When the going gets tough

Dear Amir,

So you're going to be an abang soon, insyaAllah.

I guess you knew it before anyone else, cos you started acting up weird, extraextra clingy, refusing anyone else but me since a few weeks before I found out. The gang at Tok Ma's house has already started to call you abang.. some in sarcastic tone, suggesting to me it's quite ridiculous for you to be an abang at this tender age. What they forgot to see is that all of them (us, my siblings) are around 2 years age difference anyway. I guess because you're currently THE baby of the house so it's quite hard to digest.

Actually, frankly speaking, it even feel surreal to me still. And I havent been to any check up yet since the last time we went to the doc to confirm. Am waiting for this fever/cough to fully subside. For some reason i'm very nervous about meeting the doc this time. What if we suddenly find out that there are twins there?? Quite honestly, that's the first thing i thought when i found out i'm a pregger. Funny! I dont believe it's a sign. I never trusted my mothers instinct. Cos i have none.. hmpphh..

Anyway, Tok Ma has been unwell since last week. She had to stay in the hospital for few days but am now back at home. But she's still not herself, very weak and in need of lots and lots of rest. It's nothing specific, but she's sickly most of the times. We're rearranging a few routines around the house to allow her the best of rest she can get. For a start, we're moving everything from the home office to the main office so that she cant get access to any work anymore.. and yeah, so that officematters will stop bothering her. Like it or not, i'll be in charge now. So Uncle Wan and I will be relocating. We have also divided chores around the house so that she doesnt have to do much housework. And that's the easy part.

Now comes the real issue (at least to me), taking care of you. I'll be working from the real office now, which is no place for a boy like you. Well, we can bring you along but it'll be such a pity for you huh? Leaving you with Tok Ma will be taxing on her, especially now that you have acquired more climbing and acrobatic skills. So we are looking for a nursery nearby the office to place you, at least for half day session. Now typing that makes me gulp. I'm such a softie when it comes to matters like this. Spoilt mother! We are also looking for a new bibik now cos i guess it's time. Oh, i didnt mention that Tok Ma's bibik left for good a few weeks ago. So you see the trail of event? Bibik left, bday party without bibik, tokma me and you demam, tok ma hospitalised, (we found out i'm pregnant), on panic search for nursery & new bibik for me (and Tok Ma)..

I think I had it too easy all these while. That the thought of sending you off to a nursery feels like a big major huge deal. I feel ashamed of myself, i mean take a look around.. it's just a normal routine for other working mothers. Anyway, apart from this nursery issue, am still coming to terms with other matters too like being the one in charge (sort of) at the office, being the responsible firstborn girl and take care of tokma's house (when ours are more often than not, a total mess) and going through these changes while my body is growing another child.

Am still calm. In fact i think i'm cool (Again, except for the nursery part, i'll be a major drama on that part) Weird jugak. Especially when i feel and kind of sure that this pregnancy has made me into a total emo wreck! More details later.

Anyway, i'll just take it a day at a time. Breath in breath out. Folic acid in. Kiss Amir. Ensure Tok Ma rests and takes her med. Hug Papa. Kiss Amir. Hug Amir. Blog... : )

Amir, do behave ok. We really2 need you to this time.