Fallen

Dear Amir,

You fell off the bed this morning.

We were not sleeping.. In fact I was wide awake, fresh from the morning shower, just spending time with you on bed while waiting for Papa to finish shower. So basically speaking, I watch your every move to the fall, in horror. Why I didnt do anything.. i dont know.. it was like time halt and all i can do is see you climb over the bolster and rock back and forth in the middle of the bed, before my (delayed) brain told me that you may launch urself too far and tumble down the bed. And before I know it, you were already down there.

I vaguely remember seeing both your helpless feet on air behind that bolster. Then next it was just you lying against the wall next to our bed, with both eyes n mouth wide open. I think i shouted. I am quite sure i shouted cos Papa dash out of the toilet when I was picking you up.

We brought u to the clinic just in case. You couldnt stop crying and was terrified at every sound and movement. I held you close and sang your fav lullaby again and again. But the moment you saw the doc, you started to blab, almost like mengadu about my negligence. Doc said everything is ok and shared few tips to know if a child is having a fracture or internal bleeding after a fall. I found that useful and reassuring. He prescribed you some medicine in fear that you'll get feverish due to the shock and is experiencing some minor pain.

Anyway, you were very clingy and crying the whole day. I cant even put you down on my lap without having you screaming and pulling my shirt. You probably cried more than all your 7 months worth of cries put together. It's not the Amir i'm used to given that you're always the cool dude. It was heartbreaking and I feel like a dumb*ss. Papa was amazingly supportive and comforting. I think, if i remembered correctly, he even smiled when i first told him that u fell of the bed (well, at that point i feel like killing himlah!). He said this is perhaps your innitiation to the toddlerhood. Anyway,i guess, him being that cool and collected really helped. It reminds me again and again that it's only normal and next time i shold definitely be more careful. Tok Ma and Tok Pa were in Perak when they heard the news so they immediately dropped by once they arrived here. Upon seeing them, you became your cheerful self. I can see that Tok Pa is refraining veryvery hard from giving me a hard time in fear that it will make you cry again.

Amir, i'm very sorry dear. I hope this will never happen again. It's definitely not something i wanna WATCH again, and this sucky feeling.. urrgghh.. it's not nice at all ok? Having said that you are a real strong boy you know. Hope this will be a great lesson for both of us. I'm sorry dear and I love you veryvery much.

Tips from my doc, if the child is having an internal bleeding

- he might vomit again and again (vomitting once or twice could just be due to shock though)

- have severe headache, hence crying loudly non stop

- will be very passive

- become restless (to the point that it takes several adult to hold him still

- his pupil wont dilate or constrict when amount of light changes

- he may get fits

This is his opinion though, seek your doc's advise if this nightmare happen to you. I hope it wont.