Two under two so far

Dear Amir & Sarah,

Well, it's a few days before Abang turned 2 so i thought i'd squeeze in some of my experience being a mother of 2 under 2.. (haha, so technical la kan your mom?)

Well, it was always our plan to have a big family and not delay on it. It's so natural to us since all my siblings and Papa's too are just 1-3 years apart, well except for Mak Su & Che' Su (which were way out of the age group compared to the rest, in their bongsu-ness glory). So it never occured to us to thoroughly to think of what's the best age gap, basically anytime is agood time once Abang hit 1. Seriously, ignorance is bliss.. haha

Abang was a veryvery easy baby. I remember being a bit scared that our firstborn experience is not a true reflection of what parenting a baby would be. Well, apart from my breastfeeding issues, everything else was fine. He doesnt fuss at night, he takes whatever brand of formula we gave him, he eats everything we feed him, he doesnt experience separation anxiety (well, not the wailing kind), his milestones are as per standard guideline, if not faster. He's such an angel.

So I was quite concern that when Sarah arrives, she'll be the total opposite, turn our life upside down and before i knew it, i'll be regretting a decision i made 9 mths ago? Well, Adik was not as easy as Abang, she cried a lot, quite a wakeful baby and has sensitive skin. Me on the other hand, is less prepared this time around in the sense that I thought of how Abang would feel, how Papa would feel, how Tok Ma will manage us during confinement BUT i forgot to prepare MYSELF for it. So first few weeks was a struggle for me. I cried a lot. I think the part that bothers me the most is seeing that Abang, 20 mths old by then, still a baby in my dictionary, now have to adjust to less attention from me AND the fact that i'm less worried about most of newborn related stuff as though i dont care as much compared to my firstborn. Get it? Getting stressed out over something that i worry less about?? Told you it was rollercoaster weeks.

Then things settled down.. but it was rocky and just when I thought I have things under control, the universe conspired to threw me off my feet again. One early morning, still dizzy from the tagteam game you two played on us earlier, Tok Ma called, and gave me a wake up call.. in its true sense. She told me that I need to step up and realise that i'm a mom of two, it's a hardwork so stop the whining and feeling sorry for myself already. Imagine being told that when i was just about to claim back my nitelong lost sleep, I feel me turning into an angry defensive teenager whose worst enemy is - her mom. Seriously, that lousy anger we had when we were a teenager and the whole world was against us (trust me, both of you will experience this, and i forgive u in advance for hating when it arrives). Well, that went for a few mins, then i cried, get up and realised, that was probably one of her best advice ever.. among her millions of other advices. So i tried to step up. Little2 things, wake up a little earlier each day, forgo more of my 'me time', DELEGATE MORE, accept that this is hardwork and may seem like impossible sometimes, but it is what it is. basically less and less of me, and more and more of the two of you.. simply put : sacrifice more.. (this is wat the huhahuha is about on Mother's Day pun kan?)

Now, we still suffer from sleepless nite occasionally when both of you tagteam on us, waking up in turn to turn our life miserable for that nite. We are forever tired for other stuff including for each other. We still get frustrated a lot (sometimes with situation, towards one of you, towards each other). We are feeling the financial pinch as a family of four (with both still diapering and taking formula milk and one outgrowing his clothes every week - yes, that's you Abang!)

But we dont really mind now. Because this is exactly what we want, parenting two kids (and more in the future insyaAllah). Perhaps being realistic, accepting that I am not perfect is the most important step. Then realising that it's not about me anymore, not Amirtime & metime.. it's AmirSarah time AmirSarah time all the time.. and be ok with it.. be happy with it. And then learning how to share everything with Papa, my stress, the workload, happy moments, laighing out bad moments, panic moments, all my dissatisfaction with his part of duties (hehe, important!), the fact that i'm too tired to cook that nite (and not feel bad it). I now understand the word 'partner' or 'better half' better now.. hehe.

And as for the timing, maybe a few years age gap is good for others, but for me, it's perfect as it is. What can be more enjoyable than looking at a 2y.o. (almost) calling himself Abang and trying to entertain his 3 mths old Adik? Oh yes, maybe the sight of the 3 mths old Adik cooing and chuckling when her 2y.o Abang plays peekaboo with her. Or maybe listening to the 2y.o abang singing Tepuk Amai2 in his own pelatness and melody.. jumping most of the lyrics and finishing with a loud "Mama kerja!!!".. well a lot more is as enjoyable as these but at the moment they only relates to the two of you playing with each other in your babyish nature..

So basically, to wrap things up.. being a mom of two under two is not easy. And no matter how much you read about it, it'll take time for you to adjust, and you should take your time. To me, it's (more) hard work. It's (more) demanding. But it's totally worth it. Every min of the sleepless nite..

Having said that, I think we'll wait a leeeetle longer for another adik k? Afterall Abang handled by Papa, Adik handled by Mama, the 3rd one?? Must be a different story altogether. Be realistic, remember?