to sleep naked in the office lounge yesterday, took back Aunty Mazidah's jar of sweets and insist to CHEW them one after another and smile cheekily when we scolded or reprimanded him. Of course, there are instances that I dont find it funny anymore like when he spit on Aunty Mazidah today, keep on opening one mineral water after another and throwing it away after only few sips (also today) or shouted on top of his lung when he noticed that you just fell asleep (today and last few days).

But you know what? Despite the fact that he wont let you sleep nowadays, he love you too bits still. He loves singing tepuk amai2 for you now. He also sings praise for you. He said Yaya comeyyyy angat.. Yaya wangiiiii angat every single time he plays with you. And he's catching loads of words fast these days though not that keen on structured learnings such as colours, shapes.. Well, at least he knows his ABC and 123 although he'll immediately say 'Tak tau!Tak andai!' when we asked him to say it for us. What he's more interested now is unconventional things like the names of her uncles' gfs, the type of car we drive, the names of petrol stations (ie shell, petronas, etc). Wont even learn names of animals but knows the different parts of the car interior (dashboard, meter, handbrake, steering, gear.. etc)

He gets on my nerves a lot these days that boy, but i sure love him dearly. Hope you bare with him too and enjoy his endless tepuk amai2 while he still care to sing for you ; )

(recorded at bedtime via 'hidden camera' cos he hates being photographed, but noticed it at the end and went off immediately despite being very sleepy)

TWO

Dear Amir,

I hope you have fully recovered from the birthday party excitement. More specifically, the singing and candle blowing and cake cutting. I know I havent.

So we did throw you a party despite the fact that we're on a strict budget. Needless to say, it was totally worth it (refer pic below). Will write more about it later, still compiling pics from various paparazzi that day.

Anyway, before it's 'too basi', Happy Birthday my dearest Amir. Hope you had great fun the other day, and a blessed and happy life ahead. Bila besar jadi manusia berguna k dear? I love you loads.

(Pic cilok from Oja's fb, thanks Aunty Oja!)

Two under two so far

Dear Amir & Sarah,

Well, it's a few days before Abang turned 2 so i thought i'd squeeze in some of my experience being a mother of 2 under 2.. (haha, so technical la kan your mom?)

Well, it was always our plan to have a big family and not delay on it. It's so natural to us since all my siblings and Papa's too are just 1-3 years apart, well except for Mak Su & Che' Su (which were way out of the age group compared to the rest, in their bongsu-ness glory). So it never occured to us to thoroughly to think of what's the best age gap, basically anytime is agood time once Abang hit 1. Seriously, ignorance is bliss.. haha

Abang was a veryvery easy baby. I remember being a bit scared that our firstborn experience is not a true reflection of what parenting a baby would be. Well, apart from my breastfeeding issues, everything else was fine. He doesnt fuss at night, he takes whatever brand of formula we gave him, he eats everything we feed him, he doesnt experience separation anxiety (well, not the wailing kind), his milestones are as per standard guideline, if not faster. He's such an angel.

So I was quite concern that when Sarah arrives, she'll be the total opposite, turn our life upside down and before i knew it, i'll be regretting a decision i made 9 mths ago? Well, Adik was not as easy as Abang, she cried a lot, quite a wakeful baby and has sensitive skin. Me on the other hand, is less prepared this time around in the sense that I thought of how Abang would feel, how Papa would feel, how Tok Ma will manage us during confinement BUT i forgot to prepare MYSELF for it. So first few weeks was a struggle for me. I cried a lot. I think the part that bothers me the most is seeing that Abang, 20 mths old by then, still a baby in my dictionary, now have to adjust to less attention from me AND the fact that i'm less worried about most of newborn related stuff as though i dont care as much compared to my firstborn. Get it? Getting stressed out over something that i worry less about?? Told you it was rollercoaster weeks.

Then things settled down.. but it was rocky and just when I thought I have things under control, the universe conspired to threw me off my feet again. One early morning, still dizzy from the tagteam game you two played on us earlier, Tok Ma called, and gave me a wake up call.. in its true sense. She told me that I need to step up and realise that i'm a mom of two, it's a hardwork so stop the whining and feeling sorry for myself already. Imagine being told that when i was just about to claim back my nitelong lost sleep, I feel me turning into an angry defensive teenager whose worst enemy is - her mom. Seriously, that lousy anger we had when we were a teenager and the whole world was against us (trust me, both of you will experience this, and i forgive u in advance for hating when it arrives). Well, that went for a few mins, then i cried, get up and realised, that was probably one of her best advice ever.. among her millions of other advices. So i tried to step up. Little2 things, wake up a little earlier each day, forgo more of my 'me time', DELEGATE MORE, accept that this is hardwork and may seem like impossible sometimes, but it is what it is. basically less and less of me, and more and more of the two of you.. simply put : sacrifice more.. (this is wat the huhahuha is about on Mother's Day pun kan?)

Now, we still suffer from sleepless nite occasionally when both of you tagteam on us, waking up in turn to turn our life miserable for that nite. We are forever tired for other stuff including for each other. We still get frustrated a lot (sometimes with situation, towards one of you, towards each other). We are feeling the financial pinch as a family of four (with both still diapering and taking formula milk and one outgrowing his clothes every week - yes, that's you Abang!)

But we dont really mind now. Because this is exactly what we want, parenting two kids (and more in the future insyaAllah). Perhaps being realistic, accepting that I am not perfect is the most important step. Then realising that it's not about me anymore, not Amirtime & metime.. it's AmirSarah time AmirSarah time all the time.. and be ok with it.. be happy with it. And then learning how to share everything with Papa, my stress, the workload, happy moments, laighing out bad moments, panic moments, all my dissatisfaction with his part of duties (hehe, important!), the fact that i'm too tired to cook that nite (and not feel bad it). I now understand the word 'partner' or 'better half' better now.. hehe.

And as for the timing, maybe a few years age gap is good for others, but for me, it's perfect as it is. What can be more enjoyable than looking at a 2y.o. (almost) calling himself Abang and trying to entertain his 3 mths old Adik? Oh yes, maybe the sight of the 3 mths old Adik cooing and chuckling when her 2y.o Abang plays peekaboo with her. Or maybe listening to the 2y.o abang singing Tepuk Amai2 in his own pelatness and melody.. jumping most of the lyrics and finishing with a loud "Mama kerja!!!".. well a lot more is as enjoyable as these but at the moment they only relates to the two of you playing with each other in your babyish nature..

So basically, to wrap things up.. being a mom of two under two is not easy. And no matter how much you read about it, it'll take time for you to adjust, and you should take your time. To me, it's (more) hard work. It's (more) demanding. But it's totally worth it. Every min of the sleepless nite..

Having said that, I think we'll wait a leeeetle longer for another adik k? Afterall Abang handled by Papa, Adik handled by Mama, the 3rd one?? Must be a different story altogether. Be realistic, remember?

Gugu gaga

Dear Amir & Sarah..

I've been pretty occupied lately. Partly due to work. Mainly due to the two of you. But am not complaining. Life is good ... and it's moving at a veryvery fast pace too...The 1st video right to the last is just a month apart. Abang grew bigger & more expressive (both verbally & physically). Adik, used to just coo and gaze but now she joins in the fun with her chuckles too..(when she's not too busy rolling and slamming her face on the mattress, that is)

By the way, Amir, you're turning 2 soon!! Am quite overwhelmed - with the fact that you are turning 2 and your bday party guest list ;)

HELP!

Dear fellow moms,

My bmilk supply is zooming down and i need help, advice or any petua that may help

As i've mentioned in earlier posts, Sarah is on mixed feeding. It used to be 70% formula, 30% EBM, then 50/50, then it drops to 100% formula for the past 2 days since i'm all dried up!

She rarely feed directly from me now. When she does, it's more of the playful kind, not the hungry kind. But when she does, i can actually see that there's plenty of milk.. enough to last the one hour suck, let go, sucksucksuck smile, let go.. These days, i pump only twice a day. (Was pumping every 4 hrs but mostly one or two sad drops and that sent me really stressed, so i limit the pumping) In the morning i get less than 1 oz and in the evening just slightly more than 1 oz. and this is not a joke. For the past few days, my morning pumping session produces nothing at all. Yesterday and today, I spent my whole day with her, and there were no letdown, not when we were playing, not when she's fussing for feed. I dont have engorgement, just feel heavy but no pain. Tried to pump with both of my 2 pumps, nothing!

I'm using medela harmony and spectra 3 interchangeably. But earlier this week, out of desperation, i used my bare hand and it produces close to 2 oz.. something i never achieve for a long long while.. but my nips suffer afterwards. My back ache too.

So how la? tried the fenugreek tea, longan, lobak putih, sawi, pegaga.. sama je. I'm not on any jamu and eating well. I'm happy most of the days lately. I know I'm doing far better this time around but I cant help thinking that breastfeeding is such a natural thing that it shouldnt be this difficult to produce enough milk to nourish my kid. Afterall she's only 3 mths old, almost. I'm not beatingmyself up abt this yet.. afterall i dont foresee that i will produce that long anyway.. but this is too soon, and i'm still game for this. So ladies, help me?

Rolled over

Dear Amir,

We saw adik rolled over last couple of days. It was the first time she succeed. It was 6.30 am, she woke me up by pushing and struggling against me, so i get up to give her space. Then you woke up and and join me to watch and cheer her on, both half asleep, but I was alert enough to pick up the phone and snap the moment.

Another champion has landed!

Adik is almost 3 months now. She is more predictable and less fussy. She chuckles and smile and coo. She vocalise a lot now, especially when we adults are having our conversation. She's getting also close and familiar to kakak now. Since i've started work, I think this is a good development too. Tok Ma said kakak likes to coo and play with her too, which is good, hoping the attachment helps to retain her with us for a long time.. hehe..


She doesnt feed much these days, or maybe she has established a predictable pattern that when i'm with her, i'm not forever washing bottles, mixing formula, undoing my nursing bra, washing the pumping equipment and etc. She hardly feed directly from me now. She doesnt binge feed anymore so i guess that's why her direct feeding drop tremendously. So it's no surprise that my supply has also gone down like crazy. It stressed me out jugak last few weeks (staring at the empty bottles after 20 mins of pumping is simply depressinglah) so i chose to limit my pumping to twice a day, and get something like 0.5oz to 2 oz per session and become a happier person that way.

And now that i'm less stressful, things tend to fall into places la. I've started work, that helps me to find 'my time'. We're moving office and starting on a new project, so life at work is getting exciting. There'll be a family room/nursery in the new office so more excitement factor there. We have finally sorted out our routine at home and i've finally come to terms with the fact that my life will never be the same again (haha.. yes, finally) which is really the starting point for evrything to be ok again (or at least for now). Sorted things out with Papa a few weeks ago when i had a major breakdown after feeling too overwhelmed. He has since established a routine of his own to help me with stuff at home. You see, Sarah is unlike you in a way that she prefers standard routine while you are more flexible. So the only way to go about it is for us to be more err.. 'structured' or more disciplined la in managing our time around the 2 of you.

Aaaanyway, wat's up with you?

You're learning veryveryvery fast now - talking, mimicking, socialising, names, songs, concepts. You know that atm cards or anything that look like it is for drawing out money from the bank. You know that when something is not working, Papa should take the ladder, climb and fix it. You know that you are Abe to Adik, Amir to Mama and that I am Kak Ying to your uncles and Papa is Yang to me etc. You actually immitate me while 'talking' to Yaya, singsong tone, the gugugaga stuff. You love and adore her to pieces. Every morning, once you woke up, you'll climb the bed and check if Yaya is there and then join me cooing at her. She too responded to you in her own language.

I just cant wait till Sarah a little older and she's able to play with you.

And I just cant wait till Sarah a little older so that we can all go for a short vacay.. hehe.

Happy Day

Dear Amir,

It's a good day today.

After 2 really bad days, finally it's all good today.

First day at work, well, first half day at work. Had lunch with Papa alone after soooo long.

Came back early, play with Sarah (she can chuckle now!) and then settled her to bed early, then cook good hearty dinner for us. I experimented with chicken breast, stuffed with chopped brocolli, mushroom and cheese, with applesauce and mustard gravy.. to officiate the new grill pan Papa bought me. Anyway, you've been sleeping really early these days so you've been skipping dinner. But tonight, you joined us and wiped your plate clean. And after dinner we cuddled up on the recliner tickling and giggling with each other. Now i realised how i miss you and our funtime together. And how you've grown.. lenguh ok having you on my lap now.

I feel good today, so i guess it's a good day. After 2 exhausting and frustrating days, i'm glad i'm happier today.

Alhamdulillah for days like these, even if it's just once a week..

And alhamdulillah, you havent outgrown cuddling yet, even if it's just for a short minute or two

Amir, mama love you loads. Thank you for being such a darling throughout this adjusting period.. you're my cute little rock!

p/s : I wish to write a long lenghty entry on handling 2 below 2 for the past 2 months.. but i'll just treasure this happy day and try to sleep earlylah today.. next time, stay tuned.

2, 22 and counting

Like this boleh tak?

Since Sarah turned 2 mths yesterday and abang turned 22 months last week, Mama kira one go jelah.

Sarah at 2 mths old

• you still prefer to be held upright either against our shoulder or 'sitting' back against our chest.
• your head control and body movement has strengten tremendously that it's getting difficult to bathe you peacefully
• you like to gaze at our faces
• you are not that generous with your smile yet, but you loooove to sigh.. whyla dear, too young for that lah!
• you like napping in the vibrating rocker thingy
• you've established a steady sleeping pattern at nite, sleeps at 9pm, wakes up at 1am, 4am and 6am for feeds
• you sleeps in your cot! stir occassionally but settles by yourself unless it's feeding time

Amir at 22 mths old

• You love to listen to story, but all story must include your familiar characters ie Tok Ma, Mama, Che' Su, uncles.. etc
• You have started to play rough - pushed and scratched a boy at the playground the other day cos he was trying to ride your bike..ishishish
• You can count from 1 to 10 in Malay, not to keen on the English version though (whyla..English lagi senang wat!)
• Refused to learn ABC as yet
• Have started to string 2-3 words together but mostly still using the last syllable of each word
• You are 16.7kg now! Wears size 4-5 years. Do not own any long pants or jeans cos the length is definitely out! Hardly fits XXL pampers of most brand.. (looks like it's potty training or ..err...customised diapers???)
• You are still in the cranes and handyman phase..gets very excited when you spot a crane or big machinery (bulldozer/steamroll/tractor..etc). Owns a fleet of your own cranes, busses, lorries etc (and one 'mesin padi' tok Pa bought for you in Alor Setar... cool eh?). You can also spend hours playing with your set of tools, ie screwdrivers, bolt, nutt, hammer, saw.. etc (amir the builder!)
• Ironically still very scared of machinery sound ie the blender, vacuum cleaner, drill, etc
• Is beginning to take a STRONG liking in airplane and anything related to it (went berserk while watching The Terminal the other day cos you recognised that it's an airport but there's no airoplane.. haiyya!).. but then again, you're scared of the airplane sound. Pftt!
• Loves to immitate ppl singing, with scrunch forehead and mulut muncung2
• Continue to 'kill me' with your big hugs, huge chuckles, nitetime snuggles and when asked Sayang mama banyak mana? You'll answer with wide open arms and bigbig smile.. Aaaaanyaaaakkk! - cheap thrills, i know.. but just let me indulge while stock last boleh?

New life so far

Dear Sarah,

It's been a while huh? Been really caught up with YOU, YOU, YOU and Abg Amir of course. I havent started work at the office but at the rate things are going at home, i think being in the office will be my much needed vacation!

Dont get me wrong, i love being with the two of you, 24/7. I can imagine being an emo when i leave you for work later this week. Yes, not yet 60 days but i'm going to office earlier cos 1. lots to settle, 2. am starting to feel my brains rotting away and yes, 3. for my sanity, i need to.. hehe.

We're back home now. Left Tok Ma's place a few days after you turned 1 mth. As much as the house is kelam kabut (we were in a middle of spring cleaning when we last left the house) i really really miss my HOME. In a way it was quite a hasty decision, and maybe not a good timing since you were not in your best mood that week.. org kata 'tukar bulan' so you were crying to no end at nite for several nites.

Over in Tok Ma's, we had Tok Ma to console you, and she works like magic, ambik je terus silent. But few days before we left, Tok Ma was also occupied with other stuff and wasnt home that much so I had to suck it up and survive on my own.. hence the decision to try to 'battle' the sleepless nite at home alone (with Papa of course) while we're at it. Few days was all it took and you were sleeping like a baby throughout most of the nite, in your cot!

It's been a month since we came back home and your temperament has been moving back n forth from amazingly cool to reallyreally cranky at times. You love your bath but hate it when i wash ur head. You nurse directly from me at nite. Take expressed milk in the morning n before bed n formula milk during the day. You need to be rocked to sleep but i havent succumb to the traditional buai yet even though Papa is hinting on the need. He is also suggesting pacifier on some bad days but i am still adamant about not introducing you to that yet, or ever, unless Papa can promise and are confident enough to wean you off it later... and since we havent succeed with Abg Amir i guess we wont start with you lah.

Abang Amir on the other hand is always his cool self. He's quite handy to have around at times. He helps me to fetch stuff for you like the bottle, wipes, blanket. When I pump, he even insist to hold the bottle for me. He constantly shower you with kisses and hugs and he wont allow strangers near you. He understands how to control his geram towards you, so he'll usually come and clench his mouth and fist and shriek your name but when he plays with you, it's ever so gently.

Thank God that he is not jealous of me giving you full attention at home even tho there's no Tok Ma or the uncles and aunty to attend to him. All he need is constant conversation regardless if i'm feeding, bathing or putting you to sleep. He likes to read now and occasionally join me to watch tv, still not cartoon, just some emotion-packed drama for my drama dude (with a condition that i narrate every single thing happening on screen to him relating to his familiar character - so everyone becomes either Mama, Papa, Tok Ma, Tok Pa, Kakak, Che' Su.. etc..and every baby is baby Yaya!) He's also beginning to count and make out sentences so he's quite a handful to layan too.

As for me, i'm awfully tired most of the time. It's frustrating and embarassing to admit since I am one of the luckiest mother on earth with all the help i get, YET I'M STILL DARN WORN OUT! Last few nites were not good, so i end up sleeping as you doze off and even BEFORE you sleep.. leaving everything for Papa to handle. Feel so incapable and selfish and inconsiderate...or simply a bad mother. But despite all these ill-feeling, I am generally veryvery happy and contented. Afterall the sucky feeling always went away as soon I see you coo-ing or sleeping orAbg laughing and fooling around.

Sleep-deprived but happy still

I've also been meaning to make some changes where vanity is concern. Been commiting to my evening walks which i wish to upgrade to jogs or brisk walk soon. Watching wat i eat more closely, but not obsessivelyla. Am also contemplating on wat to do with my hair. Revisiting my make up collection...haha. I need it for myself.. just something i need to do for myself apart from that special someone of course. : ) Tapi i think so far mostly not resulting to anything yet lah.. still old, boring tired-looking ponytailed me. Happier none the less : )

The loves of my life.

1st month

She is affectionately known as Sarah, Yaya, Adik, Baby, Girl, Mek and budak kecik

She 's starting to smile, but still figuring out the correct muscle to work and her eyes twinkle when she does that

She makes a lot of random oh-so-cute baby sounds

She sneezes loudly, just like an adult, exactly like her mom

She sleeps best with her arms extended next to her head... exactly like her mom

She's fiesty and more aggrasive than her elder brother when he was her age

She has these amazing long and slender fingers

She has grown her hair back after the complete bald do she had at 7th day

She love it when her Tok Ma hold her close and rock her to sleep

She love to gaze at her Papa after her evening change

She has a love-hate relationship with Mama's boobs

She's an easy baby without much fuss and only basic needs

She watches the tv!

She can sleep anywhere regardless of her surrounding - again, just like her mama

She's Sarah Suffiya and she's 1 mth old today

Dear Sarah,

Happy 1 mth old girl. Looking forward to manymany months and years ahead with you. Mama loves you

1 mth old Sarah

The pose that make me wanna bite u!

Mini Me!

Trying hard for that smile

Almost there smileyface..