And the 'weaning camp' wins!

Dear Amir,

I finally gave in to the pestering from the "wean-Amir-now" camp.

Must admit that I am very excited myself. After reading numerous websites and parenting books and convinced that it is OK to feed some watery stuff at 4 mths, Mama dengan berbesar hatinya went to get u some vege/fruit puree. My intention to prepare you homecook meal right from the start ended with a purchase of two small Heinz baby food which, by the way, was thoroughly enjoyed by you!

As much as I want to be there for your every single 'firsts' in your childhood, I actually let Tok Ma feed you the first meal, with condition that it is photograhed in countless shots from all angles.. haha. So feed you they did and it was Banana and Pear puree for the record. Tok Pa managed a few good shot of your comot face (pics laterlah).

Tok Ma said you really love it (Well, naturallylah, being a child to two food lovers).You were pulling the spoon in an attempt to feed on your own. And that was even before you discovered a more ergonomic spoon, Tok Ma's finger. Today, I feed you myself, and true enough, it's easier to feed you using my own finger than those baby spoon. You seem to take in more that way anyway. Whatever makes you happylah boy.

Since we start feeding you solid (last Tuesday actually), you tend to sleep better and longer. I hope that's a good sign. No major changes in the poo department too.. so I guess everything is great so far lah.

Uncle Cho and the elevator

Dear Amir,

Yesterday, your Uncle Cho was admitted to SJMC for a minor operation on his knee. Apparently he tore his tendon due to futsal.

Since Tok Ma doesn’t have a back up plan for you (new bibik, long story), she has to drag u along to SJMC for the whole process. Papa and I joined you later at the hospital. I was a bit worried about you because a hospital is never a good place for a baby, especially one who has just recovered from demam and all.

Anyway, you greeted us happily once you saw us. Tok Ma said you haven’t stopped ‘talking’ ever since you reached the hospital. We were guessing that it was because of the several elevator rides that you took. Elevator ride, boy, u really hate it don’t you. We noticed it in Ikano when you took your first ride at hardly 2 mths old. I remembered you were clenching me tight and start smirking when the elevator started moving. Yesterday was a different story though, when we went in the elevator, you started ‘talking’ loudly to everyone around. I think it’s your way of telling that you’re not pleased but in a control-macho way.
It was partly funny and partly embarrassing..hehe (especially when Tok Pa decided to join in, talking in YOUR language.

The procedure took 1.5 hours so we stayed to wait till Uncle Cho is out. He’s doing ok now. Maybe unable to walk about for a few days, and then have to go for physio. So he’ll be in Shah Alam for quite some time. This is a good thing for you cos at the moment, Uncle Cho is your favouritest person in the house. He just needs to be in front of you to make u smile.

Today, Tok Ma is bringing u back to SJMC to discharge Uncle Cho.. such an important little guylah you.. everything, everywhere have to bring along.

Get well soon Uncle Cho!

Of names and world peace

Dear Meme..

Hehe.. Do you know that Tok Ma calls you Emir and insist on calling that name even though your name is spelt Amir? She said it sounds special that way. Special is because she's the only one calling you by that name. Anyway, without realising, I have a petname for you too.. it's Meme.. Papa doesnt like it that much cos it doesnt sound masculine and in fact very manja for a boy.. haha.. yeah, i agree.. but watevala..

On the other hand, Uncle Cho calls u Amirudd pulak.. short of Amiruddin. The thing is, your name is not even Amiruddin to start with. He said, it sound stylish.. yeah right! I shall try to call you Amir Yusoff as much as possible and force everyone to comply to your birth cert name. I read somewhere that rezeki anak is in the name.. so it is kinda crucial i guess. But sometimes Meme suits you lah! (Hope I wont still call u Meme when u are old enough to read this, else, dont sue me!)

Speaking of growing up, last Sunday there was a big rally here in KL organised by this hindu action force. It was reported on local news yesterday and I saw it in horror. It wasnt something that was seriously violent but we're not used to it in Malaysia dear. Not then and not now.. so it was somethingla jugak and since that i'm now a mother who cant help relating every single happenings to her family.

Papa said while playing football, some of the guys were making fun of this event and shared sick stories of things they'll do to those ppl on the rally if they were to be there.. in very gory pg 18 details. Amir, i disapprove of this and listening to the sick stories, i feel really angry. Where do such hatred come from?? And why the generalisation??

Amir dear, when you grow up, there's no guarantee that the world will be a better place. In fact i'll be veryvery glad if things is as it is now. Presently there's a lot of hatred pointed towards us Muslim... Not all of us Muslim attest to and are part of the stupid terrorist attacks. Similarly, nobody is bad simply because some ppl of their race, nationality, religion did something bad. Do not generalise. Do not think reactively. Do not talk without using your brain and heart, it's reflective of what kinda person you are and what sick mind you have, although u mean no harm.

I have lost respect for those guys now, although they were just joking. Am now contemplating on banning Papa to play footie with such sick minds... haha.. ok, that's just me over-reacting.. cant blame me though.

Happy 4th months.. would u like some cereal?

Dear Amir,

Dah 4 bulan dah anak mama...

Perangai pun dah macam-macam.. :P

This mth went by quite fast actually. with fever, exam, balik kampung, short holiday..of course it would. Tonight, while Papa is out playing futsal, and you sleeping soundly next to me, I'm beginning to wonder.. (your mama has an active mind, most of the time full of craps though)

At 4 months now, you are showing more obvious temperament. You chuckle and giggle more often. You're constantly smiling.. last nite you even smile while crying.. i kid you not. how weird is that.. you cry A LOT at night now. And it's the attention seeking cry that just go on and on even if we've picked u up. And if you do decide to sleep, you'll command 1/2 of the kingsize bed, leaving another half for me AND papa to negotiate between us. The good thing is you sleep more during the day, so Tok Ma gets more time for herself, which is sometime spend sleeping with you anyway.

You lost your appetite when u were having fever last week, hence you look 'leaner' now. Tok Pa scolded and accused me of tak bagi cucu dia makan. Not to worry lah Tok Pa, today, you simply doubled your usual intake effortlessly.. which made me think that maybe I should wean you early (4 mths dah ok kan?). I know I'll get full support from Tok Ma if I were to. She probably have the stocks stacked somewhere already...

Weekend fun

Dear Amir,

You're getting better now..alhamdulillah..it's great to see your smiles again!

Mama is now on study break. My exam, my second last paper for CIMA will be on this coming Wed. I guess I should listen to Tok Pa when he told me to finish up the course before the juniorss arrive, else it would just be another unfinished business. Well, here you are and here I am trying to prove him wrong..haha..

By the way, last weekend was great fun. We just spent time lazing around the house, entertaining your every demand, while catching up with some house chores. Oh, your papa cooked bfast for me on Saturday.. that's very rare, so it's worth a mention.. :)

And he bathe you for the first time too.. talk about a domesticated weekend for him huh?Pics are worth a thousand words, so here goes..

Good morning sunshine... bright and early!

Your over-excited mom and you just before 'THE' bath

Papa's first try - your longest bath ever! Luckily you had your favourite 'snack' with you.

And then on to the proper meal - Papa's finger for breakfast, yum!

Fun time!

A cheeky boy attempting at distracting me away from the books.. he doesnt have to try very hard huh? How can I resist such jelingan manja.

Zombie's mind..

Dear Amir,

A lot has happened during the last 24 hours. Or at least it seems like it.
Your flu and cough still hasnt subside but you are in a much better state now. Hence, my zombie face is back in office, again skipping lunch so that i can organise my thoughts and be here with you.

So yeah, the last 24 hours saw me spending time alone with you and your cough n sneeze. In between you short naps, i contemplate on the followings
1. write a resignation letter to my current employer
2. fax that letter out
3. vacum the house
4. pump my long-lost bmilk
5. change the layout of this blog
6. bake cupcakes
7. finish my work assignment and email boss
8. study for my exam next week (hahahahhahahahahahahahaha...)

Basically many things occured yesterday.. but i guess only in my brain. The rest of my day was actually mostly spent carrying you around and holding you tight while you sleep (hence inviting all the random thoughts in my head). Although i tried to keep it calm earlier, i guess the truth prevailed. I'm worried sick looking at you in this state my dear. Berair mata Amir, berairla mata mama, Amir nangis, mama nangis lagi kuat... God! it's so consuming..

The most consuming part is the familiar guilty feeling again. Whenever you fell sick, and this is only the 2nd time (the first was mild demam cos of the jab, but i'm counting that in) i will feel this huge pang of guilt for being a major cause to it simply cos i did not bfeed you hence provide u the necessary antibodi. Everyone who have seen my attempts knows how i've tried, and it's definitely not a concious decision of mine not to breastfeed, but it feels that I am at fault anyway.

Oh well Amir.. I think this is one of those thing that will last forever just like the stretch marks you gave me :)

Penang

Dear Amir,

You're sick today so I took leave and stay home. Poor you caught Tok Ma's bug since last nite so you were sneezing and coughing away when i came back home yesterday. Kesiannya, I feel really helpless hearing your heavy breath..
but doc said everthing is ok and with your medication you should be fine in no time. In fact you dont behave like a sick baby at all, you were smiling and chuckling when the doctor examine you, in fact you too were listening attentively when doc were explaining the prescription.. even he cant concentrate looking at ur curious little face.. hehe

Since you're sound asleep now, here's the story on Penang...
Well, first off, we went to Penang by ferry.. much to your Papa's delight. He was brimming with happiness when I agreed to take the ferry instead of the bridge. I thought u are too small to know the difference and enjoy it, little did i know that there's another 'little boy' in the car who will be amused by the ferry ride.. heheheh.. well, anyway, i'm glad we took the ride cos the bridge's traffic was bad and it made your Papa's day :)

Being in Penang is always nostalgic. Mama spend 18 mths of my life as a student there.. with some of my dearest friends (who are breeding some of YOUR friends now), doing some of the silliest and most pathetic thing on earth. I'll share it with you when you're much older, perhaps in another entry. Your papa also spend some part of his youth (haha) here.. so you know how the ride from the jetty to town to bt feringghi went.. loaded with description of things we use to do here n there.. you, on the other hand, was so peacefully asleep.

Upon arrival at the hotel, Mama went camera crazy upon seeing the XXXL family bed. You too were very joyful.. chuckling non stop when i lay you on the bed.. (Thanks for inviting us to share the huge room Tok Pa!) And the chuckling and fooling around continues with your Papa.. but immediately stop when we brought u down to the beach. Guess u're too young for the beach or the poolside.. i read somewhere that the UV would be harsh on your skin too, so we kept it brief and afterall, you're not at all pleased with the outdoor anyway.

Back in the hotel room, your mood took a 360 degrees turn.. we gave u a good warm bath and off to slumberland you went..i guess that was penang for you cos for the rest of the trip it was just us eating and you sleeping..haha..talk about a great holiday. Actually, we left u to Tok Ma the next day and went on a little date on our own (more like rushing around 2 shopping malls looking for your Papa's sandal - to no avail)

The journey back was really tiring.. cos we only left Penang at 3.30pm, after a very heavy buffet lunch, courtesy of Tok Pa and only arrive home at 9pm. You were easily irritated along the way, cant blame u, the weather was hot and i think you've had enough.

Balik Kampung

We had an eventful weekend last week, didn’t we? Of course you wont remember anything but I think you enjoyed yourself too. It was your first balik kampong trip and our first holiday as a family of three in Penang.

The journey back to Alor Setar on Deepavali morning was a cool and peaceful one. We only stopped halfway at Sg Perak to change diapers and eat and the rest of the way.. you were sound asleep. Good boy!

An (aka Wan) was your favorite person in Alor Setar. By the way, An is the name your cousins gave Wan well before you arrive, simply because they cant pronounce Wan correctly. He took you for a walk around the house compound every morning and attempted to talk to you in ‘bahasa KL’ whenever he catch you around the house. You were equivalently chatty with him. You guys made hilarious conversations. I promise I’ll get Papa to teach you some utara words when you grow older but it wont compare to the Kelantanese vocab u’ll master soon lah :)

Being back in kampong during ‘off-peak’ season like this have it perks.. you get their full attention all right. Well first, we have Tok’s notorious pasembot, then home made lepat pisang which Tok Nek prepared (sooo yummy.. I’m hooked) and our room were equipped with two fans ok, in place for the aircon, in case my putera lilin cant stand the heat. But I guess it wasn’t that bad la, u slept well like usual although u were nagging occasionally. Speaking of nags, yeap, that’s your new skill, with very serious frowning face on, mulut muncung2, you will nag on top of your voice, as though mengadu about something that isn’t right.

Mama also had a funny experience on my own. For the first time ever, I got to bathe you in the conventional baby bath tub while sitting on the oh-so-small stool! I think the current practice of bathing u in your ergonomically designed tub while standing has spoilt me lah. Anyway, you had fun cos you get to play with more water and sit in the tub longer (while mama struggle to ensure that you are clean while not trying to drown you).

Papa brought back his camera to take pics of you and the Alor Setar clans but good food and too much lazing around got the better of him.. sigh. Anyway, An, Tok and Tok Nek will be coming end of this mth to stay at our new hse, probably till Raya Haji. Mama nervous jugak ni, but I think I have ample time to learn your Tok Ma’s nasi beriyani that An has requested again and again..

I’ll write about our holiday tomorrowlah.. need to worry about the nasi beriyani jap.

I'm (going to be) home dear!

Dear Amir,

Mama's at work now, not going for lunch cos i tot i'll just catch a nap. U've been up quite a lot at nite lately. The last 2 days, u weren't sleeping at all. You mumbled and whined throughout the nite. I wish I know what it is that you want. But after feeding, burping, changing and attempting to put u to bed with all sorts of possible ways (ie singing, craddling, rocking, carrying you around the room) at 2.45 am, i guess i can only say that this is your way of getting back to me for leaving you on extended hours at Tok Ma's offlate.

I've made up my mind dear. I'm going to quit my work soon!I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I'm not doing this simply out of guilt for not being there for you, cos this decision wont stand that way. I've been meaning to do this before I even met your Papa. Finally, I get to work on my own and having you around makes it more of an obvious and confirmed choice.

It's going to be over soon. I cant wait for the life that i've been dreaming for all these while. Thank you for putting up with my lack of dicipline. I'm sorry i brought back work and spend time on it rather than with you at nite. I'm sorry I got too engrossed in my work and only come back when u're already asleep. I'm sorry that sometimes I bore you (and papa) by talking about my work with papa when I came back.

I hope things will get better from here both for you and me.

A happier mom and a happier baby!