Pain

Dear Amir,

Today i'm literally immobile. Woke up feeling very very heavy. By the time we reached Tok Ma's house I almost couldnt get out of the car. My pelvic floor feel veryvery sore and even the slightest movement caused me excruciating pain. Laid down and sit most of the time but it does not help, in fact it made things worse cos getting up later is so sakit. Tried to 'walk it off' but my every step is like a mission impossible. Even recuperating from childbirth is waaaaaaayy better than this.

One thing about being in this state is that i missed a lot of your everyday stuff. Like bathing you, chasing, wrestling, even cleaning up after your mess and No 2. I actually miss changing your diapers! How desperate is that?? In fact, as much as I enjoy my me-time when kakak brings you out to the playground, I actually feel bad that i dont make that extra effort to join. Maybe i'm just lembikla kot. But it's not that I dont care. Kakak reported that you have started to push and shout at some kids at the playground. But she also said that it's normally cos you're provoked, crossed or treated the same way by them. I dont know how to react to it, in a way i think it's pretty normal - a normal development in fact, sense of individuality.. heh! I'm one of those mom who cant stand looking at a kid being nasty to you unnecessarily. But i'm also a rational person la, so i never snap back. Now, i guess you have figured out your own defense mechanism. Afterall you're still very cordial with kids who plays with you on the same term.

Anyway, so much for a day of nothing but tolerating pain. At least i get to change the layout of this blog. And that makes me feel better in some weird way.. hope Yaya will accept that as a welcoming gesture AND decide to finally be here..