Dear Amir

Hi again!

2010-04-22T09:59:00.005+08:00

Hi Amir,

I decided to blog again!

Wont bother with recaps of what we have been up to.. but it's been terrible and great, all at the same time.. yeap, a rollercoaster ride 24/7 and loving it, though it's driving me mad. Heh..

Adik turned 1 recently. And it frustrates me that i havent been uploading this blog much to capture those important firsts of hers. She walks now.. boy she even run at times. She took her first step when she was 10 mths old.. and there's no turning back. She's picking up her words.. fav being Abba.. (abang) and Papa. "Mama" only comes when she's in desperate need for comforting/food/clean diapers.. and i've willingly accepted that. :P She just grew her first tooth.. but sadly, she hasnt outgrown her eczema yet. She's one happy monkey, an active one too. She wont stay in the stroller for long when we're out but she's still ok being carried in a sling, thank God! But most of the time she'd be testing my stamina by running around, climbing over things etc.

As for you, you're one big boy now, fella! You're totally weaned off formula. You are mostly diaperless at home. You even learned how to clean yourself now (small business onlylaa). You're learning to dress and undress on your own. You can eat decently on your own. Wow.. basically, you're a lot more independant now.. in fact you can even look after your sis (from outside her cot) when i make the dash to the toilet etc.

Now, my third baby, The Toshop. It has been taking up a major part of my free time (wat free time??) lately, in a good way of course. I decided to go serious into this realising the potential of $$ it has, of course supported by the fact that we need more $$$ to support our life now.. haha.

Mula2 got some seed money from Tok Ma, then restrategize my sourcing.. and then have it listed on facebook.. then bang! Orders starts coming in like crazy! Am glad i can work on something that is so close to my heart, makes lots of ppl happy with my creation, and at the same time earn a little from it. I think i'm living my dreams! In fact before I left my job in the corp world i made a promise to myself to fully handle the family biz by age of 30 and have MY OWN steady biz, doing something that i like by the age of 35. I think i'm on track.. i think this is a promising start.

Oh well.. back to my dreams..

Hi!

2010-02-03T10:29:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!

It's been quiet in here. But i'm in the mood to rant today so here goes.

Dear Amir,

You are 30 months old now, big big boy. You havent shed much of your babyfat yet so you still have those nice round cheeks that never fail to draw attention when we're out. We call them your 'tomatoes' cos they turn bright red when you're hot. You also inherited Papa's belly (hhehe), which you endearingly refer to as "wa-tea-melon". You are wearing 5yo sizes now and that helps to curb my spending a bit cos buying clothes for you is sooooo susah!

Although you're essentially a 'big baby', your mouth is not. It's so mak nenek i tell you. As a result of spending too much time with your Tok Ma, you now sound just like her. Which makes you an interesting mind (and mouth) to manipulate. You have understood that the word "gemuk" is not a good thing (thanks to your Uncles/Tok Pa) so it has become like your swear word when you dont get things your way. I've been called "Mama gemuk" on several occasions in front of strangers and although you are correct to say that, i wish you hadnt.

During Uncle Yeh's wedding

We were a bit concern with your weight recently so we casually saw few doctors. Most of which advised us not to cut down on your food intake but just let you be you. Of course with less sugary stuff and lesser formula milk. Coincidently you were down with fever few weeks back, puked everytime you have your milk, which was a bit traumatising for you..which led to you weaning off the formula totally! Let me repeat that, Amir is not taking formula anymore, not from the bottle, not from spout or glass. So that's one thing done.. without much effort huh? Miracle betul.

So now, without much feeding, only main meals, you have a better bladder control. So currently we're on a mission to put you off the diapers pulak. We're still struggling at this though. You hate the diapers (maybe cos the biggest size available in the market pun dah too snug on you), hated commando style (Gelila mama!) so would go completely nude most of the time. Yes, nude at home, nude in the car to tok Ma's house, nude at tok ma's, nude at the office.. Havent tried underwear but looking at one pun you detest already. You wont sit on the toilet bowl, wont use potty, so we had to wash the toilet floor quite frequently now.. hehe. Small business dah sorted out cos you would promptly tell, go to toilet, squat, done.. but big business still is a major problem. You would promptly tell but would hold back once we're 'in position'.. but i guess u did well by telling already, so take your time dear.. you've done great!

Socially speaking, we noticed that you like to mingle with adults or older kids compared to kids your age. In fact, i think you're awkward around kids your age. Expectedla kot, being brought up around adults. But you love little babies still and is endearingly adoring your little sister. Though she is sometimes granted with a knock on her head, or a shove on the tummy by you. Yelah, wat to do, you have one fiesty persistent little sister who would do anything to grb and bite you or your toys when she feels like it, kan?

During Elena's bday - pic courtesy of Uncle Khalid's fb

Speaking of Sarah, she is now 10 months old. I know! 2 months till she hits 1!! oh my. Feel a tiny bit of guilt/frustration that i didnt document those past few months of her progress.. alih2 dah nak first birthday. But i'm a far from a perfect blogger mom, am not crying buckets over it, perhaps will put up a pics entry to make up for it la kot. Anyway, Sarah is already standing on her two feet now, trying very hard to take her first independant step. We figure by next mth, she'll be walking. She's not as vocal as you were at her age. Havent utter the magic word "Mama" yet but very close to saying "Papa" (how is this possible??). She's still toothless. She hasnt grown much hair either, unlike your luscious lock then. She's also kinda 'slim'.. very different build compared to her brother.

Personalitywise, she's one very determined girl. She doesnt say much but she's all over the place all the time. It's hard to keep up with her cos she's like one curious cat. She loves to lick and taste everything she can get her hands on. Recently we noticed that she has learnt the shrieking, tossing and turning on the ground skill, whenever we take away something from her. Just like you, she also prefers older kids, not her peers. She likes challenging physical activities, like climbing over things rather than sit, sing and clap like babies her age. Her caretaker at her nursery even commented that she gets irritated by her peers' babbling and prefer to join the older kids running around. She's not easily amused but she never fail to smile and laugh at your antics. In fact, one sure way to comfort her when she's crying is just to have you by her side.. how sweet is that.

The youngest girl at a bridal shower. Pic credit to Hetz

As for me, nothing is new, work is never ending, but still manageable and enjoyable. The Totshop is gaining more visitors and getting more enquiries though orders are still by referrals, through friends and family members. Last few months, we were busy with new project, tenders and yes, Uncle Yeh's wedding. Around the same time, your kakak went on a 2 months leave (she wanted to quit at first but decided to return after settling her matters). We found a nice nursery for Sarah and decided to continue with that arrangement even when kakak returned later. Thank God we did, Sarah is more sociable now and less clingy and demanding. We were down with fever and flu back to back, one after another. It was difficult months for us, financially, physically, emotionally (first few weeks sending off Sarah to the nursery was hard, for her and for me..). So there was a series of breakdowns, to say the least.. mixing business and family and everything under the sky. But all has settled now, alhamdulillah, and insyaAllah..

At Uncle Yeh's reception, you were too cranky to pose

Here's hoping 2010 would be much much better for us, amin.

Hey

2009-12-27T23:06:00.001+08:00

Still alive and kicking.. just too occupied with life ; )

Long weekend

2009-09-07T16:49:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

It's another long weekend this week. Last week, we kinda wasted the weekend away nursing my stiff neck. Man, it was frustrating.

This week is quite different. On Saturday, we went to visit baby Mike. Mia was not home but Yazid was there. Both of you were indifferent towards each other then. Later that eve, Tok Ma came over to fetch you for iftar at Tok Ayah Man's.

On Sunday, we went to hang out at Aunty Hetz's while Papa went to a workshop nearby. I watched 2 final episodes of Grey's Anatomy latest season (most anticlimax ending ever). You had 2 pcs of brownies and was not on good terms with Yazid... so much for playdate la konon. We invited them over for iftar at our place since I was in the mood to cook (ayam golek to be exact).

So we had dinner with great company. My ayam golek came out pretty well. And both you and Yazid were finally playing peacefully with each other. Though you seem to prefer his dad more.. haih! Sarah on the other hand were enjoying all the socialising given that she's always left at home with Kakak. So she bounce, giggle, shriek, chuckle, bounce again - none stop.

Today, we were set on staying in and taking it easy. At first we just enjoyed a slow morning, playing with Adik, watching her perform her latest stunt, lifting her chest AND butt simultaneously before slamming her face on the floor.

But I didnt feel like sitting still, so we went over to Tok Ma's (my fav 'grocery shop') and picked up a few things, went back and baked! I made lemon butter cake (Tok Ma's fav) and then let you help me with cornflake cookies. You helped to break the eggs, pour the sugar, scoop the butter and then, the ultimate task.. lick the batter off the utensil CLEAN!

Dap 'kek' mama masak..

Amir makan (dgn) jari keh??

Dap angaaatt..

Yes dear, it's an evil evil treat.. sekali sekala jelah k?

Then we had a playful shower and you retire as a sugarloaded yet tired little baker.

August retrospectively

2009-08-31T22:24:00.010+08:00

Dear Amir,

August was a whirlwind month for us so it's expectedly quiet in here. There's the takeover of a big project in K. Selangor, Pak Ngah's wedding in Endau and Alor Setar, then our short trip to Penang, our low key uncelebrated 4th anniversary, Tok Ma's and Che' Su's bday, Tok Ma & Tok Pa's uncelebrated 30th anniversary, Tok Ma's admission to hospital (again), 5 tenders to complete and company account submission.

I guess yang lain2 tu not a big deal but when Tok Ma was admitted that day due to hypertension mcm biasala everything went haywire (ie work, home, social, emotional, physical.. etc) cos we never learn our lesson the last time she was hospitalised and everyone is still patheheticly dependant on her like a baby. It's frustrating and i feel sad for her. But she has stabilised now and I am determine to not let her go back there, if only I can control what goes on in her overactive worrywart brain and of course how others act/say around her.

So Ramadhan is here, halfway through the course already. Only managed to go for terawikh once..heh. Out the first week (timing baikk punya.. ceh), 2nd week saw us working like zombies then I had stiff neck that went for 5 days, resulting in me crying like a baby 4 nites in a row due to excruciating throbbing pain whenever i lay my head on the pillow (Dahla bulan puasa, tido interrupted.. cannot properly sleep some more). We have been break fasting at Tok Ma's every day weekdays at her request cos she needs the help to clear up after dinner.. and it's fun that way too. Weekends are solely for Papa where i grant him his (menu) wish semampu mungkin. And we have rice for sahur... the complete rice with lauk pauk deal cos your dear Kedahan Papa just cant live without his fix of rice. So far manageable so I dont mind the cooking and stuff. In fact I dont really mind having less sleep nowadays.. perhaps cos Adik has established stable sleeping pattern at nite so i dont feel the rush to clock in hours of sleep as soon as she doze off kot. And i've learned to just let go and have my time now - give adik to kakak, let papa play with you and then sleep like a queen.. haha!

So Adik is 5 months old now. Unlike when it was your time, I didnt document her every single firsts for the last 5 months . Unlike when it was your time, this blog is not filled with what she did every single day or week. It's kinda sad but kinda expectedla kan.One thing about having a blog to jot down your development is that it helps to recall your progress, as benchmark for Adik's. So far, Adik is developing superbly. She's an expert at turning, either side. She can turn back to tummy to back. She can move her body backwards and in circle. She can lift up her upper body on both her hands. She's also starting to lift up her butt. Overall her progress is ok, alhamdulillah.. and she's also one bundle of happiness, always.

She cant keep still when we hold her up, she's the bouncing, jumping kinda baby, so unlike her calm and content brother. In fact, in terms of physique, she's lean and long (leggy lady) not round and stocky like you were.

She puts everything in her mouth and she drools a lot too. Now i know why they make supersmall bibs for small babies like her - never have to use them with you then. She love sucking on her fingers. She's showing sign that she's ready to wean. Smacking her lips when she smell food. Sucking on her thumb vigorously when she see us eat. I think I'll wean her off veryvery soon. Just waiting for her eczema to clear a bit before trying to feed her so that I can clearly identify if there's any allergy reaction. Paed diagnosed her with acute eczema, she cant be exposed to hot, stuffy places too long else her face'll develop red spots that looks like scalding marks. In fact, your uncles endearingly call her Si Tompok (my bros la ni, kerja sapa lagi?). Paed gave me some cream to put on those spots but it doesnt seem to work so we brought her to skin specialist who prescribed her with more cream. Frankly, i hate putting on those medic on her skin.. but who am i to wait it out and hope everything is fine without doing anything. Oh well, usaha and hope for the best.. the experts should know wat they're doing.

Oh, her fav person on this universe now is YOU. Nampak kelibat je she will chuckle and start jumping around. It melts my heart over and over again when I hear her gedik giggles playing with you. Yes, she sounds very gedik when she's chuckling/giggling.. or maybe i'm not used to a baby girl's sound cos boy, your voice were faar different back then.. very mm.. boyish? haha.. Apart from the giggles, she vocalise a lot, she likes to babble/shriek using her high pitch voice.. very 'makcik'-like. Just like you, she 'nags' herself to sleep.. (babble not stop when i cradle and sing lullaby for her)

As for you.. you've grown to become my best little chatterbox buddy ever. Your vocab has multiply tremendously and your words are now illustrated with full expression, so it's great fun to chat with you now. It's also much much easier to communicate with you since we can reason out with you now. You like to use expressive phrases like 'pun', 'lah','kot','amboi (my fav). You love stories, will ask us to tell you a particular story again and again then repeat the story for us in your own words.. total cuteness. But as usual, you prefer stories of your surrounding, ppl that you know, things that you like doing.. rather than stories from books which u cant relate to. You are also getting smarter, able to process logic and link between one info an another. You saw a premature baby on Nat Geo documentary the other day and exclaimed.. Baby sakit.. papa dia hisap rokok (referring to the 'baby' pic on a ciggy pack). When you see a tent, you'll say Uncle kawin.. banyak telorr.. (referring to bunga telur..)

As a big bro, you're still loving, helpful and protective. It's amazing looking such kind of big bro character in a young fella like you. You will help me to accompany Adik when she's fussing for milk while i'm making some for her. You'll say things like "Adik dont cry, Abang adeee.. ". When I ask you to hold the bottle for her, you will chat while feeding her. "Yaya nak susu? Mama buat, Amir egang (pegang)". And yes, when she cry and I'm at a dead end to make her stop, you'll contribute your own words like, "Dont cry Yaya, shhh.. notty ni.. notty Yaya." But of course, there are instances when you will show the siblings rivalry normalcy like fighting over Tok Ma's attention (rarely happen with me though, i wonder why), taking her toys away, insisting to sleep on her side of the bed. So i guess everything is normal.. better than expected perhaps.

Penang 2009 - Travelling with two

2009-08-23T13:54:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir,

Last weekend, we went back to Alor Setar for Pak Ngah's wedding. It was our first trip driving back with both of you. (We didnt bring Sarah along to Endau for the bride's side a week earlier.. and thank God we didnt). The trip back was kinda ok with more stops than usual, hence longer than usual too. We stopped in K.Kangsar for the infamous pau (siap call to book upfront) and the ikan bakar lunch by the kuala. You didnt sleep till after lunch, which is so unlike you who normally fall asleep within 15 mins once we hit the highway. You were babbling all the way, commenting on every single thing you see. When you got tired, you asked for your carseat which we didnt bring to make space for Adik's one instead. Adik on the other hand is so unlike you when you were a baby. She's such a wakeful baby that she only took several short naps throughout the trip. But after K.Kangsar, it rained and you both sleep (you celah my ketiak, sandwiched by pillows) till Alor Setar.

The journey to Penang was smooth, both of you slept well till we board the ferry. It was your third time on Penang ferry ride, but this time you're old enough to understand and were enthusiastic about it, although you didnt really understand that we're on a ferry rather than just watching ferries sail by. On the other hand, it was Adik's maiden ride, and just like you she just doesnt get it and seems irritated by the wind.

Before checking in, we stopped by Hameediya to pack our nasi kandaq lunch. Upon arrival, both of you were ssooooo excited. You were literally running and jumping and shouting about (sorry neighbours!). Adik was squeeling, chuckling and babbling non stop too. We stayed in the whole day, reclaiming our sleep from the past chaotic and hot nites in Alor Setar. Then we went out to tapau dinner from Gurney's drive. I must say, i'm dissapointed with the food there.. halal food lah. Limited choices and tak sedap. I mean, when i'm getting Penang delicacy in Penang's main eating hotspot, i deserve to have high expectationla kan. But nevermind to that, we still managed to stuf our face silly and it's rezeki alright.

Next day pretty much the same thing. Buffet breakfast (which i find more challenging with 2 to handle) then off to the pool, then lazing around in the room (while papa go tapau Nasi Kandaq Line Clear pulak), then Gurney plaza, then tapau dinner. We also managed to have some quiet time that nite with tall coffee in hand since both of you kong-ed early. We left the next day at 1pm, after tiring you out at the pool the whole morning. Journey back was kinda relaxing since both of you sleep most of the time.

All in all I think it was thoroughly enjoyed trip, just the way we planned it to be. The journey was surprisingly manageable, i think thank to you for behaving and undertstanding that Adik needs more of my attention now. It was also liberating for me to know that I am capable of such independance, i mean a trip without maid, or tok ma.. u know. Although we stayed in most of the time (H1N1 alert), I guess we did manage to make the best out of the trip (foodwise and claiming lost sleep). I think it'll be another half yr till we go there again (looking at the previous trips pattern) which is cool since Adik will be 1 then, probably able to toddle along, so that we can go eat nasi kandar in it's hot, curry-smelling ambience.. and oh.. the Penang Rd cendol that we had to give a miss this round.

Nak naik ferry!

MiniMe!

Jumping happily in Adik's cot upon arrival

All ready for the most looked forward activity

Bought her a teenytiny swimsuit, which she didnt get to use. Sampai pool je terus tido

And she woke up a happy little thing

Went back to the room for some snuggling time

We were the only guest at the pool the next day

Bliss

2009-08-06T00:29:00.004+08:00

Dear Sarah,

Your brother, Abang Amir turned 2 recently. Ever since then, he has been living up to its reputation, demonstrating what TERRIBLE TWO actually means. But i wont dwell on that, cos as usual, i keep on reminding myself that at leastI had it easy the last 24 months.

So I try to laugh it out when he wont stop crying and insisted to sleep naked in the office lounge yesterday, took back Aunty Mazidah's jar of sweets and insist to CHEW them one after another and smile cheekily when we scolded or reprimanded him. Of course, there are instances that I dont find it funny anymore like when he spit on Aunty Mazidah today, keep on opening one mineral water after another and throwing it away after only few sips (also today) or shouted on top of his lung when he noticed that you just fell asleep (today and last few days).

But you know what? Despite the fact that he wont let you sleep nowadays, he love you too bits still. He loves singing tepuk amai2 for you now. He also sings praise for you. He said Yaya comeyyyy angat.. Yaya wangiiiii angat every single time he plays with you. And he's catching loads of words fast these days though not that keen on structured learnings such as colours, shapes.. Well, at least he knows his ABC and 123 although he'll immediately say 'Tak tau!Tak andai!' when we asked him to say it for us. What he's more interested now is unconventional things like the names of her uncles' gfs, the type of car we drive, the names of petrol stations (ie shell, petronas, etc). Wont even learn names of animals but knows the different parts of the car interior (dashboard, meter, handbrake, steering, gear.. etc)

He gets on my nerves a lot these days that boy, but i sure love him dearly. Hope you bare with him too and enjoy his endless tepuk amai2 while he still care to sing for you ; )

(recorded at bedtime via 'hidden camera' cos he hates being photographed, but noticed it at the end and went off immediately despite being very sleepy)

TWO

2009-08-04T00:49:00.002+08:00

Dear Amir,

I hope you have fully recovered from the birthday party excitement. More specifically, the singing and candle blowing and cake cutting. I know I havent.

So we did throw you a party despite the fact that we're on a strict budget. Needless to say, it was totally worth it (refer pic below). Will write more about it later, still compiling pics from various paparazzi that day.

Anyway, before it's 'too basi', Happy Birthday my dearest Amir. Hope you had great fun the other day, and a blessed and happy life ahead. Bila besar jadi manusia berguna k dear? I love you loads.

(Pic cilok from Oja's fb, thanks Aunty Oja!)

Two under two so far

2009-07-21T00:06:00.006+08:00

Dear Amir & Sarah,

Well, it's a few days before Abang turned 2 so i thought i'd squeeze in some of my experience being a mother of 2 under 2.. (haha, so technical la kan your mom?)

Well, it was always our plan to have a big family and not delay on it. It's so natural to us since all my siblings and Papa's too are just 1-3 years apart, well except for Mak Su & Che' Su (which were way out of the age group compared to the rest, in their bongsu-ness glory). So it never occured to us to thoroughly to think of what's the best age gap, basically anytime is agood time once Abang hit 1. Seriously, ignorance is bliss.. haha

Abang was a veryvery easy baby. I remember being a bit scared that our firstborn experience is not a true reflection of what parenting a baby would be. Well, apart from my breastfeeding issues, everything else was fine. He doesnt fuss at night, he takes whatever brand of formula we gave him, he eats everything we feed him, he doesnt experience separation anxiety (well, not the wailing kind), his milestones are as per standard guideline, if not faster. He's such an angel.

So I was quite concern that when Sarah arrives, she'll be the total opposite, turn our life upside down and before i knew it, i'll be regretting a decision i made 9 mths ago? Well, Adik was not as easy as Abang, she cried a lot, quite a wakeful baby and has sensitive skin. Me on the other hand, is less prepared this time around in the sense that I thought of how Abang would feel, how Papa would feel, how Tok Ma will manage us during confinement BUT i forgot to prepare MYSELF for it. So first few weeks was a struggle for me. I cried a lot. I think the part that bothers me the most is seeing that Abang, 20 mths old by then, still a baby in my dictionary, now have to adjust to less attention from me AND the fact that i'm less worried about most of newborn related stuff as though i dont care as much compared to my firstborn. Get it? Getting stressed out over something that i worry less about?? Told you it was rollercoaster weeks.

Then things settled down.. but it was rocky and just when I thought I have things under control, the universe conspired to threw me off my feet again. One early morning, still dizzy from the tagteam game you two played on us earlier, Tok Ma called, and gave me a wake up call.. in its true sense. She told me that I need to step up and realise that i'm a mom of two, it's a hardwork so stop the whining and feeling sorry for myself already. Imagine being told that when i was just about to claim back my nitelong lost sleep, I feel me turning into an angry defensive teenager whose worst enemy is - her mom. Seriously, that lousy anger we had when we were a teenager and the whole world was against us (trust me, both of you will experience this, and i forgive u in advance for hating when it arrives). Well, that went for a few mins, then i cried, get up and realised, that was probably one of her best advice ever.. among her millions of other advices. So i tried to step up. Little2 things, wake up a little earlier each day, forgo more of my 'me time', DELEGATE MORE, accept that this is hardwork and may seem like impossible sometimes, but it is what it is. basically less and less of me, and more and more of the two of you.. simply put : sacrifice more.. (this is wat the huhahuha is about on Mother's Day pun kan?)

Now, we still suffer from sleepless nite occasionally when both of you tagteam on us, waking up in turn to turn our life miserable for that nite. We are forever tired for other stuff including for each other. We still get frustrated a lot (sometimes with situation, towards one of you, towards each other). We are feeling the financial pinch as a family of four (with both still diapering and taking formula milk and one outgrowing his clothes every week - yes, that's you Abang!)

But we dont really mind now. Because this is exactly what we want, parenting two kids (and more in the future insyaAllah). Perhaps being realistic, accepting that I am not perfect is the most important step. Then realising that it's not about me anymore, not Amirtime & metime.. it's AmirSarah time AmirSarah time all the time.. and be ok with it.. be happy with it. And then learning how to share everything with Papa, my stress, the workload, happy moments, laighing out bad moments, panic moments, all my dissatisfaction with his part of duties (hehe, important!), the fact that i'm too tired to cook that nite (and not feel bad it). I now understand the word 'partner' or 'better half' better now.. hehe.

And as for the timing, maybe a few years age gap is good for others, but for me, it's perfect as it is. What can be more enjoyable than looking at a 2y.o. (almost) calling himself Abang and trying to entertain his 3 mths old Adik? Oh yes, maybe the sight of the 3 mths old Adik cooing and chuckling when her 2y.o Abang plays peekaboo with her. Or maybe listening to the 2y.o abang singing Tepuk Amai2 in his own pelatness and melody.. jumping most of the lyrics and finishing with a loud "Mama kerja!!!".. well a lot more is as enjoyable as these but at the moment they only relates to the two of you playing with each other in your babyish nature..

So basically, to wrap things up.. being a mom of two under two is not easy. And no matter how much you read about it, it'll take time for you to adjust, and you should take your time. To me, it's (more) hard work. It's (more) demanding. But it's totally worth it. Every min of the sleepless nite..

Having said that, I think we'll wait a leeeetle longer for another adik k? Afterall Abang handled by Papa, Adik handled by Mama, the 3rd one?? Must be a different story altogether. Be realistic, remember?

Gugu gaga

2009-07-13T00:03:00.009+08:00

Dear Amir & Sarah..

I've been pretty occupied lately. Partly due to work. Mainly due to the two of you. But am not complaining. Life is good ... and it's moving at a veryvery fast pace too...The 1st video right to the last is just a month apart. Abang grew bigger & more expressive (both verbally & physically). Adik, used to just coo and gaze but now she joins in the fun with her chuckles too..(when she's not too busy rolling and slamming her face on the mattress, that is)

By the way, Amir, you're turning 2 soon!! Am quite overwhelmed - with the fact that you are turning 2 and your bday party guest list ;)

HELP!

2009-06-27T23:36:00.003+08:00

Dear fellow moms,

My bmilk supply is zooming down and i need help, advice or any petua that may help

As i've mentioned in earlier posts, Sarah is on mixed feeding. It used to be 70% formula, 30% EBM, then 50/50, then it drops to 100% formula for the past 2 days since i'm all dried up!

She rarely feed directly from me now. When she does, it's more of the playful kind, not the hungry kind. But when she does, i can actually see that there's plenty of milk.. enough to last the one hour suck, let go, sucksucksuck smile, let go.. These days, i pump only twice a day. (Was pumping every 4 hrs but mostly one or two sad drops and that sent me really stressed, so i limit the pumping) In the morning i get less than 1 oz and in the evening just slightly more than 1 oz. and this is not a joke. For the past few days, my morning pumping session produces nothing at all. Yesterday and today, I spent my whole day with her, and there were no letdown, not when we were playing, not when she's fussing for feed. I dont have engorgement, just feel heavy but no pain. Tried to pump with both of my 2 pumps, nothing!

I'm using medela harmony and spectra 3 interchangeably. But earlier this week, out of desperation, i used my bare hand and it produces close to 2 oz.. something i never achieve for a long long while.. but my nips suffer afterwards. My back ache too.

So how la? tried the fenugreek tea, longan, lobak putih, sawi, pegaga.. sama je. I'm not on any jamu and eating well. I'm happy most of the days lately. I know I'm doing far better this time around but I cant help thinking that breastfeeding is such a natural thing that it shouldnt be this difficult to produce enough milk to nourish my kid. Afterall she's only 3 mths old, almost. I'm not beatingmyself up abt this yet.. afterall i dont foresee that i will produce that long anyway.. but this is too soon, and i'm still game for this. So ladies, help me?

Rolled over

2009-06-19T01:24:00.006+08:00

Dear Amir,

We saw adik rolled over last couple of days. It was the first time she succeed. It was 6.30 am, she woke me up by pushing and struggling against me, so i get up to give her space. Then you woke up and and join me to watch and cheer her on, both half asleep, but I was alert enough to pick up the phone and snap the moment.

Another champion has landed!

Adik is almost 3 months now. She is more predictable and less fussy. She chuckles and smile and coo. She vocalise a lot now, especially when we adults are having our conversation. She's getting also close and familiar to kakak now. Since i've started work, I think this is a good development too. Tok Ma said kakak likes to coo and play with her too, which is good, hoping the attachment helps to retain her with us for a long time.. hehe..

She doesnt feed much these days, or maybe she has established a predictable pattern that when i'm with her, i'm not forever washing bottles, mixing formula, undoing my nursing bra, washing the pumping equipment and etc. She hardly feed directly from me now. She doesnt binge feed anymore so i guess that's why her direct feeding drop tremendously. So it's no surprise that my supply has also gone down like crazy. It stressed me out jugak last few weeks (staring at the empty bottles after 20 mins of pumping is simply depressinglah) so i chose to limit my pumping to twice a day, and get something like 0.5oz to 2 oz per session and become a happier person that way.

And now that i'm less stressful, things tend to fall into places la. I've started work, that helps me to find 'my time'. We're moving office and starting on a new project, so life at work is getting exciting. There'll be a family room/nursery in the new office so more excitement factor there. We have finally sorted out our routine at home and i've finally come to terms with the fact that my life will never be the same again (haha.. yes, finally) which is really the starting point for evrything to be ok again (or at least for now). Sorted things out with Papa a few weeks ago when i had a major breakdown after feeling too overwhelmed. He has since established a routine of his own to help me with stuff at home. You see, Sarah is unlike you in a way that she prefers standard routine while you are more flexible. So the only way to go about it is for us to be more err.. 'structured' or more disciplined la in managing our time around the 2 of you.

Aaaanyway, wat's up with you?

You're learning veryveryvery fast now - talking, mimicking, socialising, names, songs, concepts. You know that atm cards or anything that look like it is for drawing out money from the bank. You know that when something is not working, Papa should take the ladder, climb and fix it. You know that you are Abe to Adik, Amir to Mama and that I am Kak Ying to your uncles and Papa is Yang to me etc. You actually immitate me while 'talking' to Yaya, singsong tone, the gugugaga stuff. You love and adore her to pieces. Every morning, once you woke up, you'll climb the bed and check if Yaya is there and then join me cooing at her. She too responded to you in her own language.

I just cant wait till Sarah a little older and she's able to play with you.

And I just cant wait till Sarah a little older so that we can all go for a short vacay.. hehe.

Happy Day

2009-06-11T22:14:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

It's a good day today.

After 2 really bad days, finally it's all good today.

First day at work, well, first half day at work. Had lunch with Papa alone after soooo long.

Came back early, play with Sarah (she can chuckle now!) and then settled her to bed early, then cook good hearty dinner for us. I experimented with chicken breast, stuffed with chopped brocolli, mushroom and cheese, with applesauce and mustard gravy.. to officiate the new grill pan Papa bought me. Anyway, you've been sleeping really early these days so you've been skipping dinner. But tonight, you joined us and wiped your plate clean. And after dinner we cuddled up on the recliner tickling and giggling with each other. Now i realised how i miss you and our funtime together. And how you've grown.. lenguh ok having you on my lap now.

I feel good today, so i guess it's a good day. After 2 exhausting and frustrating days, i'm glad i'm happier today.

Alhamdulillah for days like these, even if it's just once a week..

And alhamdulillah, you havent outgrown cuddling yet, even if it's just for a short minute or two

Amir, mama love you loads. Thank you for being such a darling throughout this adjusting period.. you're my cute little rock!

p/s : I wish to write a long lenghty entry on handling 2 below 2 for the past 2 months.. but i'll just treasure this happy day and try to sleep earlylah today.. next time, stay tuned.

2, 22 and counting

2009-06-01T16:05:00.003+08:00

Like this boleh tak?

Since Sarah turned 2 mths yesterday and abang turned 22 months last week, Mama kira one go jelah.

Sarah at 2 mths old

you still prefer to be held upright either against our shoulder or 'sitting' back against our chest.
your head control and body movement has strengten tremendously that it's getting difficult to bathe you peacefully
you like to gaze at our faces
you are not that generous with your smile yet, but you loooove to sigh.. whyla dear, too young for that lah!
you like napping in the vibrating rocker thingy
you've established a steady sleeping pattern at nite, sleeps at 9pm, wakes up at 1am, 4am and 6am for feeds
you sleeps in your cot! stir occassionally but settles by yourself unless it's feeding time

Amir at 22 mths old

You love to listen to story, but all story must include your familiar characters ie Tok Ma, Mama, Che' Su, uncles.. etc
You have started to play rough - pushed and scratched a boy at the playground the other day cos he was trying to ride your bike..ishishish
You can count from 1 to 10 in Malay, not to keen on the English version though (whyla..English lagi senang wat!)
Refused to learn ABC as yet
Have started to string 2-3 words together but mostly still using the last syllable of each word
You are 16.7kg now! Wears size 4-5 years. Do not own any long pants or jeans cos the length is definitely out! Hardly fits XXL pampers of most brand.. (looks like it's potty training or ..err...customised diapers???)
You are still in the cranes and handyman phase..gets very excited when you spot a crane or big machinery (bulldozer/steamroll/tractor..etc). Owns a fleet of your own cranes, busses, lorries etc (and one 'mesin padi' tok Pa bought for you in Alor Setar... cool eh?). You can also spend hours playing with your set of tools, ie screwdrivers, bolt, nutt, hammer, saw.. etc (amir the builder!)
Ironically still very scared of machinery sound ie the blender, vacuum cleaner, drill, etc
Is beginning to take a STRONG liking in airplane and anything related to it (went berserk while watching The Terminal the other day cos you recognised that it's an airport but there's no airoplane.. haiyya!).. but then again, you're scared of the airplane sound. Pftt!
Loves to immitate ppl singing, with scrunch forehead and mulut muncung2
Continue to 'kill me' with your big hugs, huge chuckles, nitetime snuggles and when asked Sayang mama banyak mana? You'll answer with wide open arms and bigbig smile.. Aaaaanyaaaakkk! - cheap thrills, i know.. but just let me indulge while stock last boleh?

New life so far

2009-05-26T22:35:00.003+08:00

Dear Sarah,

It's been a while huh? Been really caught up with YOU, YOU, YOU and Abg Amir of course. I havent started work at the office but at the rate things are going at home, i think being in the office will be my much needed vacation!

Dont get me wrong, i love being with the two of you, 24/7. I can imagine being an emo when i leave you for work later this week. Yes, not yet 60 days but i'm going to office earlier cos 1. lots to settle, 2. am starting to feel my brains rotting away and yes, 3. for my sanity, i need to.. hehe.

We're back home now. Left Tok Ma's place a few days after you turned 1 mth. As much as the house is kelam kabut (we were in a middle of spring cleaning when we last left the house) i really really miss my HOME. In a way it was quite a hasty decision, and maybe not a good timing since you were not in your best mood that week.. org kata 'tukar bulan' so you were crying to no end at nite for several nites.

Over in Tok Ma's, we had Tok Ma to console you, and she works like magic, ambik je terus silent. But few days before we left, Tok Ma was also occupied with other stuff and wasnt home that much so I had to suck it up and survive on my own.. hence the decision to try to 'battle' the sleepless nite at home alone (with Papa of course) while we're at it. Few days was all it took and you were sleeping like a baby throughout most of the nite, in your cot!

It's been a month since we came back home and your temperament has been moving back n forth from amazingly cool to reallyreally cranky at times. You love your bath but hate it when i wash ur head. You nurse directly from me at nite. Take expressed milk in the morning n before bed n formula milk during the day. You need to be rocked to sleep but i havent succumb to the traditional buai yet even though Papa is hinting on the need. He is also suggesting pacifier on some bad days but i am still adamant about not introducing you to that yet, or ever, unless Papa can promise and are confident enough to wean you off it later... and since we havent succeed with Abg Amir i guess we wont start with you lah.

Abang Amir on the other hand is always his cool self. He's quite handy to have around at times. He helps me to fetch stuff for you like the bottle, wipes, blanket. When I pump, he even insist to hold the bottle for me. He constantly shower you with kisses and hugs and he wont allow strangers near you. He understands how to control his geram towards you, so he'll usually come and clench his mouth and fist and shriek your name but when he plays with you, it's ever so gently.

Thank God that he is not jealous of me giving you full attention at home even tho there's no Tok Ma or the uncles and aunty to attend to him. All he need is constant conversation regardless if i'm feeding, bathing or putting you to sleep. He likes to read now and occasionally join me to watch tv, still not cartoon, just some emotion-packed drama for my drama dude (with a condition that i narrate every single thing happening on screen to him relating to his familiar character - so everyone becomes either Mama, Papa, Tok Ma, Tok Pa, Kakak, Che' Su.. etc..and every baby is baby Yaya!) He's also beginning to count and make out sentences so he's quite a handful to layan too.

As for me, i'm awfully tired most of the time. It's frustrating and embarassing to admit since I am one of the luckiest mother on earth with all the help i get, YET I'M STILL DARN WORN OUT! Last few nites were not good, so i end up sleeping as you doze off and even BEFORE you sleep.. leaving everything for Papa to handle. Feel so incapable and selfish and inconsiderate...or simply a bad mother. But despite all these ill-feeling, I am generally veryvery happy and contented. Afterall the sucky feeling always went away as soon I see you coo-ing or sleeping orAbg laughing and fooling around.

Sleep-deprived but happy still

I've also been meaning to make some changes where vanity is concern. Been commiting to my evening walks which i wish to upgrade to jogs or brisk walk soon. Watching wat i eat more closely, but not obsessivelyla. Am also contemplating on wat to do with my hair. Revisiting my make up collection...haha. I need it for myself.. just something i need to do for myself apart from that special someone of course. : ) Tapi i think so far mostly not resulting to anything yet lah.. still old, boring tired-looking ponytailed me. Happier none the less : )

The loves of my life.

1st month

2009-05-01T09:15:00.007+08:00

She is affectionately known as Sarah, Yaya, Adik, Baby, Girl, Mek and budak kecik

She 's starting to smile, but still figuring out the correct muscle to work and her eyes twinkle when she does that

She makes a lot of random oh-so-cute baby sounds

She sneezes loudly, just like an adult, exactly like her mom

She sleeps best with her arms extended next to her head... exactly like her mom

She's fiesty and more aggrasive than her elder brother when he was her age

She has these amazing long and slender fingers

She has grown her hair back after the complete bald do she had at 7th day

She love it when her Tok Ma hold her close and rock her to sleep

She love to gaze at her Papa after her evening change

She has a love-hate relationship with Mama's boobs

She's an easy baby without much fuss and only basic needs

She watches the tv!

She can sleep anywhere regardless of her surrounding - again, just like her mama

She's Sarah Suffiya and she's 1 mth old today

Dear Sarah,

Happy 1 mth old girl. Looking forward to manymany months and years ahead with you. Mama loves you

1 mth old Sarah

The pose that make me wanna bite u!

Mini Me!

Trying hard for that smile

Almost there smileyface..

21 months and counting

2009-04-22T12:33:00.006+08:00

Dear Amir,

You're 21 mths old now!

At 21, there's so much that you learned and understand. Your vocab has improved dramatically. You are still not able to put 2 words together, but you will say them one by one that it made sense and made it much more easier to understand your language.. well me and Tok Ma la.. the rest still needs translation. Your overuse word now is O'o!.. used aptly when something goes wrong. You also like to parrot us for the fun of it, and the funny thing is it's usually some random Kelantanese words - thanks to 3 weeks of 24/7 exposure to the slang. Your favourite being 'bobebobe..' (translation : the act of blabbing non stop), which Tok Ma used to described you.. hehe. There are a few others that you particularly like to immitate, but i really cant remember. Oh.. you also showed some Kedahan streak in you when you pronounce gatal as 'gatai'.. something that non of us thought pun but came natural to you much to Papa's delight.. hehe.

Your playtime has also taken a different dimension now that you have received lots of 'wisdom and training' from your 3 uncles. You now know how to point your fingers to someone and go 'Bang! Bang!' and replied 'Arkkk..' when they shoot you (play dead). You know how to kick and box. You know how to lift up both your feet to jump. You know how to pretend to race (complete with the ke garisan, sedia, mula! act- so old school la Uncle Cho!). You love to wrestle. You love being out in the sun to wash car. Basically you're a 'trained' little boy now. But despite all the roughplay, when you turn to Yaya to coo at her, your voice will go all mellow and sweet and you'll be veryvery gentle with her. Cair mama..

But on top of all these, there's one development that i found especially amusing this month. You know how to 'act' in order to get our attention. You like to pretend as if your fingers or toes got stuck, normally when someone went out the door leaving you behind or closed the refrigerator door without giving you something that you wanted from it. You'll fake crying and go "Ket, ket.. pet..pet.." (Sakit, sakit, kepit, kepit). You also pretend to fall when you're ignored. Sometimes you yell for help and pretend as if you're about to fall. I guess it all started when the actual event happened and all of us rush to your rescue. So, somewhere in your smart little brain, it registered that these incident is a confirmed attention grabber. Manipulative little guy la.

Amir, you amazed me to no end la these days. From a squirmish clueless baby to a chunky abang, full with tricks up your sleeve. Happy 21st mth dear!

Weighty issue

2009-04-22T12:12:00.002+08:00

Dear Amir,

Ever since we stayed at Tok Ma, you've been expanding horizontally at a worrying speed. Most of those who saw you lately said that there's nothing to worry about since you are healthy and just as active as a toddler can be. In fact you're even more active now that you have more space to run about and lots of people to run to. As a person who consistently surpass the standard size since veryvery young, I think it's justified for me to worry. Afterall, your Papa's gene is not of the petite kind either. So, you have it there in your blood like a weight problem fail-proof plan.

What cause this is definitely your food and uh-uh(milk) intake. You drink your milk like every 3-4 hours now.. just like baby Yaya. In fact, i think it was her that might have 'caused' this pattern since you'll demand for milk everytime you see her feeding. I've asked kakak to make half bottle everytime you ask for uh-uh, but you'll throw a fit once the bottle is emptied. So we are diluting your feed now, and so far no complain. I wont be too worried abt this if your food intake is ok, but the problem is, the kitchen/dining area is your main camp site and that means you'll eat and snack constantly. That is not including the main meals that you seems to enjoy especially now that you have learned to like ikan goreng and sup sayur - which is my confinement menu.

Well, 21 mths, 16+ kg and the XL huggies diapers now looks like a g-string on you - I hope they are right and i'm just paranoid.

Al fatihah

2009-04-17T11:54:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir & Sarah,

Late last nite, i received a very heartbroking sms from Aunty Hetz about our close friend's stillbirth baby who should be due in 2 weeks time. And as I've shared before, I'm not good at this.

Till now I am still figuring out what to say to her, or text her. But I know what's important is not the carefully thought out words but the thoughts and support itself. Even if it means just sitting silently next to her or crying with her. But I cant do either of that now, except for offer her and her late son my prayers.

As a mom, I understand how it feels when something goes wrong with your baby. But this is of totally different level, and I dont know and wouldnt want to ever experience what she feels now. I hope she remain strong. God is fair, insyaAllah, there are hikmah in everything that happens although it's veryvery hard to see that now.

To my dear friend, i know it must be veryvery hard for you and family but please take good care of yourself A& banyak2 bersabar

Cukur Jambul

2009-04-16T22:54:00.000+08:00

Dear Amir & Sarah,

Things are going ok lately. Both of you are spending a lot of time with me, together. Sarah, your acne on the cheeks has subsided a little but now it's spreading to your chin and a bit on the forehead. So, we're going to get it checked, finally. (Yes, it's true what they say about parenting the 2nd time around, we're just not as paranoid - perhaps bordering laid back now).

Anyway, I just want to upload some photos we took during Sarah's cukur rambut, held on the 7th day at Tok Ma's house, attended by all TokMa & Tok Pa's neighbours (mostly pensioners - since it was a weekday morning).

The guests - Amir & Sarah Fan Club aka Opah, Nenek, Tok..etc

'Belah mulut' with kurma and air zamzam by the ustaz

While Uncle Wan poses, Uncle Yeh control and Papa trying hard not to fall asleep.. hmmphh

You slept throughout the process xcept for a while when you cry to demand your feed

Hopefully Sarah will have a great beginning and grow to be a solehah

Dah botak dah anak Mama!

Amir went 'Mbuk?Mbuk? Takdeee..'

(Translate : Mana rambut? Takde..)

Then we took our first ever family-of-4 photo

After the majlis - 2 tired kids and their aunty

My harta dunia akhirat, insyaAllah

Red cheeks

2009-04-11T17:59:00.005+08:00

Dear Sarah,

Today you turned into a 'big girl' - your umbilical stump dropped off during your bath. We also noticed that your skin is peeling off especially on your tummy and legs - a sign that you're growing up, Tok Ma cakapla. Unfortunately your facial skin is facing some problem now - rashes around the cheeks. It can be ok at one time but turn bad and worse, then subside again, all within a day. Abang Amir used to have something similar to this then too, it was not as much and was diagnosed as normal baby acne. I suspected yours is due to milk smearing on your cheeks during feeding, or due to skin contact with my breast or your damp mitten. It looks so itchy and painful but the good thing is you dont seem to make a fuss out of it even when we clean it. We're keeping and eye on it and perhaps go to your paed if it doesnt go away soon. Anyone, any idea how to overcome this?

If they were freckle, they would be cute on you! (Picture taken when they were not as bad, pink as opposed to inflammed red during certain time)

p/s : Am desperately looking for nursing bra, size 40 and above..mothercare's are available in 40s but doesnt suit me well.. HELP!

A happy report

2009-04-09T10:37:00.004+08:00

Dear Amir & Sarah,

Alhamdulillah, things are settling down now and I'm happy to say that we are all adjusting well to this new environment too. As i'm writing this, Sarah is sleeping and Abang & Tok Ma went out shopping with her 'girly group'.

Both of you can co-exist harmoniously now and we're not as anxious about having abang too near to Sarah anymore. Amir, you spend a lot of time with Mama and Sarah now as opposed to being clingy to Tok Ma during the first few days. You are also getting more manja with me without disturbing my time with Yaya. In fact both of you sleep with us now instead of taking turn sleeping with Tok Ma. Sarah doesnt seem bothered when you wake up and make a fuss at nite and similarly you didnt budge when Sarah cry too. Every morning when you wake up, you'll ask me for Yaya.. and will instantly smile when you spot Sarah nestling next to me. You has grown attached to Sarah so much so that you'll check on her every hour and giveher a kiss from time to time. You are also very protective of your little sister, Amir. You dont like strangers holding your baby sister and would cry when someone tease you and say that they'll take Yaya away.

Sarah, similarly you have also settle down nicely to the new environment. I'm more confident to say that you ARE an easy baby just as Abang was. You mostly sleep through the day, waking up only for feeds and a change. At nite, you'll wake up during Maghrib time and cluster feed and poo that is taking in bottles after bottles or boobs after boobs then poo several times in between the feeds untill it's around 11pm when you settle nicely to sleep. You normally wake up again around 3am for comfort feeding ie clinging to me half asleep and half sucking for an hour or so then sleep again till Subuh. And the cycle goes on.

My curlywurly girl

As for me, i can finally breastfeed! Though i'm not breasfeeding exclusively, i'm very happy that at least i get to experience breasfeeding itself and provide some antibodi-packed food. Unlike Abang, Sarah is more willing to latch again and again which is really the key to this progress. She wont take my boobs when i try to feed while lying down though.. so it is still pain-in-the-neck, back-breaking experience albeit a worthwhile one. My 'equipment' is still quite dissapointing too, very little output and 'shy nips' that needs some working to pop out. By the time it pops out Sarah is already unconsolably wailing. I try to feed Sarah as frequent as I can but if i cant (she refuse/too sleepy/i'm too panicky/no let down) i'll pop her the bottle and proceed to pump. Currently trying to pump at least once every 4 hours, according to Sarah's feeding pattern but I normally yield a measly 1oz per pumping session (one session last up to 1 hour) and she takes about 2.5oz per feed. Sad i tell you, but i'm ok with it cos this has surpassed my expectation anyway.

Confinement wise, i'm enjoying the whole thingla, except for my occasional craving madness for a glass of iced coke.. sigh.. Am determine to lose the weight, way more than wat i gained during the pregnancy. So semangat, thanks to 'The Biggest Loser' that i religiously watch towards end of the pregnancy then. So far i've lost 8kg out of 10kg gained. Unlike the first time, I dont have that much time in hand during this confinement period since I still do some officework occasionally and I got to consciously ensure that Abang get some tlc too.

So Amir & Sarah, thank you for cooperating throughout this adjustment period. Hopefully all of us will be fine enough to move back home as soon as possible since I know Papa miss being in his own pad. On that note, thank you dear for everything, especially being patient with my whining and crying during my downtime last week. I wouldnt have come out of it unscathed if it wasnt for you.

Sarah Suffiya - The birth story

2009-04-06T16:25:00.004+08:00

Dear Sarah,

I hope you're getting used to the environment by now. I know it's not easy but you're doing veryvery well dear. Just take your time and be assured that all of us are around, though it could get suspiciously quiet and lonely at times (that's when i update this blog..hehe)

I thought of writing your birth story in all its glory and gory details..(I thought of this while I was on the delivery bed). But then again, why should I? Looking retrospectively, I should be veryvery grateful that it went the way it did and there's nothing much to describe anyway cos it was one quick one.

As I noted earlier, towards the end of my pregnancy, things were not peachy and rosy. It was excruciating pain almost every day. I was feeling heavy and on really bad days, i cant even move cos it was too painful for me. Then on Sunday morning (29th March) i went all weak and was bedridden due to high fever. The bug even got to Abg Amir and he was down with flu too. That night was Papa's worst nightmare, Abg Amir was having high temperature and vomitting while I was sobbing in pain (migraine and body aches) and couldnt say (bad sorethroat), eat or drink anything.

The next day, I suddenly realised that you were not moving actively in my tummy. So we went to the hospital, leaving sickly Abg Amir with Tok Ma with veryvery heavy heart. I was admitted, suspected dengue. Doc asked me to rest and stay in till all the tests are cleared. Again Papa hardly slept since he accompanied me at the hospital while checking on abang every now and then. The next day (Tuesday 31st March), we almost got a green light to leave since all my test showed that i'm cleared of dengue. My fever has almost cleared too. But suddenly the ECG showed that your heartbeat was irregular. We ran the test again and again untill Doc is convinced that it is nothing to be fearful of, so off we went back to pick up Abg Amir (who is also getting better by now).

Things got better from then on. On the way back, we detoured to Jln Bellamy for ikan bakar lunch (just for the record). Then back at Tok Ma, I managed to settle some office stuff and play with Abg Amir. I remembered being veryvery happy upon reaching home that night. So happy that we're finally back home in good health after 2 nites of misery. But I am also very aware that I have been experiencing some mild contraction ever since we left hospital that afternoon, so instead of calling it an early nite, Papa and I repacked our hospital bag (which was prematurely used the nite before).

10.00 pm - I called Tok Ms to get her to sleep early cos I dont feel good and we might be in for a long day again tomorrow. Coincidently she was at a neighbour house who just got back from Umrah bearing kurma nabi and air zam-zam for me and Yaya.

10.30 pm - Tok Ma and Tok Pa came over to drop the dates and air zam-zam.

11.00 pm - Finished packing, contraction is every 20 mins and it got stronger too.

11.30 pm - Papa went to shave cos the last time we took pic with Abang on fhis birthday, papa was very scruffy looking.. haha. By now, it hits me that i'm in labour - when i'm not fit enough for such hard work, when Abang is still sick and that means Tok Ma and Tok Pa wont be by my side in the hospital (yes, i'm a spoilt child right to the delivery bed). I felt really scared and cried but quickly consoled by clean-shaven Papa.

12.00 pm - We drop Abang nd kakak off at Tok Ma and head to the hospital. I told Tok Ma to stay at home and look after Abang instead of following us to the hospital. Kissed and salam Tok Pa and Tok Ma and asked for their forgiveness. Abang who were soundly asleep earlier woke up just in time to wave us goodbye. Once again, i was scared and I cried. I remember thinking of the worse and what would happen to Abang if i didnt make it. I know, i'm morbid sometimes.

1.00pm - We arrived at the hospital at 1 a.m after stopping by McD on NKVE (just for the record - we didnt have anything since the ikan bakar lunch).

1.05am - We were ushered directly to the delivery room. Most of the staff working then were from the afternoon shift, so they immediately recognised me. I was examined. Only 1-2cm dilated. Contraction is every 10 mins by now.

1.45am - Nurse offered epidural but I asked for pethadine instead. It takes them forever to adminsiter the drug since I couldnt keep still due to the ongoing contraction. I was also dehydrated by now but the nurse couldnt get the saline drip going since she couldnt find my vein. As a result, i got poked at 4 different places on both arms to no avail. Asked Papa to eat cos I didnt want my only pillar of strength to pass out of hunger in the middle of it all. But the Coke was a bad idea. Because his burping annoys the toot out of me especially in that situation.

2.00am - Contraction came back to back. Pethadine does not work since I did not have a breather in between the contractions. Doc arrived and examined me. I was 8cm dilated already. He broke the waterbag and estimated that we'll get down to the pushing business within 1.5 hours. He was wrong. As soon as the water gush out, I immediately feel like pushing.

2.30am - Almost everything prep up. Was asked to hold the push. I remember being quite 'noisy' by now. Then came the cue, ok, start pushing now. And with that green light, I suddenly forgot how to push.. haha

3.00+am - I felt you crowning. Doc asked to stop pushing while he does his thing (checking the umbilical cord i think). When he asked me to give one last good push, I did and the next thing i know is that familiar feeling of relieve as a huge mass of warmth slide out of me.

And there you were, laying restlessly on my tummy. I stroke you and suddenly panicked when you didnt cry. But seconds later you let out a big wail and continue crying till everything were done. It was the best sound a mom could ask for, how ironic!

Sarah, when I first saw you I remember briefly counting your fingers and toes. I remember your teeny tiny curls that I have hoped for. I remember your prominent nose. And your (our) trademark red pouty lips. You were perfect my dear. And while i'm taking all these in, I remember Papa crying and kissing my forehead again and again. God has granted every single wish I have asked for. A quick labour, a healthy baby, another chance to carry and safely bear a child for Papa.

Alhamdulillah. I am truly blessed.

Sarah Suffiya, welcome to the world my dear.

Yaya has arrived

2009-04-05T23:56:00.004+08:00

Dear Amir,

Last Wednesday, we welcome Yaya to our family. She arrived safely at 3.17am on April Fool's day via a normal delivery, without any complication, alhamdulillah. She is healthy and very semangat, just like you when we first saw you. She's slightly taller/longer than you at birth and weigh 3.29kg, just slightly lighter than you. She also boast a head full of hair when she arrives, tiny teeny curls which i'm sure will turn out cute on her.

Yaya @ Sarah Suffiya on her birthday

I am currently doing fine physically but am a bag of mixed emotion most of the time. You seem to cope up well being an abang and Yaya is adjusting fine too . As for me, i think i'll take a longer time to adjust being a mom of two. Bare with me ok dear?

Pain

2009-03-28T01:22:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

Today i'm literally immobile. Woke up feeling very very heavy. By the time we reached Tok Ma's house I almost couldnt get out of the car. My pelvic floor feel veryvery sore and even the slightest movement caused me excruciating pain. Laid down and sit most of the time but it does not help, in fact it made things worse cos getting up later is so sakit. Tried to 'walk it off' but my every step is like a mission impossible. Even recuperating from childbirth is waaaaaaayy better than this.

One thing about being in this state is that i missed a lot of your everyday stuff. Like bathing you, chasing, wrestling, even cleaning up after your mess and No 2. I actually miss changing your diapers! How desperate is that?? In fact, as much as I enjoy my me-time when kakak brings you out to the playground, I actually feel bad that i dont make that extra effort to join. Maybe i'm just lembikla kot. But it's not that I dont care. Kakak reported that you have started to push and shout at some kids at the playground. But she also said that it's normally cos you're provoked, crossed or treated the same way by them. I dont know how to react to it, in a way i think it's pretty normal - a normal development in fact, sense of individuality.. heh! I'm one of those mom who cant stand looking at a kid being nasty to you unnecessarily. But i'm also a rational person la, so i never snap back. Now, i guess you have figured out your own defense mechanism. Afterall you're still very cordial with kids who plays with you on the same term.

Anyway, so much for a day of nothing but tolerating pain. At least i get to change the layout of this blog. And that makes me feel better in some weird way.. hope Yaya will accept that as a welcoming gesture AND decide to finally be here..

Countdown to Adik - Week 39

2009-03-26T00:09:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

I am 39 weeks pregnant with adik today. Yaya, as you have affetionately named her, is still curling peacefully inside. Tried to coax her to arrive within these past few days, or today, like right after our check up, but nope. It's very comfy inside i guess. You should know, you were there till 3 days before your EDD too right.

Anyway, the checkup went fine. Doc said Yaya is small, but not too small. (Small relative to you and the fact that Papa and I are not small ppl..hehe). Doc said her head is not fully engage yet, meaning it has not descend to the lowest position possible. So he booked me for another appointment next week, during which we will schedule an induction, if need be in the 41st-42nd week. Sigh...

Patting Yaya to sleep - your daily routine now

As usual, after check up, we went merendek. We were thinking of installing the much awaited wardrobe in the master bedroom when i'm away at Tok Ma's during confinement, so off we went to Ikea to get an idea. I had Ikea's salmon.. which was on my shrinking "to eat" list. Bought my CIMA study materials. Trying to squeeze in some study time during confinementla konon. My exam's in May, so i dont have much choice anyway. We also bought two books for your, one with pics of farm stuff and another was full of pictures of cranes, trucks and all the heavy vehicles. As expected, you preferred the book with the cranes and all, almost totally neglecting the other one. In fact, you 'read' and gaze at the cranes to sleep just now.

So much for 'done with jalan2 shopping2'. I thought i would deliver before I had another chance. But today kinda restarted the mood lah. Oh, we actually went to One Utama before the check up since we have some time to kill before in between some errand and the doc's appointment. So that's 4 malls, OU, Ikea, Ikano and Curve in less than a day. (Am hoping this will expedite things, but adik seems to enjoy the 'ride' je. She behaved very well and didnt even torment my bladder the whole way) I promised myself to go back for some nice undies this weekend, if i havent delivered. Incentive kinda thing, so that my mind wont be fixed on giving birth...but buying undies instead.. weee..

By the way, speaking of 'to eat' list, here's the collection for the past 9 mths.. and this is one of the reason why I hope i'm done with this pregnancy as soon as possible.. very hazardous .. hehe

Kebab (Westend, Brisbane) - i lost hope on this one
Tony Roma's ribs - done
California Pizza Kitchen's artichoke dips - done, was also thoroughly enjoyed by you
Seafood Kuala Selangor - done
Ikea's salmon - done
Cuppacake cupcakes - done
Super thick sinful lasagne - done
Ikan patin masak gulai tempoyak - done
Endless servings of thin crust Domino's pizza - done
Kanna nasi daun pisang - done
A&W waffle with ice cream - done
Laksa johor - done tapi tak best, and now dah tak nak
Vietnamese beef noodle
Endless servings of sushi
Baby borneo drink

I know where to get the vietnamese beef noodle and sushi. Just a matter of when and with whom, since both are not Papa's palate. But the last one, the baby borneo drink.. i remember stocking it in my locker during my boarding school days. Now they're nowhere to be found. Those similar drinks available are nowhere close since they are too sweet most of the time. How ah? Anyone got any clue?

Countdown to Adik - Week 38

2009-03-24T15:58:00.002+08:00

Dear Adik,

Hi dear? How are things inside there? Is it still very comfy cos you dont seem to budge from where you are.

All of us including your Abg Amir is anxiously waiting for your arrival now dear. All of us aimed a date and so far, all our guesses except for Tok Ma's has come and gone. My XXth guess would be tomorrow, when we go for our routine check up and asked to check in immediately. It's more of my wishful thinking more than anything. Getting harder not to think about this since the physical reminder is too obvious.. and i've been losing sleep over the anticipation.

Dont get me wrong. I love having you all snug and protected inside there. I bet i'm gonna miss the feeling as soon as you enter the world. But it's taking a huge toll on me now dear. And i dont want to end this pregnancy a sore desperado wishing to get out of this condition as soon as yesterday. As of now, i'm still hanging on, though every single movement is causing me pain down south. Like seriously. I'm so unbelievably unfit, almost to the state of immobile. Well, i can still move around la, but not without risking OUCH! and AAAHH! here n there enough to scare those around me. It's pretty scary even to me cos I wasnt like this when i was carrying your Abg Amir at full term. And he is a whole 0.5 kilo heavier. Sigh..

Anyway, you know what? All the prep for your arrival is done. ALL. Earlier, I kinda procastinated on a few things intentionally cos I dont want the anxiety to creep in as soon as everything is done. But we have got my customised bengkung sorted out. Your cribs and our confinement 'suite' is all ready (Thanks Uncle Cho for lending us your nice cosy room). Workwise, i've delegated mostly everything already and my ongoing project that was due early April, is already completed ahead of schedule. We also had 2 separate sessions of sembahyang hajat for both of us. Yesterday, it was among Tok Pa's neighbours. The ladies commented on how low my tummy looked now. Some said it looks protruding, a girl definitely. Are you?

Ok dear, so, shall we make it tomorrow then? Just take your time ok. What's important is both of us are ready and you'll arrive a healthy bundle. Anyway, just in case it wasnt clear enough, I am SO ready now. Cant wait to see you.

19 going on 20

2009-03-16T21:45:00.000+08:00

Dear Amir,

You're 19 mths no, turning 20 in exactly a week's time. No, i havent forgotten, i'm just plain lazy and too tired at times.

It's been a while since I wrote your detailed progress. But as any mother would agree it is hard to really pin down every single thing when you kids seem to develop at lightning speed. Anyway, today i feel like it. So here goes.

At 19 months now, you are beginning to throw tantrums when your demand is not met. I must say it's very rare though and it's not the embarassing kind, perhaps even cute to a certain extent. Normally, you'd throw wateva in your hand (your pacifier la normally), then sit/lay down on the floor and keep still. Silent protestla konon. You did it quite a handful of time last few weeks around the malls that we went to resulting in a collection of your protest pics in my phone cam. You've also started to be physical now, beating our legs when you're angry or excessively shy towards something. Your only two victim now is Tok Ma and me, regardless of the actual person you are angry with. The other day, when I ignore your beating, you proceed to pull my hair! Haih!

As for your food intake, you've established a strong preferance for some type of food. You absolutely love half boil egg with toast (following the kopitiam trend huh?), any forms of noodle, pasta, carrots and grapes. You also have a habit of not mixing different texture together. So we have to separate the rice and lauk so that you wont spit it out. Your magic food is karipap. You recognise them and will go Pap! Pap! when you see one. On some days, you actually asked for pap from Tok Ma for tea and can finish up to 3 of them at one go. You can also say Dap! Dap! (sedap) when you like something. Consequently, you take less of your milk and since last week, you've skipped most nite feedings, prefering to drink more at one go just before bedtime and another feed just before it's time to wake. Thank God, how timely! At least we dont have to juggle time between your feeding and adik's in wee hours of the morning soon. And another progress towards being a big bro is that you're able to drink from a cup by yourself without much mess. I cant say the same about your food though, but since you insist to feed yourself, we just let you and try not to fret too much about the mess lah.

You've also become more active now, as any toddler should. Climbing about, shouting and shrieking when you're excited. You love climbing and chilling on our recliner, complete with finger tapping on knees all.. You also like to play rough, like wrestling with Papa a lot, like to play shooting with uncle Yeh (where you go bang!bang! with your fingers, and uncle yeh respond back - thanks to him, i dont get to uphold the violent-free games) I can say you're smarter now too. Finding ways to solve 'your problems' like using your golf driver/cloth hanger to fetch a ball under the bed, using a stool to climb up the bed. Using the chair to climb up the table to get to the ultimate toy - the fax machine. The other day we couldnt find you anywhere so Tok Ma went upstairs and found you sitting at the office chair, tapping on the mouse. That means you climb up the stairs and the chair all by yourself. Sakit jantung!

Your vocab has expanded tremendously too. You can basically parrot every single thing we say, but mostly the very last syllable of the sentence la.. You havent managed to string two words together but that does not stop you from talking continuously. You also like to askquestions, using you one syllable words and a question tone at the end. Tok Pa has already complained that you're such a bising boy. Ironically he used to complain about your slow progress (according to him lah) in talking.

Wat else is there huh? Oh yeah, your craze now is cranes, big lorries, water fountains and babies.

Pantang nampak long tall thing in the sky, you'll shout Yeinn!Yeinn!. The other day you went crazy in KLCC when you saw the fountain in the garden... that's Ayii! Ayii! (air) to you. Lorry is Loyee.. so our ride to anywhere is never quiet cos God knows how many lorries there are on the road these days. Now as for babies.. you absolutelylove everything associated to them. Small tiny clothes, baby cots, pics of babies, pics of preggy tummy.. You're also veryvery anal about keeping things closed/shut. Like the bottle cap, the door, the tupperware, oh and my tshirt whenever i lay down exposing my glorious tummy. Oh yeah, you've also understand the concept of fear now, and the 'thing' you are most fearful of now is Uncle Yeh (with his leg all wrapped up post-operation recently) and sound of thunder.

Well, i told you i'm in the mood today! I'm glad i took the time to write this cos now it made me realised even more that you're such a 'big guy' already. In fact i can already see a glimpse of the real personality you'll establish as a person later. As for me, i'd say this is another exciting (and mind bloggling) phase for us since you're slowly beginning to become more inquisitive and analytical. I remember telling my friend how i fear the day when you start to ask what's that mama? why this mama? how that mama? but why mama?.. But as it is starting now, i think it's gonna be fun. I'm going to have a buddy2 soon instead of a little clueless boy.

Amir, mama loves you little buddy!

Note to self

2009-03-14T00:18:00.002+08:00

Dear Amir,

I'm getting tired of this blog outlook. I think it needs another facelift..

And that's my excuse for not being here as often as I want to. I know i missed your 19th month update. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now, and there's so much to share but i havent got around to do that either. Including this morning's false alarm when adik hardly move since last nite and sent me on panic frenzy.. only to find out that perhaps she ws in deep slumber due to the nice lazy weather (suggested by doc!)

I was thinking of migrating to another address.. and do up the labelling nicely.

At the rate things are going, i hope this post will not be followed by a long hiatus and then an announcement of the arrival of ... . I dont mind the arrival part.. the sooner the better actually. But i thought i'd organise things here a little, as a welcoming gesture.. :)

Countdown to little adik - Week 36

2009-03-04T23:32:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

I'm glad I can start this post with a happier note now. It was a good day.

Papa and I went for my 36th week check up today. Doc said baby is not that big, which he also said is a good thing. Head already engaged in position and the amniotic fluid surrounding her has diminish a little, a normal sign that she's ready to see us soon. Her heartbeat is strong and the umbilical cord is in good position. He also ran a few test to see if i'm well nourished (isnt it obvious??) and concluded that everything is ok so much so that we would only need to see him after the next 3 weeks (no need for that weekly thingy and let things progress on its own), that is if we dont see him in the ward earlier. He also reminded us to go to the hospital as soon as I start feeling the pain, since No 2 usually doesnt delay. Heh.. that's a relieve yet at the same time nervewrecking!

With the good news, we then proceeded to MidValley/The Gardens as planned. It was a date. We planned to watch a movie and then have a good quiet dinner. But not before some serious shopping..hehe. Today, I almost completed the shopping list. And the good thing is all the stuff that i wanted was on sale.. (some for further discount!) So I went crazy on pink stuff. pink blanket, pink hooded towel, pink cot sheet, pink rompers...finally sorted out all your stuff and noticed that mostly is either too worn out or too boyish for her to wear/use. This made me realised that I dont shop that much or unnecessarily and would really lenjan the stuff to its worth. On the other hand, Papa was also happy with his very rare purchase of some apparels.

Wanted to buy this cos it makes me look so pregnant instead of 'suspiciously pregnant or veryfat??' - but the vneck plunge till no end :p ( It's veryvery hard to find pregnancy clothes in my size, I liked this so much that i just got to do one of these self photography thingy as a keepsake!)

This week, i'm beginning to feel random sharp pain whenever I walk. Sometimes it comes as a sudden shocks, enough to make ppl around me realised that I was in pain. It happened several time just now (although not enough to come in between me and those bargains!) Sleeping is not comfortable, regardless of the position. And when i do get in the most tolerable sleeping position, it's time to hit the toilet again. My backache is also getting more serious which is bound to happen la now that i've gained full 10 kg. Unlike earlier last month, I have not been experiencing leg cramps in the middle of the nite anymore. But my toes have started to swell whenever i sit or stand for too long. Which is ok la comparative to the ever kembang feet i got when i was pregnant with you. And since this is nearing the end, i think i might also skipped the karpel tunnel thingy (the irritating pain in the wrist) that i suffered when i was pregnant with you.

Anyway, we decided to skip movie and have dinner at Tony Roma's since i've been craving for its ribs. Over the ribs and steak dinner, we reflected on how lucky we are to be able to afford this kind of lifestyle. Prenatal check up during office hour, no queue watsoever. Shopping on weekdays away from the weekend crowds. Expensive dinner when our hearts desire. All this while having peace of mind that you are being taken care of by the most trustworthy ppl, who love you as much as we do (and do not charge overtime for those extended extra hours!) Then we ponder on little adik's name again. And also where our money had gone to if we did not shop as much or as often as we thought we did. :p

Quite taken by the new hooded towel, meant for adik but Pooh got to officiate it and you just wouldnt let go of the new Bebeh!

It's a good day indeed. And we're still pondering..

Lost it

2009-03-02T12:53:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

I'm at Tok Ma's house today, trying to complete the backlogs before my maternity leave. Really not in mood go to office and climb those stairs.. penat. Afterall all i need is my handphone, laptop and internet to get going.

Am feeling really down and upset at the moment. Never felt this overpowering hormonal thingy ever since the start of this pregnancy..or even in previous pregnancy. Hari ni rasa nak marah je. I dunno wat sparked it. I sleep well last nite. Had a wonderful weekend, tiring maybe, but enjoyable nonetheless. Went to Yazid's 2nd bday party (had my fix of nasi dagang tganu) and on Sunday we attended Papa's college reunion brunch which was also cool. Did lots of shopping in the span of the last 3 days, for little adik and ME.. something i've never done since ages. Really, i cant remember the last time i bought anything desirable for me (except for those time that it's a necessity, like a spoilt handphone, new undies.. etc)

This morning, you were extra clingy and cried a few rounds while asking me to carry you. And within minutes, i lost control and shouted like a madwoman. Not towards you but just a loud wail, like a madwoman. I came back to my senses when kakak came and nicely coaxed you to go feed the fish with her. And here i am now, feeling bllerrgghh! (i dont even have a word for it)

What's wrong with me? I had an easy pregnancy - comparatively speaking. And there's you, the ever obedient boy except on some rare days. My work is veryvery flexible and on really bad days, i can just delegate everything and sleep if i wanted to. So why am i feeling down like this? Maybe cos when you cried this morning and asked me to carry you, i cant. I really cant cos it's just impossible now. Sighh..

Little adik, i hope i'll see you as soon as it is safe.. which is next week, the 37th week. I dont think it's conducive to stay inside there anymore, cos i may be passing this negative feeling to you. I hope you'll come out a happy n content baby, just like your brother. I'll see you soon girl. And Amir, sorry that you have to see that ugly (and emberassing) side of me just now. It wasnt either one of u.. it's just me.. and my hormones.

25 random things about me

2009-02-26T22:57:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

Just wanna share with you what i had posted on my facebook recently since i reckon that it'll be highly unlikely that facebook will be around till you are old enough to know how to use it, but if it does stay around that long, it'll be supercool cos i can add you as my friend, though i doubt it will be cool for you to have your mum in your facebook circle. And even if facebook is still around then, i doubt it's for free, and it's almost definite that i wont be paying to sustain my account there, so i guess no access to this oh-so-important piece of info about ME!

Aaaaaanyway, here goes, 25 random facts about your mom.

1. I like the colour yellow. I dont necessarily like wearing it or using it. But it’s so me

2. I nearly fell to death during a hike in outward bound school. Was clinging for dear life on a huge rock next to a deep ravine. It was movielike suspense (at least to me) and I will never forget the look on Ben’s and Lish’s face seeing me in that position

3. I dont deal well with death. I dont know how to express condolences. I dont know how to extend my sympathy to a friend who have lost someone. It’s not that I dont care but I’m just numb (or dumb?) when it comes to this subject

4. I (hubby n me actually) planned to have five kids before i turned 35. I know, we’re really bad at maths.

5. I am a narcissist.

6. I have tried to lose weight using so many ways or products and succeed at some but mostly fail miserably la. I guess I just dont really want it bad enough. Hahah.. excuses

7. I met my husband through the internet.

8. I believe i’m a true blue Libran

9. I can speak bilingual Kelantanese very well ie Kelantan slang + English. I consider that a talent.

10. I’m adventurous when it comes to food. But that comes with a cost. Have eaten Nelson ice cream that taste like kodomo lion toothpaste, simply because i want to try a non-conventional combination

11. I’m enterpreneurial and I believe i’m capable of great things. But i’m also lazy. So that makes me a Mat Jenin.

12. I like my hair short, but a certain someone prefer it long even though it’s always in a boring ponytail. Since i dont stare at myself in the mirror much, it’s better to make someone else happyla pulak

13. I used to jokingly claim to be quarter italian (among my close friends). I sort of stop after my friend told my Italian housemate about it and she starts to seriously ask question about my origin trying to figure if i’m for real!

14. The only italian thing about me is the fact that i like italian food. The cheese, tomato, basil and all. But then again I also like Japanese food, Kelantanese food, Thai..etc

15. I used to really hate this one particular ex boss of mine.. jeng jeng jeng. But now i realised he/she thought me a lot simply by him/her being incompetent and unbelievably impossible.

16. I’m bad at birthdays, names, titles and lyrics. But i do remember lyrics of the weirdest or funniest song. One example is a Ramlah Ram’s dangdut number..told you i’m bad at titles.. but i swear i remember the lyric line by line, including the lenggok2..muahaha

17. I married my first love. : )

18. I’m fairly good at sports. Not great but okla, and i enjoy most sports anyway. Except badminton – i’m totally hopeless at it, witnessed by a hall full of ppl.

19. I dont remember my childhood much. But it was a happy one, that’s for sure.

20. My dream ‘career’ would be to become a grocer selling Asian stuff in Brisbane. Or run an Asian food restaurant in Brisbane

21. I dont use any facial cleanser, toner or moisturiser. I believe in self cleansing sebum.

22. I’m lazy at making new friends and make little effort at catching up with old ones so those who are STILL my friends are definitely true friends indeed.

23. I can fall asleep almost anywhere n anytime, when i feel like it. But I cant sleep in a flight (maybe cos it's economy class kot)

24. I heart Matt Damon... way before he became one of the sexiest man alive. I dont think he's good looking but he makes me blush ; )

25. Sometimes, I forget that my son is mine and thought of him as my baby brother instead.

End of my narcisistic, short cut post!

Countdown to Adik - 33 weeks

2009-02-17T14:14:00.006+08:00

Dear Amir,

During our last visit to your paed, I had my second thorough scan. Adik is a girl, still. Doc pointed out her clearly defined parts and confirmed once again that we're expecting a girl. She's healthy though slightly small for her age, the amniotic fluid surrounding her is sufficient and she's already in position to launch downsouth.. hehe. Good girl! Oh, we also saw her pout.. very obvious! If she enherits papa's eyes and have straight fine hair, she'll definitely be the girl version of you now. Somehow i hope she gets your cousins cool curls, though Papa warned that it'll be big n frizzy once she grew up. Aaaanyway, alhamdulillah, all is ok.

Lately, i've been finding myself busy with all sorts of things. I realised that it'll be another few weeks before i'll be a mother of two. Arkk! There's so many things to do and i think i'm behind schedule. We havent bought her a single thing except for 3 pair of pink mittens! Actually there's not much to buy anyway cos most of your clothes/stuff are still in good condition. I have asked kakak to wash n organise all you old clothes, but i havent managed to sort them out and figure out what we are lacking of.

We still havent bought the playpen/cot for tok Ma's house. Papa said it'll be redundant. I hope it'll not be the case. When you were small and immobile, tok ma would lug you around and place you wherever suitable, the moses basket (Che' Su's), the bouncy chair, or simply on your mattress on the floor. The only precaution we need to have was to lock Boy in his cage. Now, i dont think we have that flexibility anymore.. since we have a very curious toddler who is veryvery interested in a baby. So there, i've stated my case.

Am also looking but (havent decided) for a sling/pouch/any sort of babycarrier to wear adik. Papa is again not that enthusiastic cos we never carry you this way anyway. But i learnt my lesson. Once you are smart enough to refuse your strollers, it's always ME who had to carry you around. While Papa does his part once in a while, somehow he does not have the endurance (i'm being nice) to carry you for an extended durationla, i mean comparative to me, or tok ma. Heh! So again, this is my decision because i will be affected by it most of the time.

Then, there's the breastfeeding gadgets. The whole spectrum of it. Then it's just as easy as bottles, teats, bottle brush and formula. I do have a manual pump but after going through forums/websites, it seems that i may need to upgrade to an advance version of pump due to 1. lack of milk supply and 2. inverted nip. I'll play the wait game on this one and see if these will still be the case when she arrives. Else, we're talking about another pump, an electric one, the storage bottles/plastics, breast pad, nip cream, milk-enhancing supplement, nursing wear (God knows how difficult it is to find a normal bra my size, now need to look for the selak2 one some more??).

Which brought us to a whole new level of discussion last nite - we may need a bigger fridge, cos ours is soooo kecik as it is now, wat with frozen milk supply later.

Papa is very lukewarm about the whole prep thingy i guess cos we're low on cash at the moment..haha. I was in fact thinking of doing up a baby gift register thingy so that we get exactly wat we want and make everyone happy.. haha.. yeah right. I'm not concerned about this whole purchases, kalau ada rezeki, adala.. afterall we can always sell off Papa's sweetheart, ie the bike. That can easily buy us all of the above ; )

Aaaanyway, i also just realised that our co's acc period ends in May, which means that by the time i got back from maternity leave, i'll be bogged down with acc preparation/organisation for the audit. So, instead of going through that last minute like we always do, i'm starting to organise everything now. Hopefully things will be better this year with all the new system that i introduced. Else buat dek jelah when tok pa nag later. Also, we have an important project to deliver by early April.. no, not adik.. Was solely involved in it from the start, so now preparing to handover that too.

Oh, i dunno if this is part of nesting, i'm also reorganising some of our filing at the office. Preparing to back up everything and keep as reference, maybe for me during my maternity nanti. I remembered being so carefree during your time, i've just had a baby, do not disturb for 60 days, and off me go. It's hard to do that this time. Was just finished with archiving 8 years worth of digital photos...personal/work. Next is to finally choose the wedding pics to reprint as customised album (yes, wedding pics!). Am also clearing off the Totshop old stocks and preparing for a revamp after my maternity leave. I think I want to restock and introduce more stuff later, perhaps with a different focus. And this blog, i think it need another facelift. Maybe to move it to a new home altogether?

Wah. Gila la.. now i feel like the new year has started. I hope this year will be a productive year. I'm actually anxious. Suddenly i can clearly remember how painful it was. I think knowing what i'll face soon does not really mean that i'll be better prepared. Lagi takut adala..Ignorance is bliss indeed. I hope all these activities will keep my mind off it though.

Oh, by the way.. you can call 'my tummy' ADIK now. And we never thought you that.. i dunno how your brain works and is able to connect that baby in tummy = adik. You really amaze me. Everyday.

Bebeh!

Sayang bebeh.. mmmmmaah!

18 mths and counting

2009-02-11T22:07:00.002+08:00

Dear Amir,

Last week, we went for your 18th mth check up, and the last compulsory jab. Alhamdulillah, doc said you're progressing very well physically (weight 13.8kg, height 80cm) and has nothing to be worried about although you look heavy and rounded.. hehe. You also spot a big hairdo these days cos your hair now has a life of its own ever since we cut it short the other day. I think i'll just let it lose for a whilela till i decide if to cut it or not :P

This month, you showed a noticeable progress in your vocab and pronounciation. It happened overnite.. and some of these words are random words that you chose to pick up just because you like them i guess, cos we dont use them quite often. Some of the cuter ones are

Amir : Mmmmm-may

Alamak : amakk..
Aiyoyo : yoyo..
Ya Allah : aaa-woh
Susu : u-uh
air : ayie
takde : takdeeee
no more : emm-more
yeh : yeay
cho : tow
abe : bey (you decide 'abe' is easier compared to 'uncle wan')
playground : ayy-yaun
yeay yeay : waeyy
car : kha
lorry : loghi/loyi
monkey : ka-kih
dukung : ku-kong
wait : weee

You've also turned into a papa's boy lately. Since we wean you off our bed, Papa has been attending to your every needs and whine at nite (feeding, scratch your back, tuck you in, take off the blanket, find your puting etc) cos it'll take me forever to pick myself up from the bed. Sometimes, Papa end up sleeping on the floor by your side cos he just could be bothered to return to bed since you will call out for him 4-5 times a nite. This new routine made you two closer. So nowadays, whenever you are sleepy, you'll call for 'Baba/Papa' and pat your pillow asking him to sleep by your side. When he went away, you'll notice and call for him non stop. When he returns, you'll glow and shout 'Baba/Papa'! Last weekend, we were away for a break and you slept with Tok Ma but woke her up few times asking to go to 'Baba'.

I'm so blessed to have your Papa doing this for us especially when I really2 need my undisturbed sleep now. Sometimes i feel bad because i know he is one person who treasure his sleep veryvery much (we're the same kind you see). He never complained. Of course, the idealist in me would want him to do so much more especially in taking care of you :P. But i also realise that he has done a lot for both of us and is really doing all he can to take over more responsibility in preparation for little adik soon.

Speaking of adik, you have lately grew fonder of little babies. You are so into babies that you'll attempt to kiss, nuzzle or will simply coo at the baby when you see one. In fact you have now developed the cheekiness to immitate them. Asking me to swaddle you in blanket, and pat you to sleep while you immitate a baby crying. I guess I wont have any problem with sibling jealousy, at least not these early few months. Finger crossed. Oh yeah, that reminds me that you are capable of jealousy. You wont mind me carrying another kid/baby, you dont mind other kid taking away your toy but once you see me snuggling with Papa, or hugging Che' Su, or lying next to your uncles, you will retaliate and start to throw tantrums.

Oh well, I guess that's a good development in a way huh? Anyway, here's hoping that both you and Papa will adjust smoothly once adik arrives. I know you two have been making lots of progress towards that. And for that (and manymany more things), I love you both so veryvery much. Happy 18 mths Amir and thank you for the amazing 18mths journey of parenthood together sayang. ; )

The curious case of Benjamin Button - version Amir (i dare say the cuter one)

Us on CNY 2009

2009-01-30T00:33:00.008+08:00

Dear Amir,

Last CNY, Tok, An and Mak Su came over for Pak Chik's engagement. As usual, when they are here, we camp ourself at Mak Long for a little gathering and catching up. Anyway, we've been visiting Mak Long a lot lately since we're preparing for two weddings this year (Pak Chik's and Pak Ngah's). So now you're a lot closer to your cousins. And they like it when you came over too.

The engagement was in Melaka on CNY itself. It took us almost 4 hours to reach Melaka from Puchong due to heavy traffic.. man.. penat gila. And at Pak Chik's fiance's house (Aunty Atikah), i almost broke my back having to sit on the floor with you and my bulging tummy on my lap. Nasib baik the 'discussion' didnt take long. You were not comfortable with the huge crowd so decided to cling to (/climb all over) me all the while. When it was makan time, you had your fair share, in fact when everyone was done, and i was washing my hand, you crawl to the rice bowl and helped yourself to more. Haha.. hilarious. And that was not it, you then insisted to have some grapes from the bakul hantaran. The journey back was another pain in the backlah. It took us 4 hours back too due to heavy rain. And on top of that you decided not to sleep and refuse the carseat with all your might. By the time we reach home, i was as good as a dead meat. Terus kong with a severe back pain.. lucky Papa was ever generous with his back massage, although he is also knackered by the unexpected long drive.

The next day was a leisurely day for us with Tok, An, Mak Su and Pak Ngah joining for dinner. They left for Alor Setar the next morning, perhaps only returning for the wedding early May, which i might not be able to join given that i'm still in confinement then.. dunnolah, we'll see. By the way, i made the bunga2 and deco for dulang hantarans for the engagement. It was nothing fancy, simple, just the way i like it. As much as i enjoy these kinds stuff, I dont think i'd be able to help much for the wedding later though.

Anyway, after they left, we went to Tok Ma to melepaskan rindu since Tok Ma, Tok Pa and Che Su were away the entire weekend for my cousin's engagement in kota bharu. It was scorching hot although we were there quite early. So Uncle Cho treated you to a round of carwash fun. I'll let the pics do the talking..

By the way, Uncle Yeh is back! It took you a while to warm up but soon after you're jumping around playing ball with him..

Now that he is back, i think everything is more or less on track for tok Ma and the family to plan..Yes, we're talking about more weddings in the pipeline..insyaAllah..

I dunnolah wat got into your unclessss, semua mcm berebut nak kawin this year : )

And your pregnant mom speaks

2009-01-21T22:06:00.002+08:00

Dear Amir,

Both of us are having blocked nose at the moment. Tok Ma is even worse, she cant get up and her blood pressure is on the rise again. Today, you vomitted trice, each time after taking your milk. Doc asked us to have a good rest. I think that's wat all of us need, your tok ma especially. Luckily you 'obey' and slept early today (you've been sleeping at 11pm since last week), allowing me some extra me-time.

So now i feel like ranting. Things at home are pretty normal except for the fact that we have weaned you off our bed.. hopefully permanently. As my tummy is getting bigger and moving from side to side while sleeping is becoming a big task now, we decided that I dont need an extra challenge in the form of you sleeping on my tummy, kicking it or simply commanding more space than that occupied by an obese pregnant lady. Anyway, what we did was to spread few layers of duvet across the floor in our bedroom and scattered it with your favourite sleeping aids, including Pooh and my aussino body pillow which was a saviour during pregnancy.. but nevermind that! So what we have now is every inch of our king size bed and a lot more peaceful sleep. In fact you have been sleeping more soundly too cos you can 'roam' more freely now. Anyway, thanks to Papa who made this work by waking up for your nite feeds and settle you back in when you wake up since i've become very immobile once i hit the sack lately.

Anyway, like i said, i'm becoming 'more pregnant' now, if there's such an expression. I'm forever panting, starting to waddle a bit and my tummy.. my! they're huge and so round this time. Che' Su said that i actually look pregnant this time. Siot je.

We have picked up a name for your little sis. Finally a name that both Papa and me agree on. Well, little adik better be a girl now cos we went through a lot for that name.. heheh.. and yes, i admit, i've fallen in love with the pink section of the baby/kids department. Anyway, we'll get a second confirmation early next mth when i go for my 32nd week check up (wow.. so fast!)

Bed- cleared, Name-settled.

As for clothings, i have managed to resist the temptation and hasnt spent on anything yet. Afterall tok ma brought her (yes, very gender specific items/colours) quite a number of things on her holidays last month. All i need to do now is go through your clothes and separate it according to sizes for kakak to wash again. As for other stuff, i think we have pretty much everything already. I'm thinking of a playpen, the two level kind, to place at tok ma's house. That way we dont have to move the cot back n forth from tok ma's to our house and it will be a safe place for her, you know, away from curious and very involved elder brother, for instance.

I'm also thinking to 'wear' little adik later. Been doing some reading on babywearing. Tempted to order some stuff already but perhaps wait till she arrivelah.

One issue that is always on my mind now is breastfeeding. I'm definitely going to give it a go again this time. I think it'll be much better this second time around. Maybe cos the anxiety is not as great kot. I mean even if I cant, i can say that i'm prepared for that too. This time i'm going to try harder. Am thinking of investing in a good electric pump. Maybe that will help. But like other things, i think i can wait and we see how it goes laterlah. When it was during your time, i can almost say i dont have much milk. I never experience engorgement. I take half hour to pump a sheer 1 oz. 1 oz! When i shifted to use the Medela pump, i can produce 3 oz per pump. But by this time you have doubled your intake already..sighh..My breast never felt hard n heavy.. biasa je. Pump ke tak pump sama je. I tried 2 types of pump, tok ma taught me the old fashion manual way, but most of the time i try, all that i can see is only few sad droplets trickling down. Let down? Almost never. The only time i can positively see/feel letdowns are during hot shower. But as soon as i step out and reach out for the pump.. dah, gone.

Anyway, i've been reading up, watching videos, visiting forums. Trying to have a new start at this. Trying to be positive while not trying to be too hopefull.. else anxiety and same old story again. Anyway, if i do succeed this time, i wonder how would that make you feel. How would you react looking at the little one clinging and sucking away. You're always fond of err my equipment there, but i think seeing little adik feeding from it must be a weird thing for you kan? Wow.. i cant wait to find out. I mean it will be so weird, perhaps funny, maybe even pitiful for you.

Going into my 8th month now, i guess i can shed some insight on being pregnant second time around, with you hardly reaching 2. It's all true wat they say in the magazine. It is taxing physically. No matter how heavy and tired i feel, when you cry and want no one else but me, i guess i just have to give in and pick you up. Some ppl frown in disapprovement, some in amazement when i still can carry (13.5kg) you at this state i am. I guess it's God's gift to every mother. I cant imagine doing that when i was pregnant with you. But now, it doesnt seem like such a big deal and somehow i will find that extra energy somewhere to mother you even in this condition.

It's also true when they say that mothers are more relax second time around. Yeah, i dont fret over every single thing in this pregnancy. I normally forgot that i'm pregnant half of the time. But now that adik's kicking hard, it's hard not to remember. I guess that's why it's actually not a big deal to have kids with small age gaps. Because you're not a big worry wart anymore (relatively at least). And i strongly believe that mothers are natural multitasker anyway. So having you to take care while having to take care of myself is not like something that I need to sit down and strategize on daily basis. It's very natural.

I often heard mothers say that they want kids far apart so that they can concentrate on each one of them more. Some first time mothers even say that they dont know how it's possible to love more than one kid now that they have the whole world embodied in that one little baby. Well, adik may not be here yet but i can somehow understand this now. It's possible. Whenever i stroke my tummy and talk to her, i feel overwhelmed with love.. a familiar feeling, same feeling i had when we had our conversation before we even met then. But that doesnt mean i love you less at that instance. In fact, when you do join in, it's even better. I'm no good with wordsla when it comes to this but all i can say is that being pregnant with adik hasnt change a single thing about the way i feel for you. And similarly, having you and watching you grow every day doesnt mean that it's harder for me to identify with adik and love her the same way i love you. It's ridiculous! There's no such thing as dividing love watsoever, for me, the feeling just multiply! Well, maybe it gets a little tricky when she arrive and we're talking about attention la.. but as far as i know, i love you both dearly, no doubt about that.

So any regrets so far. No lah. No regret. I think it's a good decision that we have taken, to become pregnant again now. The downsides are there, but very little. 1. I dont get to participate in your active games anymore.. when coincidently you're at the climbing, jumping, wrestling and chasing stage. 2. We have to let go many opportunities for family vacations. Now that you prefer to walk, it's a good time to go on more trips, but now my heavyself pulak not comfy for long trips. When adik arrives, it'll be another good few mths till we can go on holidays without much restriction. But this is feel is up to us la.. where there's a will, there's a way. 3. Sleepless nites, you still wake up for nite feed, even if you dont, i will still need to wake up for my toilet trips, by the time it's over, adik will be waking up for nite feeds and this vicious cycle goes on...

Oh well.. enough rant for tonite.

Somehow i feel really good. Talk about therapeutic blogging..haha

A little promo from the quiet corner

2009-01-16T00:31:00.002+08:00

TheTotshop will be joining MiaandMika at the PickNGrab Part 2 flea market

this Saturday, 17th Jan 2009 (10am-5pm)

@ Hartamas Square (map)

Many great bargain for your tots and pstt... Mia&Mika is offering further price reduction for selected ladies items too!

Grieving Gaza

2009-01-13T22:16:00.002+08:00

Dear Amir,

There's a terrible masacre happening in Gaza now. It started a few weeks ago and to date it has taken way too many lives, mostly of innocent children, women and the elderlies.

While i'm not a mean person, I try to ignore this subject as much as possible. I dont like discussing it, i just hate to deal with it. I'm just that kind of person. I dont deal well with death. I dont deal well with losing. I dont know how to grief. Nowadays, I dont even watch the news anymore. I skipped the first few pages of the newspaper in the morning simply because i dont think i'm fit enough to handle it. I saw the pic of a father crying over his three lifeless children the other day and the day after i saw a pic of a bloody dead toddler buried in rubbles. I thought that was enough, at least enough graphic to haunt me forever. And i just cant afford to be depress now.

I may be selfish this way. I may even be mean for conciously trying to ignore this. And this post may even sounds as if i'm trying to justify my behaviour towards this issue. I dont care. All i care now is that this has to stop.

Let us all pray that this'll end soon. May Allah bless the Palestinians, alive and otherwise. Amin.

17 months and counting

2009-01-11T23:27:00.009+08:00

Dear Amir

I know this is long overdue but I could not bare thinking that i'm going to miss another note about your monthly milestone. So i'm going to be practical about this and just jot them as simply as I could

Can

pronounce 'kakak'perfectly
throw rubbish into the wastebasket when asked to
pick up the remote control/handphone/newspaper when asked to
sleep on your own when given your fav pillow, a bottle of warm milk and Pooh
go down the slide without much assistance
get along with your cousins & second cousins - mostly older than you
feed on your own using utensils - this with some help la

With Abg Harris & Abg Rahim

Fruits for supper

Know

the way to Tok Ma/our house from the traffic light in between the two housing areas
which car belongs to who (Papa, Tok Pa, Uncle Cho, Uncle Wan, Tok Ma..)
to point to your diapers and say 'Ak!' when you're done with your big business
it's mealtime when i lay the table and you'll start shouting for your Papa to come and eat
to wipe your hands and mouth dry after washing them
how to 'pray'.. kind of

sharing your food with our cat,Boy
babies and immitating them crying
food, all sort, anytime, anywhere
clinging on to us and buat malu2 kucing around strangers
shouting your lungs out when you're in goodmood
watching videos of yourself on my handphone

"Baby cry macam mana Mir??"

Hate

to brush your teeth
when Tok Ma / me talks on the phone and ignore you
birthday song and the huha during bday celebration (still!)

Hiding away from all the chaos (and the song)

I hope that'll serve as a good enough reminder of how you are at 17 months. Oh by the way, you've grown to a solid 13.5kg now. Yes, even your stroller is screeching now. You've also grown your first two molar teeth and added a couple more incissor. Hairwise, we're eagerly waiting for your infamous jambul to sprout again. But i kinda like this 'Romeo Beckham' look (not Mawi ye..please..)

End of this month, we'll be going for your last scheduled jab. It feels like you're graduating to become a proper toddler now, despite the fact that you are already wearing size 3t now.

Oh well.. as long as your healthy n happy. Happy 17th mth little abang!

Welcome 2009

2008-12-31T23:15:00.001+08:00

Dear Amir,

It's 2009 tomorrow.

Were having neighbourhood bbq tonight, just like last year.

Only thing is it's only starting now and i'm already sleepy n hungry.

And we've been delaying your bedtime tonight so that you can join the other kids running around the playground, but you didnt nap at all today soo.. you're already fast asleep now..

Hmpphh...

Looks like i'll just ask Papa to arrange a takeaway for me and i think i'll just be an antisocial for today. Dont feel like socialising when i'm hungry n sleepy like this.

Anyway, most of the ladies are not out yet too.. probably because quite a handful of them are in the first trimester of their pregnancy.. yeah, the neighbourhood has been hit by a babywave.. talk about a productive year ahead!

Oh well, Happy New Year dear. Hope next year will be a grrreat one for our family. InsyaAllah..

Happy New Year everyone.. hope you have a blessed one too!

Hellow 2009!

Holiday randomness

2008-12-28T10:41:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir,

Today is lazing around day.

You are wrestling Papa on the bed. Occasionally, both of you give me mild heart attack for rolling to near to the edge. When I shout in shock like a madwoman, you break into giggles and attempt to do it again.

So that's today. Papa bought some DVD, mostly silly movies. We planned for movie marathon later. Maybe after seafood lunch with Aunty Hetz n gang. Also in the mood for baking. Baked orange butter cake for Uncle Syam's hse warming yesterday. It was a hit with Tok Ma. She asked me to bake it again. I'm out f orange. Perhaps lemon butter cake la since i still have some lemons left.

Since yesterday, little adik has been doing all sorts of stunt from the inside. My tummy is constantly on tremor. This mini belly earthquake has forced me to go to toilet almost a dozen of times already, today. Also, i've noticed that i'm starting to pant now. Out of breath even by doing the simplest of things. And i've been sweating like a menopausal lady. Which put me off cooking a bit cos it's way too hot in the kitchen. By the way, i think we may have found a name for her. Which i have thought you to pronounce.

You just knocked on Papa's head with you milk bottle. Now picking his nose and poking at his eyes. I can just sit here and watch you guys forever. It's too hazardous to join now that i have to include this wriggling adik too. Jealousnya!

Anyway, some random photos.. taken within the last 2 months.

Trying out Che's Su's new swimsuit. Me n Che' Su went crazy laughing over this. Later, we were nicely scolded by Tok Pa - ok, no more girl clothing

Fav toy - Papa got you a mock up hphone. One that looks exactly like ours yet just for display

Your second movie - Madagascar2. Like the first time, Aunty Syude & Uncle Irwan joined this time. Like last time, you slept after 15 mins munching on popcorn. And oh.. Aunty Syude gave birth a few days after...

In the office, enjoying MSG-laced snacks

The highlight of our very rare visit to Alamanda

On Raya Haji - tired after following Papa to witness the slaughtering.

Your new 2009 rockstar haircut. Havent uploaded more clearer pics. Has grown longer now anyway. Made you look more like Papa, and in fact fuller and naughtier!

2008 blessings

2008-12-25T18:43:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

Tok Ma n Tok Pa came back from Aussie after 2 weeks of holidays (too much la this ppl!). Tok and An also left after 2 weeks in KL organising wedding stuff n wat nots. Everything is returning to routine. Today Tok Ma n Tok Pa took you and kakak to Seremban to visit my cousins. After 2 weeks of hectic schedule, Papa and I decided to have a laid back day so we are not joining.

So it's just the two of us now, having some quiet time alone in the emptiest Starbucks we can find, with internet and nothing else on our mind. It's a bit awkward cos we kinda forget how to spend time alone, without you around. But i can surely get use to this!

It's year end. Meaning it's reflection time for most (bloggers at least!). And i'm no exception. I was browsing few blogs, revisited some of the scribblings in my planner, cleaning up my email box... this year was definitely a GREAT year!

This year, i quit my job at the conglomerate who paid for major part of my education, endowed me with exposure locally n internationally, introduced me to wonderful friends that i wish to keep for life. Although it was liberating, i found myself in a bit of a struggle at first. Second guessing myself if i made the right decision. Whenever i hear a friend talking about business trips abroad, challenging projects, office gossips, it bites me a little. The things i forgo when i took this road. Looking back, i can definitely say i've no regrets. I love what i do now. I love the people i'm working with now (like duhh!). Although i dont necessarily gain so much more financially, unlike popular belief, (Tok Ma, Tok Pa, *hint *hint) i can confidently say that our quality of life has tremendously change. And that is worth so much more.

This year also saw you evolving from a baby to a healthy toddler without much hickups along the way. From a wriggly little thing who only knows to smile n chuckle, you're now a 'grown' soon-to-be abang with a mind of your own. Earlier today, when Tok Pa drove away with you in tow, we suddenly realised how noticeably empty our house felt without you around. Which means Mister, that you are now an individual so full of life, alhamdulillah.

This year, just after your first birthday, we received a great, great news that we're gonna welcome another family member next year. Little adik will be due early April, and so far, just like my pregnancy with you, things couldnt be better. Well, except that i've to start wearing my maternity clothes much faster, hence i need more to go about ! ; )

This year, I was hoping to tag along to Brisbane but we didnt manage too. We wanted to grab that free tix to Phuket recently and again, didnt manage too. But earlier this yr, we have enjoyed a memorable trip with the whole lot, Tok Ma, Tok Pa, your uncles n aunties in Pangkor. I know we have to dream big to achieve great things. But at times like this i prefer to look at the less fortunate and count my blessings that at least, we are still able to go on holidays with loved ones, a luxury to many. And for that i' m grateful. In fact, Papa and I also managed to squeeze some time to Jakarta/Bandung alone, in the name of work (hahaha..). So, we actually had our doze of oversea trip, i shouldnt be complaining.

Waa.. talk about reflection huh?

I think i better sign off, cos the original idea was to put our minds together to search for little adik's name.. without disturbance : )

Starbucks toffee nut latte is so sedap by the way. Maybe cos i've been deprived of coffee for a long time. Maybe sbb memang sedap that i feel like getting a second mug! Oh well, can wait till you come back later!

Child labour

2008-12-12T16:08:00.008+08:00

Dear Amir,

I've mentioned here before that you're such a helpful little fella. You still give me that daily foot massage, nevermind that it only last two seconds or three.. but the fact that you'll come to me obediently when i asked you to massage my aching feet, simply is heart warming.. sejuk perut.

I still havent managed to snap a photo of you doing that tho, cos y'know it last 2, 3 secs max now anyway.. and i'd rather relax n indulge, while the 2-3 seconds lasts.. : )

What i havent mention is how helpful you've been with housework too. Thanks to Tok Ma, you've now pick up a thing or two about keeping things in place..

Dusting off Uncle Cho's tv

Berpeluh2 dan bertungkus lumus

I guess you're simply born an 'abang'. Which kinda help me feel a little bit more confident that things will be alright when adik arrives.

Playground

2008-12-03T12:45:00.010+08:00

Dear Amir,

It's the year end, again. As usual, time flies huh.

One morning, a couple of days ago, I was lying on bed, contemplating if i should get up (at all). You were already on your feet, ransacking the toybox, making a mess in the room. Then you came up to me and kiss me for no reason. It was one of those days when you decide to be generous with your affection. Suddenly i found myself calculating your age.. eh, 16 mth ke?? Then I nudge Papa to confirm my calculation. "Mana ada.. 15 bulan la.." Your papa answered confidently, half asleep. The i count aloud.. and true enough.. memang dah 16 months! Hmpph.. another month gone without me realising eh? wat else is new..

I guess i owe you one dude.. At the moment i cant pinpoint any particular stuff that u picked up in your 16th mth, cos there's just too many. Everyday you surprise us with a new random word. And you've also picked up a routine of certain things.. a convenience that we have somehow taken for granted. One thing for sure, your daily routine now will consist of playing at the playground, be it with Che' Su near Tok Ma's place, or with kakak in front of our house. Sometimes both, one after another. This is where you've learned to make new friends and share your stuff. I'll let the pics do the talking

Look kakak!

Trying hard to belong

We fork out extra for a unit right in front of the playground - this look on your face made it all worth it!

Girl.. a tall girl

2008-11-27T17:24:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir,

A week ago, we found out that little adik is a girl. A tall girl according to the doc. Alhamdulillah the scan shows that all limbs and organs are normal... within the estimated age of 20 weeks old baby, except for her exceptionally long legs..

Leggy girl this one is..

We are ecstatic. Not that we mind if this little lady turn out to be a boy upon arrival. But it's definitely nice to relate to little adik as being a girl (or a boy), you know wat i mean? Apa2pun, she's healthy. That's all that counts.

This is the little buddy that you kissed (from the outside) everyday

A 20 wks old baby with a 21 wks+ long legs

An escapade and a growth spurt

2008-11-17T21:24:00.004+08:00

Dear Amir,

Papa and I just got back from a short working weekend getaway in PD. We were helping a friend of me organising an event, for some extra bucks.. that i planned to spend on you, since we have to leave you behind with Tok Ma for the deal (can you sense the guilt already??) It was tiring. A lot of walking about, standing around. I'm still recovering and i guess this will take few more days. Even Papa kong-ed out. It's kinda weird cos I was eight mths preggy with you when I was organising a very much bigger international event, going through sleepless nights for at least 2 weeks, and yet i think i have more energy then! And i actually sat for an exam of 3 papers in the mid of the chaotic weeks (and, to my surprise, still, passed 2 of them!)

Well, i was telling Aunty Gja that i feel old simply due to this fact. But it's impossible la kan given that it was just slightly a year back.. hmm.. Anyway, it's also funny how history repeats itself, me, 5 mths with little adik now, going through another exam (yes, the paper that i failed and repeated again n again..this part not funny ek). Despite having to leave you behind and risking failing my paper again, i felt that it was a good trip. Managed to meet a lot of people (and business opportunities) and Papa and me got to spend some quality time alone chatting into late nights (just like masa bercinta gayut2 kat telefon dulu!).

As soon as we got back, i weighed myself and was shocked to see that I gained a full kilo just within a few days. I remember telling someone proudly just last week that I only gained 2 kg so far and since i've lost 5kg from the start, i still have lots of buffer kan? Well, sitting down to type this pun is getting very2 uncomfy for me now. Yes, little adik had a growth spurt over the weekend! How timely cos we're gonna see her/him soon, right after my exam tomorrow. Doc say we'll be able to know if it's gonna be blue or pink this time around. And unlike your case, I'm voting (or veto-ing) that we'll annouce the gender as soon as we know it. We've learned our lesson, and hopefully tokma/pa will be more generous with the prebaby gifts knowing wat colour to buy... wishful!

I think I havent been saying much about my pregnancy here, have i? Well, it's been good. No morning sickness. More or less like my first experience with you, which was all wonderful minus the millions toilet trips. With this one, everything is faster. My bumps started showing much faster. I can feel the kick much earlier. The toilet trips, it is already now at the rate of when i was carrying you in my 7th-8th mths. I havent experience the karpel tunnel thingy yet unlike when i was carrying you and i havent had that may leg cramps like before despite the fact that i now enjoy less frequent bedtime foot massage from Papa comparative to my first pregnancy. Hmm.. i guess that's oklah. Afterall i think i've learned to be less manja too. Afterall the pampering i get to de-stress now is in the form of a chuckling toddler, poking at my nostril and belly button, who by the way, have learned to give me a foot massage too, having watched Papa did it few times. But this champ has his own way of doign things, a much more professional way (sorry Pa!), almost spa like, complete with baby lotion smeared on my tired calves, in between my toes.. ohh.. how i love those tiny playful fingers. I wish i have a pic here to show how your face looks while doing it - in full concentration, pouty lips, tounge slightly sticking out, droopy cheeks n all.. ugly but adorable..haha

I really should be studying actually.

But thanks for the break!

p/s : Al Fatihah to arwah Mak Cik Som, my aunt who passed away last week. Hope she is in a better place now and semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya. It was my first time witnessing a jenazah, and the whole process of preparing for the funeral. It's a humbling experience, struck the very core of my being as a human, so I thought I just make a note of it here. Nothing in this world is permanent afterall.

15th months and counting

2008-11-05T22:04:00.004+08:00

Dear Amir,

There's so much I want to update but the lack of photo collection these days kinda put it off a little. Aaanyway, I wont hold it any longer and here goes, you in your 15th month.

Ever since Raya, you have started to gain weight abruptly, now standing at almost 12kg, a kg heavier than your weight during Raya. You normally take 7 bottles of 7oz milk per day now, and that means you're back to nite feeds which can be once or twice a nite. But that's Papa's job so i dont really mind.. heh! Foodwise, everything also can and everything also we give! Especially when you're with Tok Ma. spoilt spoilt spoilt.

You like to immitate ppl these days. You will try to say selective words that we utter and you will try to immitate sounds of the weirdest thing. Your favourite now is to immitate papa snoring when you wake up next to him every morning. Tok Ma said, over at her house, when you're doing something wrong and were told off, you'll do a low humming sound complete with a frown, immitating how Tok Pa normally scare/scold you. But of course, you wont do it when Tok Pa is around..tau takut! The other day, while walking about in Subang Parade, an old chinese man walk pass and wave to you. He had his hands crossed behind him and was slightly slouching forward. You looked at him, smiled then walked away with your hands crossed at the back, body slouched forward, exactly like him. It was hilarious and made me blush. Haha

Socially, I would expect you to become more apprehensive towards strangers now that you understand more. But noooo... you became more friendlylah these days, much to my worry, with all the horror happenings with little kids and strangers. Paranoid mom, i know. You get along well with kids at the playground. You dont mind sharing your toys. You like to smile and wave at strangers when we're out. You've also got along very well with 'kakak' and didnt fuss much when left alone to play with her while i do something else.

But of course, you've got your days and on those days that you decide to wake up a fussy boy you will do your best to make our life difficult. Especially insisting us to carry you everywhere.. Tok Ma usually fall victim to this cos she just hate to run around after you so she will just obey. You've also learned to try to delay your bedtime. You will normally jump around on the bed, take out all your toys and mess the room, provoke us to play chase etc. But of course it backfired cos it made you extra tired and made putting you to bed, when you decide to, normally just a little later anyway, a much easier job. Hah!

For some reason, we purposely started you off on Barney recently. But those blaring nursery rhymes and jovial kids dancing around is just not for youlah (yet.. i think). Instead you enjoy dancing to random music especially from tv commercials. And as narcisistic as it may sound, the only thing that you will sit still to watch is video clips of you on my handphone.. i bet my friends will tell me that you're trully a Mama's boy. Hey, wateva it is, there's no harm in loving yourself that much huh kid?

There's a whole lot of other development that i've noticed these days. One thing for sure, you're getting more active and noticeably smarter that it amazed me sometimes. I know it could be standard development milestone for toddlers your age but that doesnt stop me from feeling kembang and full of pride.

Anyway, a couple of nites ago, you were trying to climb on me as I was lying down. Something that is very normal (me - forever on my sedentary lazybum back, and you - forever trying to climb over stuff) So i thought i try to tell you about little adik. I rub my tummy and said "Baby sleeping, pity baby. Abang sayang baby". Then you start to gently stroke my tummy and plant a kiss there. I melt inside. You were such a darling and as i told you more about little adik, you listened attentively as if you understand. Then you lay your head on my tummy and nearly doze off there. Little adik also reacted by giving a little kick. Yes, I can feel little adik kick now, i think starting from last weekend. Quite fast this time around. Anyway, now, every nite, you will stroke my tummy and kiss it everytime i say "Sayang baby". One of my happiest moments these days..

Amir, you know it's getting harder for me to not think of what will be when adik arrives. But sometimes, all these development you showed gave me some confidence that things will just be alright and that you will be just a great brother as how you've been a great baby/toddler till now.

Wateva it is, we'll deal with it a day at a time huh? But for now, happy 15th months dear and mama loves you veryvery much!

My 15 mths old rockstar putting up a show for his obviously very amused mom!

(Guitar courtesy of Uncle Cho, thanks Cho!)

Growing up

2008-10-21T23:03:00.006+08:00

Dear Amir,

Lately i've noticed that you have grown so much in so many aspect. Two days ago, we were just lying in bed and I playfully asked where's your 'tangan', then you showed me your hand, 'kaki?, then you showed me your feet. I was so surprised and i asked Tok Ma if she teached you any of these. Tok Ma said you must have picked it up from our daily conversations cos she did not specifically teach you any of those. Today, I witnessed how you try to switch on the TV when Uncle Cho asked you to, and according to him he did not show you how.

Last weekend, we were in the car when i showed you a few busses that were passing us, then you go 'Baaa... baaa...' at every single big moving vehicle. Today, on the way to Tok Ma, i pointed to a lorry and said 'lorry' a few times. I noticed that you were paying very close attention to my mouth, and few lorries later, you went 'loll...lollo..loww..' Now that's fast!

You've also grown very keen to music. You like to dance to it, in your very own funny way.. almost like the Kiwi's haka steps. You will wiggle you arms, shake your head, stomp you feet when it's a fast number but will only sway your body left and right when it's a slow song.. hmm.. clever! You've also learned how to make the 'shame..shame..' gesture just by having us show you twice!

Looking all 'grown up' with your 'grown up' friends (Tok De Lah's clan)

Tok Ma said it's normal with kids your age, blink twice and you'll miss it. I guess i can say similar thing is happening to me, careerwise. Now that i'm handling things more or less on my own (with help of the awesome Aunty Gja n Aunty M), i realised that i'm unconsciously learning a lot of things at a mind numbing speed - about business, people and most important about myself. For some reason, i feel that i've grown as a person with this realisation. And i'm not talking about my expanding tummy!

In fact i feel 'older' la these past few days.. older in a very good way. How timely : )

We have a kakak now

2008-10-16T22:26:00.007+08:00

Dear Amir,

Three days ago, we fetched a pleasant surprise, in the form of 'kakak', our new helper. It was quite hilarious because we did not really expect that we would have a helper this soon. And we always thought that she would be stationed in Tok Ma's house cos there's nothing much to do around this house anyway (listen to me NOW!). But Tok Ma has other plans, so kakak is now a new occupant in this quiet house of ours. It kinda left us a bit err.. shocked.

Nonetheless, her existence definitely made my life easier although everything pertaining to you is still handled by me. Tonight I was able to cook dinner peacefully, with all the bawang already peeled and all, table laid out and not having to do dishes/clean the stove later on. I know it may not be a big deal. In fact, to some extent i feel that we are quite lavish to have a helper at this stage in our life. But then again, the main idea is that she'd be helping Tok Ma with you and some of her house chores so it made her almost a must even though Tok Ma said she is fine.

The funny thing about having kakak around is

1. I'm always nervous about what to ask her to do especially early in the morning, cos we wake up late, almost never have bfast at home and immediately rush to Tok Ma's when we are conscious enough to face the world

2. Papa keeps on worrying about giving her what she may lack, ie toiletteries, towel, food, a radio in the room perhaps, some mags/newspaper, a friendly conversation with me, food, some playtime with you, instruction about the alarm system in the house, cloth hanger, bedside lamp, alarm clock, food.. Today, I finally told him to relax.. cos he might be get a nervous breakdown if he keeps on like this.. haha

3. You became super excited and playful with us/her as if she is a guest and you need to charm her with all your might. You showed her your toys, played peek-a-boo, walk and run around the room then go back to watch her do her work, scream in excitement for no reason when she's around, run up to her and point towards her while looking at me and grin..

Tok Pa said, what's important is you are ok with her. Which is an understatement. You salam and kissed her hand on the first day, called her 'kakak' (no kidding!) by the next day and now you've became her shadow and have no problem when left alone with her.

I guess it's always easier for kids. As for me and Papa, the culture shock may take a while. Haha..

Hari Raya 2008

2008-10-08T22:14:00.011+08:00

And we're baaaack!

After 10 full days of Raya break. Sigh..

Dear Amir,

Where do i start? It was your second Raya this time. We went back to Alor Setar two days before Raya and the journey back home was really smooth as it was drizzling and you were asleep in your carseat most of the time.

You enjoyed being in Alor Setar mainly because you were the center of attention most of the times. Your uncles, Pak Cik, Pak Ngah and Pak Teh were all back from KL. You get along well with them. Your favourite being Pak Cik, i think cos he looks a lot like Papa. Mak Long arrived on 2nd day of Raya. It was indeed a full house and i bet your Tok and An shared your joy with all their presence.

With pakcik

Tok made ketupat daun palas, rendang daging and serunding, as usual. I made some rendang ayam to accompany the ketupat. I let you have a taste of the ketupat, and it became your favourite food for the rest of our stay there. Tok Nek on the other hand prepared her notorious nasi tomato. You had a taste of that too and was also into it.

On the first day of Raya, the three of us went green. hehe. It was your first baju melayu and you were one little dashing guy wearing it! We couldnt stop snapping pics of you! And the songkok, surprisingly, it doesnt bother you one bit. Of course it lasted only till noon cos by then you went cranky, had a cool shower, went topless and slept for 2 hours. I guess that's the only upset, the heat. Of course, the fact that aircondless environment really gets to you especially at nite that sometimes i let you sleep topless right smack facing the stand fan.

On second day, your cousins arrived from Taiping. You instantly clicked with them and became their shadow for the rest of the days. You were super hyper around them and insist to be part of their activities all the time. When they eat, you'll eat, when they bathe, you'll stand by the bathroom and watch, when they read, you'll sit next to them and listen, and when they really play with you.. you simply go crazy! You'd be screaming on top of your voice, clapping away, laughing when they laugh. The setback is that it makes you so tired at nite that it's difficult to put you to sleep. Plus the heat is not helping, although you were bathed again and again. So while your cousins were around, your bedtime went as crazy as 2am! It drives my ketupat-stuffed head crazy too!

Anyway, I guess the highlight of our Raya was eating non stop (isnt it always abt food anyway??) and playing tourist around Alor Setar. We were quite adventurous this time too and let you have a go at eveything we ate. Kuey teow iman, the popular keow teow by the roadside near Tok's place (which was enjoyed by you while seating on a stool, next to a makeshift stall, by the roadside, just like org besar-besar..hehe), laksa, nasi minyak at a kenduri, all the different kerepek and kuih raya and manymanymany other things.

Minus the binky, you look like all grown up waiting patiently for your kuey teow

A day before we left Alor Setar, Papa drove us around the town. We went to the Menara Alor Setar, Kuala Kedah, Pekan Rabu, etc. We also checked out the new Tesco this one day cos mainly it's too hot elsewhere, and for the first time you didnt refuse the trolley's babyseat. You also slept while seating in the trolley while we were browsing around Giant (yeah, another one of those hot days). I realised it just in time to hold your floppy sleepy head. It was so cute and pitiful.

Well, all in all, it's a great Raya. Tiring, fattening, broke-ing, the usual weariness of Raya yet all is good. I have to admit though that a weeklong break can get too long with a cranky toddler late nite EVERY nite for the whole week. But as much as i yearn for our aircond bedroom back home (i'm terribly spoilt, i know), i feel sad when we left kampung that day. Especially when we're the last to leave. Leaving Tok, An and Mak Su in the quiet house again. I can only imagine how they must have felt sending us away, one after another, after what seems to be a weeklong of fullhouse party.

But of course, i also have to admit that i was veryveryvery looking forward to our Penang trip on the way back, which was also filled with many gastronomical delights : )

But that's for another post.

Selamat Hari Raya

2008-09-29T09:44:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir,

All our bags are packed and we're ready to go!

We're heading to Alor Setar for our weeklong Raya hols and will be dropping by Penang for 2 nites on the way back.. yeay!

This Raya we have kinds splurge on you. And consequently that leaves me and papa with just one pair of decent baju raya. Hmmpph.. We've also succumb and got you your first pair of Nike shoes btw.. mama yang excited! We've also tried some of the raya gear on you so that you get used to it by the day.. (lesson learnt from your birthday party)

Hope our journey today will go well and safe ..stay put in the carseat ok?

Selamat Hari Raya to all. Maaf Zahir BAtin from me and family. Hope you have a blessed and great one. Also, drive safe... Ta!

It's 14 months la..

2008-09-27T00:01:00.006+08:00

Dear Amir,

When we were out last few days, a mom with a little girl who was sitted next to our table during berbuka asked me how old you are. I confidently answered "15 mths". She then glance to her little cute girl and said that she is a month younger. Then we were sharing random info about you and her. Then the father came and the lady related our conversation to him. "Oh.. he's a June baby then. She's born on 2oth July." he told me. I realised then that I was a dufus and has just forgotten how old my son was.. it's 14lah Mama.. Amir's 14 mths. Around the same time i realised that I owe you this entry.

So 14 months now eh boy?

14 is always my favourite number and this 14th month has been wonderful so far. You're beginning to find your appetite back (after the series of fever). Your fav food is satay, cheese crackers and karipap - you definitely take after your Papa's palate. Yesterday, you were introduced to a good bowl of laksa utara.. and i think you really enjoyed it judging from the slurp and the 'aaaahhh ..' that follows after every mouhtful. You also prefer to self feed now, especially when given a chance to use the spoon.. not that you get any food in pun. Sometimes, when i feel like it, i just let you have fun with it. In fact bottle feeding has reached another comfort level now that you're willing to hold your own bottle and cleverly hand me the bottle sometimes with the cap once you're done. Even in the wee hours of the morning. Even when you're in the stroller.

You have also mastered a new word.. "Nok" which is really Nak (I want) in Kelantanese slang. I'm very pleased that you took after the slang.. and it made it extra cute when you insist on things, mostly food. "Nok..mamamamaa...nok!" Hahah.. i'm getting ambitious and hope the next word will be "tokse" which is tak nak (I dont want). But really, i didnt make a concious effort to teach you the slang anyway.. which shows that your parroting skill is kicking in.

You comprehend a lot of things too now. You understand what to do when we ask you to 'sit', 'sleep', 'salam', 'put back' and 'close'. We thought you to salam recently since Hari Raya is around the corner, half hoping that this new trick will earn you big angpow.. haha..opportunist betul. Just a few rounds of demo was all you need. But when you do salam, it will be sometimes followed by a quick retract of the hand and you clapping away in pride (as though you've achieved something - i think your friend Yazid went through this once too!). Sometimes it is accompanied by a kiss, either a sloppy one complete with the sound effect orr you'll draw the person's hand and rub it against your cheek. Cuteness!

Despite all these happy development, we're also beginning to see the onset of the terrible twos behaviours. The tantrums, the shrieking.. the never ending energy to do almost everything at odd hours of the day. Especially now that you wake up during sahur, sometimes.. and refuses to sleep after that. But so far you havent been avoiding my cuddles yet.. and for that I'm so happy. In fact you love cuddling so much, even more. Perhaps you understand that soon you will have to share me with a more needy dependant baby. Most nites now, you'll doze off my arm as your bolster.. ( a good one that is.. one of the benefits of having a 'fleshy' mom..haha) It breaks my heart that I have to wean you off our bed around this time too.. in preparation for the next bed invader. But the progress been great though, so I guess I have to tough it up and cherish the fact that you're cooperating.

Tok Ma said you're learning so fast now that when we didnt go over to her house during weekends, she'll find you doing new stuff by Monday. Haha.. It's been fun watching you grow day by day. I hope I will remember to still indulge and enjoy this when adik arrives. Sometimes when i think about it i feel overwhelmed that we're gonna have another child soon cos having you alone is already so much fun! I cant wait to see you grow as an elder bro soon. I bet you'll be a dotting one. Whatever it is, you'll always be my baby.. i love you and nothing in the world can ever change that. Happy 14th mth Amir!

Jazmibear 32

2008-09-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

Dear Amir,

Today, the love of our lives, our fav guy, Papa, turned 32.

The three of us spent some time together running errands and doing some last minute Raya shopping (finally!). We also went for my check up and saw 'little adik' squiggling around. You were in the best mood throughout everything. It was tiring, but we had fun didnt we? After buka puasa (you ate porridge and buns like there's no tomorrow) and running after a cute girl, you doze off in the stroller giving us a chance for some dessert n lepak2. But Papa was worried that you would be uncomfy and start to cry in the middle of our planned 'romantic supper', so we went home instead..

But i do have a surprise installed for him later : )

Pls keep it between us k Amir? :P

To my beloved husband, my best friend and my favourite bear (haha!)

Happy Birthday dear and hope you have a blessed life ahead with lots of cuddles from your loved ones.. : )

Thank you for every single thing that you have done for me, for us.

We love you so much and more...

And.. the surprise..tungguuuuu...

Love,

Your Noreenbear and Budak Tembun

Raya shopping - the mission impossible

2008-09-22T10:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Amir,

This weekend is the last weekend before we head back for weeklong balik kampung to Alor Star. So, i tot i'd squeezed in some last minute shopping. Noticed that you only have one baju melayu (your first!) and that's it, for Raya. I dunno wat got into me but i really dont have mood to shoplah lately (maybe cos no money..haha!)

Aunty Adniz gave birth to her lovely firstborn girl on Thursday nite. So we made plan to visit her the next day while including a short shopping trip before/after the visit. But we left late, and tak sempat for anything except for the visit n then buka puasa on the way back. You were also cranky by dinnertime, so that's it lah. Anyway, the little girl was soo tiny and cute. Very sharp features for a one day old! You enjoyed the trip playing around with Uncle Khalid and was in the best of mood. But when i held the baby, you started acting weird and got clingy. I think that was jealousy, and it was our first time seeing you react like this. Hmm.. how timely..

On Saturday, i kong-ed. Cant stand, bend over or even watch tv cos i felt very nauseous. I cant even talk at some point and it's a big deal cos I havent experienced such thing in this n previous pregnancy. So basically my plan to clean the house and then go out for the much anticipated shopping trip went down the drain. Thank God you decided to just hang around and nap for 3 hours! When i felt a bit better, we went out to visit my old friend and then buy our dinner. So again, no shopping.

Yesterday, we went to KLCC, to accompany Papa who went for his site visit at a nearby building. Papa dropped us at Isetan.. how strategic! Isetan was having a 3 days only mad sale, and i immediately KIVed a few items to purchase for you, but shopping alone with you made it quite impossible. So we hang around at the toy/play section while waiting for Papa. When Papa arrived, i quickly gave him a rundown of what we should get for you. He was agreeable but for some reason we walked out of Isetan and decided to scout for place for berbuka instead. That leads us to KLCC park.. dont ask me why. And here.. i'll just let the pics do the talking.. We didnt bring a cam along, should have, but then again it was suppose to be a shopping trip right.. There were many ppl with their supercool SLRs around the park, and quite a number stopped to take your photo.. and you, my boy were grinning away macam bagus! Anyway, again, we end up berbuka and left home empty handed

So, basically our last weekend, which was supposed to be very hectic and see everything done (ie shopping, cleaning house, sorting out baju to bring back) went by just like that, and nothing was quite achieved.. hehe. But i enjoyed our weekend out though.. we should do it more often.

Being fair

2008-09-11T13:26:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir,

As much as I want to claim myself as a visionary far sighted person, the reality is i'm a not.

Hence, when I wanted to create a blog for you, amirchampion seems like a nice name. (and it
was available!). What i failed to see was that we want to have many kids.. and now with 'little adik' on the way, i'm contemplating how i should make room for the arrival without taking your personal space.

I didnt get a chance to track my pregnancy progress with you. Partly in fear that it'll jinx the whole process.. (adeke?). With little adik, i think i want things differently. The only thing is, is it fair to write for/about little adik in your journal here? Or should i create one solely for him/her too? And if we do end up with 5 kids (your Papa is still hopeful), does that means I'll have 5 blogs to handle?? Haha.. i'm quite certain that's quite ridiculous.

So here starts the dilemma for me as a parent. Keeping this equal and fair for everyone.

But i think i've decided, I'll be fair (and realistic) to myself. You get the privilege as the big bro. As 'the leader'.. so amirchampion it is. But from now on, it'll contain about my other little championss (insyaAllah). I hope you dont mind. You must also starts to learn to share, right? And i really wanna start you early. But of course, you'll still be the main cast. For now. : )

Manja little abang!

Ramadhan and my food cravings

2008-09-02T23:59:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

Yesterday we started fasting. That explains why both of Papa and I have been waking up in the middle of the nite to eat! I know you looked very confuse when you woke up at 5am to see us makan nasik but that's how it works and it's called sahur. When you're older, i'll teach you about the whole deal ok?

The start of this Ramadhan was ok for both of us. I cooked on the first day. Nasi jagung and your Papa's favourite ayam masak merah. We also had fresh watermelon juice, which was also enjoyed by you. Today we settled for what Papa bought from pasar ramadhan. I made popiah, been longing for homemade popiah. Those popiah they sell with overflowing sauce on top doesnt do it for me lah. By the way, Papa was really upset with his purchases.. macam tak ikhlas berniaga he said.. pity him. I'll try to cook more often if i have the energy to.

Papa was a bit concern about me fasting since i'm still in my early weeks and been having headache quite often, especially when i'm hungry (but couldnt eat cos loya). But i think with good niat, God will help me through it. Well, first day was fine.. in fact i managed to cook n clean up the kitchen, mop the whole bedroom cos you suddenly puked while happily playing (?), change the bedspread.. quite somethingla since we havent been sleeping well the last two nites since you were very restless and wailing like never before. In fact the only reason you stop was because you lost your voice and Pooh was in sight. (We wont be having Pooh for a while, cos you vomitted all over your poor friend the other day)

Anyway, talk about food and all, i've been having 'some' cravings (already??). But luck or rezeki has really been on 'little adik's side. Last 2 weeks, I crave for Pasembor Penang and was in fact planning a trip with Papa there, that very evening, we went for a neighbour's bday party and guess wat?? Pasembor was the main item.. sedap pulak tu! I told the host I was craving for it and help myself to a few servings of the treasured dish. haha... tak malu! Then last week, I wanted JCo Donuts.. promptly enough Uncle Wan was in Sunway Pyramid so he bought me a box that evening. I never ate donuts that many and that fast in one go!

I also got my Tony Roma's onion loaf. We went for Tony Roma after your/my check up the other day(belated anniversary) and that was the main thing i ate even though we ordered quite a number of things. Then last weekend, we went for Nyonya food, cos suddenly i found myself drooling over some pics of assam fish and pandan chicken. Also last weekend, our neighbourhood was suppose to have a bbq to menyambut ramadhan, but it was changed to steamboat instead. I was frustrated. That nite itself, Tok Ayoh Loh called asking us to go over and help them finish the abundant bbq lamb, leftover from their earlier makan2.

All I can say is alhamdulillah. Hope i havent been melampau with all these sudden urge to eat this and that. Papa is worried that 'little adik' is going to be a spoilt baby, with an expensive taste too.. hehe.

But one thing remains elusive - the authentic 'aussie' shawarma kebab complete with tabouleh, sour cream, melted cheese n all. Just like the one the lebanese sell in australia. The one that I've grown tired of when we were in australia, cos that's the easiest, cheapest halal food around. And now i'm craving for it.

Which is almost sad cos I've been craving for it since my pregnancy with you. And now it's back.

We'll see if i'm in luck this time.

Nonetheless, alhamdulillah for all these rezeki Ya Allah and wish everyone a blessed Ramadhan ahead.

p/s: Papa bought kebab from pasar ramadhan today, but the soggy piece of pita overflowing with cheap sauce is no consolation i'm afraid. Thanks dear... i appreciate it how you try and try..

Happy 53rd Bday Ma!

2008-08-29T20:46:00.004+08:00

Dear Amir,

Today is 29th Aug.. means yesterday was 28th Aug, Tok Ma's 53rd birthday.

But i totally missed it! Didnt really forget, but i was SOO CONVINCED that yesterday was 27th instead

The funny thing is

- I planned to sms your uncles n Che Su today to remind them to call Tok Ma

- I wish someone else Happy Belated Birthday on my facebook yesterday!

- I called her few times yesterday but talked about something else .. d'ohh!!

- Yesterday, I was aware that today is going to be 29th

- I wrote a few official letters, dating them 27th aug

- I was at AirAsia website, checking some dates for travel

It was 11.50pm and I was getting ready to sleep when i realised. Quickly wrote her an sms, cos it was too late to call. They were in Bali, and had a outrageously early flight to catch this morning. Somehow, the sms couldnt get through. I tried calling, my hp batt died on me. Try to charge, it wouldnt on.. and it has gone haywire..since i ... err.. dropped it earlier. Papa was out, brought his hp along. So i slept with the biggest guilt, feeling like the biggest loser ever.

Anyway, that was my story. It appears that I was the only one who didnt wish her.. :(

Happy Birthday Ma!

I know this came late and I've no excuse for it except for .. err.. pregnesia?

I hope you had a good time with Pa in Bali. You totally deserved it.

Thank you for all you have done for us, the highly dependant lazybums.

Hugs n kisses!

Here's my two fav pics of her, a dotting mother and the supergranny (pictured with you and Airel at few weeks old)

13 mths old 'abang'

2008-08-28T23:16:00.000+08:00

Dear Amir,

Earlier this week you turned 13 months.
Last month saw a lot of things happening.. that i forgot to post about your 12 mths milestone altogether! Alhamdulillah, this month things has started to settle down a bit.

You are now a proud owner of 2 upper and 2 lower teeth. Finally! They showed up around your 1st birthday and I can see a few more trying to make appearance soon. I think these 4 teeth cutting is one of the main reason that you resisted food most of last month. And I guess cos you were mostly sick anyway. But last week, things changed dramatically. You ate like a champ..perhaps getting used to the new 'tools' that you just got. Your menu has also expanded overnight since you eat what we eat. You'll bang the dining table to demand food and will smack your lips in the cutest way when you see food on the table. And with every feed, you'll clap happily with a satisfactory smile.

You are quite eager to talk.. or at least am very vocal now. Besides mama and papa, the only thing you can say now is 'bard' (bird), 'bah' (boy), 'baaa' (bye) 'arrkk' (allahuakhbar) 'aoowww' (hello) haha. Others mostly will be uhhh and aaahhh.. which is quite challenging to comprehend. Anyway, you can also comprehend a lot of things now. You will come to me and lay on my arms when i say 'Sleep mama' at your bedtime, you'll tug your clothes when i open the bathroom door and say 'Mandi', say 'Allahuakhbar' and you'll throw your hand in air and sujud while trying hard to balance yourself.. (cute!). 'Sayang mama' will see you coming near me and press your forehead against mine (you have your own way of expressing love huh?). And when you think you've achieved something (like putting two blocks together, ate a mouthfull of food, climb down your toybike by yourself) you'll clap your hand and sit and bang the floor with full excitement.

You received a lot of toys for your birthday. And promptly enough, you have learned to play with them and not just bite of throw them around. One of the toys that you got was this Pooh bear which is about your size. You love him to pieces and will hug him whenever he's in sight. He's the same height when both of you are seated. When we play with Pooh, i usually use the babytalk tone. This is where you learn to use high pitch voice when talking to something cute.. like a doll or a cat or fish in tank. So cute and smart at the same time.

You're also getting more active now. You love climbing up and down small tables, the stairs, your toycar/bike, me.. etc. You love playing chase with balls, small cars etc. Basically staying put to play is a thing in the past now. One thing that i find cute yet quite disturbing is the fact that you love playing with my handbag. Putting in over our shoulder and walking about.. sometimes waving around. Sigh... i'll try not to take it too seriously. You're just a toddler exploring and immitating things huh?

Yesterday we went for your 12th mth check up.. which was yeah, a month late. You weigh 10.5kg now and is a few cm taller than ur last check up(I cant remember exactly!). You caused quite a scene cos you couldnt stop walking and babbling, giggling by yourself. Loving ALL the attention huh??

Anyway, we saw 'little adik' yesterday. I saw the heartbeat! Poor thing Papa couldnt concentrate cos you were around too.

So 'little abang', we shall see what awaits us in coming month and beyond huh. I think it's going to be exciting..insyaAllah

Love you loads dear..

When the going gets tough

2008-08-20T21:28:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir,

So you're going to be an abang soon, insyaAllah.

I guess you knew it before anyone else, cos you started acting up weird, extraextra clingy, refusing anyone else but me since a few weeks before I found out. The gang at Tok Ma's house has already started to call you abang.. some in sarcastic tone, suggesting to me it's quite ridiculous for you to be an abang at this tender age. What they forgot to see is that all of them (us, my siblings) are around 2 years age difference anyway. I guess because you're currently THE baby of the house so it's quite hard to digest.

Actually, frankly speaking, it even feel surreal to me still. And I havent been to any check up yet since the last time we went to the doc to confirm. Am waiting for this fever/cough to fully subside. For some reason i'm very nervous about meeting the doc this time. What if we suddenly find out that there are twins there?? Quite honestly, that's the first thing i thought when i found out i'm a pregger. Funny! I dont believe it's a sign. I never trusted my mothers instinct. Cos i have none.. hmpphh..

Anyway, Tok Ma has been unwell since last week. She had to stay in the hospital for few days but am now back at home. But she's still not herself, very weak and in need of lots and lots of rest. It's nothing specific, but she's sickly most of the times. We're rearranging a few routines around the house to allow her the best of rest she can get. For a start, we're moving everything from the home office to the main office so that she cant get access to any work anymore.. and yeah, so that officematters will stop bothering her. Like it or not, i'll be in charge now. So Uncle Wan and I will be relocating. We have also divided chores around the house so that she doesnt have to do much housework. And that's the easy part.

Now comes the real issue (at least to me), taking care of you. I'll be working from the real office now, which is no place for a boy like you. Well, we can bring you along but it'll be such a pity for you huh? Leaving you with Tok Ma will be taxing on her, especially now that you have acquired more climbing and acrobatic skills. So we are looking for a nursery nearby the office to place you, at least for half day session. Now typing that makes me gulp. I'm such a softie when it comes to matters like this. Spoilt mother! We are also looking for a new bibik now cos i guess it's time. Oh, i didnt mention that Tok Ma's bibik left for good a few weeks ago. So you see the trail of event? Bibik left, bday party without bibik, tokma me and you demam, tok ma hospitalised, (we found out i'm pregnant), on panic search for nursery & new bibik for me (and Tok Ma)..

I think I had it too easy all these while. That the thought of sending you off to a nursery feels like a big major huge deal. I feel ashamed of myself, i mean take a look around.. it's just a normal routine for other working mothers. Anyway, apart from this nursery issue, am still coming to terms with other matters too like being the one in charge (sort of) at the office, being the responsible firstborn girl and take care of tokma's house (when ours are more often than not, a total mess) and going through these changes while my body is growing another child.

Am still calm. In fact i think i'm cool (Again, except for the nursery part, i'll be a major drama on that part) Weird jugak. Especially when i feel and kind of sure that this pregnancy has made me into a total emo wreck! More details later.

Anyway, i'll just take it a day at a time. Breath in breath out. Folic acid in. Kiss Amir. Ensure Tok Ma rests and takes her med. Hug Papa. Kiss Amir. Hug Amir. Blog... : )

Amir, do behave ok. We really2 need you to this time.

Three

2008-08-19T19:47:00.006+08:00

Dear Amir,

Today Papa&Mama turned 3. Three wonderful years together. Three years of enjoying each others company. Three years of looking past each others mistakes. Three years of celebrating each others good days. Three years of lending each others shoulder to cry on. Three years of driving each others insane. Three wonderful years together.

Us on THE day..

Our first pic as a family of three.. a few weeks shy of Papa&Mama turning 2.

As a couple, we dont celebrate Valentines. I think somewhere along the way, we made a promise to totally ignore Valentines and only celebrate our anniversary instead. For our first anniversary, we stayed at a hotel right smack in KL, went for dinner and then have a stroll in KL golden triangle. I was in my confinement when we celebrated our 2nd anniversary. Tok Ma gave us the green light to sneak out for a lunch date together. So we did. And black pepper steak it was.. cos black pepper wat.. good for my condition then : )

Today, we are staying home. I'm going to cook simple dinner soon, like any other days. I'm still not my 100% healthwise. You are still coughing and sneezing too. So it's a no-go. No celebration for today. I feel slightly upset. But i guess it's ok. Afterall, there are manymanymany more years to celebrate.. insyaAllah. And we have recently received the best news, the best gift we can get for a third year anniversary : )

Happy Anniversary sayang. me love you so much.

Our precious 'gift' from God

The Parties - the full report

2008-08-17T17:36:00.001+08:00

Dear Amir,

So your first birthday was well celebrated.. twice in fact, even though both wasnt on the actual date.

I initally wanted to hold just one at our home, for family, frens and neighbours since we havent had any housewarming or makan2 at our home since we move in. But Tok Ma offered to hold one at her house for the relatives, cos realistically speaking, our house cant fit all of them pun. And i'm not about the hire a tent for your bday -that would be too grand in my book.. hehe.

So two birthday parties there were.

We celebrated the first one at Tok Ma, attended by most of my uncles, aunties and cousins. It was a breakfast party themed 'polkadots and stripes'. The menu was nasi kerabu, satay, sandwiches and a few other little bites. We bought you a cake from Secret Recipe and I bakes some cupcakes to accompany it.

Tok Ma went all out to stick to the theme. From the party packs to the jelly balls. We also embellished your cake with M&Ms for the polka dot effect. Even your cupcakes has small M&M dots on it.. hehe. Everyone was also asked to come dressed in stripes or polka dots.

Tok Pa prepared a pool for your friends to dip in. It was officiated by you, in your 'birthday suit', thanks to over excited Tok Pa. Then Airel and Irfan joined in for a splash. (i didnt take any pic-will get it from someone else). When the three VIP left, all the other older kids went in, in wateva they were wearing.. haha. You fell asleep after the dip and only wake up towards the end of the party to open your presents.

I had a ball of time on my own catching up with cousins and having endless plates of satay. My cousin, Kak Noni was back from UK and joined the party with her family. It was our first time meeting little Aliyah.. she's soo... adorable and cheeky. She even helped me organize my Totshop stuff for display... Ohh.. i took the opportunity to showcase (and sell) some of my Totshop stuff that day ..hehe..

The second party was last Saturday, at our home. This round we invited friends and neighbours only. Tok Ma cooked nasi dagang and I prepared spaghetti and some desserts. We got you a cake again, cos wat's a birthday without a cake huh?? I also didnt managed to resist the customary 'Number 1' candle. Mama yg excited lebih. More about it later.

Most of my friends turned up. All with their spouse, most with little ones and 2 of them with noticably pregnant bellies. How time flies..

We also invited the neighbourhood friends, mostly Papa's futsal buddies. I wish I had more time to chat with each and everyone.. catch up with friends and get to know some of my neighbours better. But i guess I was too busy playing host and pestering everyone to eat and eat.. hehe. Food was abundant that the whole futsal gang came back later that nite for supper and had shisha session till 2am. Yeah, your Papa had a party on his own too!

We had candle blowing session for both parties but you cried during both.

We noticed that you are scared of the candle flame. Now i know why you always cry during birthdays (Yazid's birthday, my fren's birthday). It doesnt help that both the sessions were also at your crankiest, sleepiest time. So we had some hillarious photos of you crying in front of the cake (and me trying to keep cool in the background..hehe)

Anyway, I'm happy with both the parties. I got to meet family and great friends and make new ones while you got tons of toys and books to go by for the next 3 years. (I'm keeping some until you're a little older). I must say i'm still recuperatin from last Saturday do but it was all worth it. Afterall, Papa and I thinks that maybe this birthday party celebration huha will only happen after the next 3 years.. hahah

yes.. i'm that tired but it's all good.

Happy Birthday my dear Amir.. hope you had great fun in your own way and werent too disturbed by the candle. : )

We love you so much!

p/s : Thanks Hetz for some of the pics

Down

2008-08-13T18:23:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

At this moment, I could have followed you and Papa for your daily stroll around the neighbourhood, but no. I chose to lay here in bed and vegetate in front of the PC. Afterall, this is my only me-time that i get.

But i think i've made a wrong choice today. Should have followed you guys for some sun and fun.

I've been pretty down lately. Not perpetual depression of sort but i'm consistently sick, tired and frustrated that i'm sick and always tired. Both of us were feverish since last few weeks, it's been going on and on, some days are worst than most. Only few are good days.

Today, it went on a different level. You were just getting better and started to act more active than usual (making up for lost time!). For the THIRD time today, I found you playing with ciggy buts and the ashtray, just a few mins after i 'rescued' you from 'jumping' off the tv table in uncle wan's room. It doesnt help that i'm on the verge of having asthma and was wheezing since morning. I screamed on top of my voice and pulled you away from the ashtray. Then i saw your face. The stunt 'what did i do' face. And then you smirk. Then i cried like a little girl / madwoman, and called Papa. When Papa arrived, we were already asleep like a baby, both after a good cry.

I'm losing it. Damn these hormones..

Here's hoping we'll be as happy again...

p/s: I wish to put up a happier post - your bday party for instant, but internet sucks these days, i cant upload pics without cursing profusely. Again, damn these hormones, and Streamyx..

Anti climax post : be warned!

2008-08-04T14:40:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir,

Sorry for the long silence. Was tied up with few things which mainly includes entertaining my super cheeky and manja 1 year old you. Also, we got new stuff coming up our way.. big stuff for us all. That has kept me occupied, mentally, emotionally, physically.. and that's my excuse this time..

I still owe Uncle Yeh a 'report' on your birthday bash. Unfortunately, I dont think i have the will to go through all the pics and upload them yet. Heheh.. so wait Uncle Yeh must. Anyway, your birthday bash was GRREAAT! Tok Ma really went all out to throw you a perfect party. Homecooked authentic meals, partypack/gifts for everyone (including parents of the kids)... she even hang the party deco herself! I thk her enthusiasm must have rubbed on to Tok Pa, who went out the nite before the party to buy an inflatable pool to add more splashing fun the next day. Oklah, with those preview.. i shall leave it for another post ok?

We went back to KB recently for Uncle Sham's wedding and some serious gastronomic indulgence. Again, me too lazy for photos.. maybe next time when i feel like it.. heh

This is becoming an anti climax post isnt it? Hahah

OOh.. i got one good news... your tooth.. it's finally budding out!!
and from the look of it, they looked as if they're RUSHING out.. a few of them simultaneously.
Havent attempted on the parents ultimate challenge - taking a pic of the tooth bud. But shall get to it soon.

Aaanyway, here comes some bad news..Now that you've turned one, I'm determine to wean you off our bed and your pacifier.
HELP needed. Moms out there.. please..help me out

1st Bday Countdown - THE day

2008-07-22T23:04:00.003+08:00

Throughout my pregnancy, i never got the false alarm contraction. So when the real deal kicks in at 2pm 22nd July 2007, enough to wake me up from my slumber, I thought that was it, finally.. this is wat the fuss is all about.. i thought it was the Braxton Hicks. But when the sharp pressure hit again about 20 mins later.. i quickly pick up the alarm clock and stared at it obediently. True enough, 20 mins on, it hit again. It was then that I decided that I should really force myself to sleep cos the next day may be the longest day of my life, and I will be for some serious work.. the labour.

But who am i kidding? The contraction came precisely every 15 mins so instead of sleeping, I was busy anticipating pain and trying all the breathing technique i learnt, which i forgot, and did not help. I remembered looking at your Papa.. contemplating if I should wake him up. But then, he'll be my number 1 support system tomorrow, so I let him have the luxury of sleep for the very last time everrr :)

At 5am, woke Papa up, called Tok Ma to tell her. Papa jumped right away and was quite gelabah. It's half funny and half endearing to see him that way. It was Monday, so we decided to go to the hospital early to avoid the morning rush. Contraction was still 15 mins apart and I was still talking and laughing on the way to the hospital. It feels so surreal. I have to admit, amidst the excitement, i felt very scared.

Checked in the hospital at 7am and were strapped to the machine. Contraction was still 15 mins apart but getting more painful. That was the case for the next hoursss.. Doc said the graph showed that my contraction was quite severe but I was still talking in between them. She discussed it over with the nurse and actually asked me "Sakit ke tak ni, macam tak sakit je, betul tak ni?" i forgave her cos she's also a mother so she MUST be kidding.

The progress was slow. They broke my waterbag at 5pm, a process which i never realised untill i saw a pail being carried out of the room. Then they gave me something to accelerate the labour. At about 6pm, the doc came in to check on me and told me the worst news of the day, that she's gonna go home and come back after Maghrib cos most probably i'll only be ready then. I felt like pulling her and tie her to my bed then, but Tok Ma assured me that the doc knows best.

The next few hours was pain at its best. They gave me pethidine and the laughing gas but i was in too much pain to understand how to use it properly. Then, after wat seems forever, doc arrived, checked on me and give everyone the thumbs up. The nurses,midwife, paed scurry around me, got me prep. Tok Pa was asked to leave. Tok Ma and your Papa was by my side. And they were veryveryvery amazing by the way.

It was precisely around this time that i finally understood how to use the gas thing.. so more relaxed now, i gave my best and at 9.05pm, I heard the doc said "Assalamualaikum.." which was immediately followed by a loud cry. Then i saw the black lock of hair and felt a warm little thing squiggling on my tummy... it was you, looking up, clenching my fingers with your tiny hand.

The rest was a blur... Papa gave me a kiss n thank me again and again. Paed took you away and cleaned you up, doc was finishing her stuff downunder. Saw Tok Ma crying. Tok Pa came in and was busy snapping pics

Then Papa lifted you up, it was his first time holding a baby as tiny as you are. All the chaos in the room halted. I saw and heard him shed his tears as he recited azan to you. That was the most memorable part of your birthday, and it will always be.

1 year on.. here we are, you're turning 1 tomorrow, and i'm just so overwhelmed..

1st Bday Countdown : My pregnancy trivia

2008-07-20T21:30:00.003+08:00

I was one of lucky ones that escape morning sickness throughout the 9 mths of pregnancy

I gained 6kg in total, lost 10kg during confinement and now back to the prepregnancy weight.. sighh..

My pregnancy 'lifesaver', no 1 must have - my Croc mary jane, love it love it love it!

We have only one scan image printed (the one in the previous entry)

Loves - Corn in a cup, corn on cob, salads, soya bean drink, sandwiches with loads of salads in it, fresh juice, durian(!), berkemban (hehe), Friends series, Desperate Housewives series (I had DP marathon every weekends while Papa was away for classes)

Loathes - Smell of Papa's talc, smell of car fume, driving, wearing clothes (it was freaking HOT okay!!)

Had to do the glucose test twice (due to my weight issue), immediately got migraine after both the test.

During the 3rd month, when we were on the way to KLIA, I suddenly felt the urge to eat satay - stopped in Dengkil and stuffed myself silly with satay kajang there, satay has never taste THAT good!

My craving - the famous West End kebab I had in Oz. Was on constant search for such version in Msia, it drives Papa mad and yeah, we never found it.. hehe

Didn't look pregnant at all, just fatter. Consequently, i didnt have many photo of pregnant-me. Or i did have but i didnt look it.. haha

Me, me, me.. randomly

2008-07-12T12:37:00.007+08:00

Dear Amir,

I've been pretty busy lately. Mind, body, soul.. hehe..

Firstly there's a birthday party to plan and prepare.. oh wait, two actually.. a double celebration at two different places, on two different dates for two different groups, for this one and only boy, who is turning 1 veryvery soon! : )Both Tok Ma and Che' Su is also very excited abt this. I just cant wait for the presents.. haha.. cos we're too cheapskatelah these days.. But dont worry dear, we've got 2 items in mind for your bday gift.

Then, there's 3 diapercake orders to be fulfilled. All pink theme though. Been yearning for a BLUEberry cake. Any takers? Might even offer a discount cos i really really cant wait for a more masculine cake.. hehe

Totshop is moving ok, though not as active as when we first start. Stocks are clearing off though, so it's time to stock up on new cutesies, esp for Raya. Now getting orders for bulk supply pulak.. if you ask me, that's half the effort yet more buck$$ .. so cool, it's great to know that i'm helping other aspiring enterpreneurs out there start their enture..hehe

Work - there's definitely more on my plate now that Tok Ma is slowing down a little. Wateva it is i absolutely love it! Earlier this week, we had a big order for gifts from the co i was working with before. It caused me a nite sleep, wrapping and beautifying the gift boxes. We had to stay at Tok Ma's that day and poor Papa spent the nite alone at home. Sacrifices .. hehe. (We made up for it by sneaking out for a movie after delivering the items-btw, Hancock rocks!!) Anyway, it was worth it! I was really satisfied and the client absolutely loved it too. We then got invited to their event last nite where I met most of my old colleagues and sang the corporate song along with them.. hehe.. sentimental habis. Anyway, they say i look good. Must be HAPPINESS.

I've also been bumping into some great great webbies featuing cool ideas and designs lately - fashion, art, home, etc (will share the webs later..too malas now). Being a true libra, I just absolutely adore pretty things. My head is full of ideas now.. wish I've the time to turn it into something, perhaps for money generating purpose? : )

Aaanyway, we're going out to get party supplies and visit Aunty Noni and gang who are just back from UK. And here's wat you and papa were up to while i'm writing this post. Boysss..heh.

1st Bday Countdown : I'm pregnant!

2008-07-04T23:36:00.001+08:00

(Before i get any excited remarks..no, i AM not. Not with the second one..)

Dear Amir,

After 6 mths of being a duo, we decided that it was time to add on to our family. At first it was exciting, the prospect of having my own child, our own family. But after monthsss trying to no avail and instead finding out that other ppl around me are getting pregnant one after another (including all the celebrity, Gwen, TomKat, Bradelina!), my hope ran thin. I thought that my worst nightmare ie, not being able to get pregnant, is going to be a real thing.

Then there was this twist of event in my life. I enrolled into this leadership program within my company and found myself on job rotation every 6 mths. I was much more HAPPIER. It kept me off worrying about getting pregnant. In fact, I was almost done hoping and wishing and just literally tawakal and go on enjoying life in other aspect. At the same time, I grew more positive and instead of weeping whenever the monthly 'fren' arrived, I made an appointment with the notorious doc to help us out. It was a long waiting list.

We never made it to the appointment cos two weeks after it was set, I was late. This time I wasnt as anxious, waited a little longer to buy the test (cos God knows how I've wasted money on those tests prematurely). But one Sunday morning, i took it casually, only to find a miserable faint second line. I almost didnt want to show it to your Papa in fear of false hope. But I'm not the kind who can keep it to myself even for 5 seconds, heh! So we went to the clinic to confirm.

Then the second round of ordeal start. We went from clinic to clinic for almost 2 weeks but none of the tests showed a positive result. One of the doc even told me not to be too hopeful. I think she was even implying that i'm too desperate to the point of being pathetic.. i thinklah. It hurts. I demanded for a blood test, but they said it was unnecessary. Then we went for scans,one after another, at different clinics. Nada.. nil. Weirdly, at the same time, I did my own test, and it produces a positive result. I grew confident then. Then this one Indian doc nearby our hse suggested that perhaps we need a more invasive procedure to confirm it. But again, we were asked to wait for a week till he's able to perform it. At this point, Papa told me not to hope so much, and as a consolation, we went for brief holiday : )

A week later, fresh from the holiday, we went to the clinic. The doc did the procedure and it was then that we first met you. After 9 months of hopes and prayers. Finally I saw my little 'bean' holding on for dear life. What a beautiful sight. And the rest is history.

Moral of the story

Let nature takes its course, dont be too hard on yourself when things doesnt turn out as fast as you want it to be

Dont worry, be happy - Tok Ma said it could be cos I was (noticeably) happy that I was finally able to conceive!

Measle misery

2008-07-03T21:33:00.000+08:00

Dear Amir,

You're down with measle now. That explains the fever you had early this week. It's terrible looking at you scratching your menggerutu face. But other than the scratching, you're such an angel. I was expecting major tantrum and whining. But all is good, alhamdulillah, you were just being yourself, just slightly extra clingy, wanting us to carry you here n there. You're also more selective, insisting on your fav ladies only ie Tok Ma, me and Che' Su (in that particular order...sigh) But that started a few weeks back even before you had fever, so i'm guessing it's just the separation anxiety phase kicking in.

playing scratching taking a break

excited happy scratching again

irritated uncomfy scratchscratch

Perhaps, the thing that upsets you he most now is not being able to go out much. Lately, you always insist on going out of the house. You will kick your feet while we're carrying you and point outside the house. You love being outdoors, especially at the playground in front of our house. It's becoming quite a task to drag you back in when you had your time outdoor. The other day, after our evening walk, you screamed & cry once you saw me approaching our house gate. That was followed by a rolling-on-the-floor act once we're inside the house. In the morning, when I carry you out the door you will clap happily but immediately cry when we go in the car (instead of go out of the gate).

You have also mastered a few other stuff - tearing off tissue from toilet roll to wipe the office desk (cute!), pushing away wateva blocking the door to shut the door, 'arranging' and 'rearranging' the cushion pillows on Tok Ma's sofa.. Never fail to entertain us.

Today, we went for a walk just in front of the gate. You're getting more comfortable walking now on a condition that we dont interfere. I guess I'll be missing the 'bertatih' phase cos you really dont want us to hold your hand when you walk.. So eksyen!

I hope you get well soon dear. I'll bring you for a walk around the playground again once you've recovered k and thank you for being such a good boy, even when you're under this condition.
You're one awesome champion!

1st birthday countdown : The prequel

2008-07-01T13:42:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

In anticipation (understatement!) for your 1st birthday soon, I'd like to do a tribute, a countdown posts towards your big day. It'll be of things that I wish i would have blogged about if i were to start this blog before you were born..

And that's my present to you.. insyaAllah

Amir - 3.5 mths old

11 months of joys

2008-06-25T22:25:00.012+08:00

Dear Amir,

You turned 11 months last Monday..

11 months old! Wow..

Reaching the 1 yr old mark now, you have developed many many new stuff and in fact has established a distinguish personality of your own.

A week ago, you started to walk on your own, just like that. We tried to hold your hands to encourage you to walk before but you were never keen of it and prefer to sit when we did that. But somehow, last week, a chirping bird managed to entice you enough to stand and walk, totally on your own! Ever since that incident, you have braved yourself to practice this new skill everyday. You dont like us to cheer you on though, and prefer to do 'your thing' when you think no one is looking or when you're too engrossed with something, like munching on biscuits. The eat-walking syndrome..:)

This month, you have also mastered the art of climbing up stairs. Currently,you are still figuring out how to go down the stairs, something i think you will learn quickly enough given the opportunity. But sorry dear, I'm still coming to term with all these surprises you present to me, so i think we delay this one firstla ha?

You are also able to point to places/things you want now. And boy, you really know how to throw tantrum when your demands are not met. Yesterday, you were licking my hp so i took it away.. this was followed by you screaming, feet stomping, rolling on the floor, and the finale - sulking at the far corner of the room. I'm impressed! You also know how to fake a cry when you need our attention - squint eyes, pout lips and make some whiny sound.. but it works! You got our attention alright.. cos it's too cute to ignore! And if i were to raise my voice, you will cry teresak2 complete with air mata and all. Drama dah start..

One of the places you like to point to is the sky.. whenever you hear a bird chirping or an aeroplane flying by. On weekends, at home, you'll point towards the playground across the road when you hear kids playing there. Whenever i pick up my handbag and shut off the aircond in the morning, you will wave goodbye. When i carry you and step out the front door, you will wave goodbye. In Tok Ma's house, when i'm done puttin on your pyjama in the evening and i pick you up, you'll wave goodbye to other ppl around you. When you see a hphone lying around, you'll pick it up and put it close to your ears. You even know how to point the remote control to the aircond/tv and switch it on (i trust this is by luck!). It's amazing how you learn from all these routines. You will also raise both your hands when you hear "Allahuakhbar" and know how to do the 'zikir' motion ie rock your body back and forth when you hear us recite the zikir.

You have also developed your preferance for adult food. These days, we let you have what we're having. Porridge is still a no-go, so we tried feeding you bread soaked in milk/soup, soft rice, tofu - you love them. Babyfood is almost like a thing in the past.. or something that you will only take when you're really2 hungry. I dont really mind though cos your milk intake has been good despite all the adult food. So hopefully, we get to balance it right, giving you opportunity to explore while ensuring you take enough nutrients. The thing is choice is a bit limited with a toothless 11mth old baby kan?

Personalitywise, it's a known fact that you love to flirt with young ladies. whenever you see one unfamiliar person (girl) that you fancy, you will start to do the shy-boy act, complete with jeling2 and a cheeky smile. But when you're around ppl that you know, you become this noisy, playful, totally uninhibited boy -poking at us and 'running' away hoping that we'll chase u, babbling in our face when we're asleep, smiling in satisfaction when we are woken up, blowing bubbles, screaming, immitating.. so full of life!

Amir, the joy you brought to us is simply insane! This overwhelming feeling - it's almost physical i tell you. Every nite, when we gaze at your sleeping face, it never fail to remind us to thank God for such a wonderful gift and praise Him for such a perfect person..

We love you so much dear, words just cant describe..

Weekend walk

2008-06-22T21:36:00.011+08:00

Dear Amir,

Yesterday, Uncle Jo and family came over. You had fun playing with Kak Alia and Airel, who is by the way getting more handsome now that he gained more weight. Airel has 4 teeth now and very keen to bertatih but cant crawl just yet. You on the other hand prefer to do it all by yourself and once we hold your hand, your legs will go all limp and you'll refuse to stand. And oh yeah, no tooth yet.

Sharing same cot for few weeks - Amir 2 weeks old, Airel a few days old

3 months old

Two handsome boys - 7 months old

Enjoying each other's company last Saturday - although doesnt look like it here!

Anyway, I made nasi ayam, and prepared the baby version separately (much softer, without salt, less onions, garlic, ginger). You rejected the chicken rice and opted for the rice poridge that Aunty Rozy brought for Airel. Tensionnya! Wateva it is, i decided to stop fretting over this matter and just ensure that you're eating well.. homecooked or otherwise.

Today, we went to the Curve to meet up Uncle Irwan and Aunty Syude who are expecting their firstborn in Nov. And for the first time, we brought you for a movie - Kungfu Panda! Weeee! Finally, mission SUCCESSFULLY accomplished. You were very curious when we first went into the cinema and was 'flirting' with Aunty Syude. Then you got busy with popcorn and the widescreen. 20 mins in, you doze off.. The movie was great and i guess just the right kind for a first timer like you, cos the cinema was far from quiet since 60% of the audience were kiddies anyway.

We then loitered in the Curve. I found few places selling stuff that are available at my shop at double the price! Anyway, you refused to sit in your stroller, but more interested in pushing it around. So i let you.. orang baru boleh kaki la katakan.. so you literally jalan-jalan in the Curve for the first time. Although at a very snail pace, you were very determined and refused my assistance.

So that was our weekend.. and just like that, my baby's a big boy now.

See, dah pandai posing! I like this pic..

But seconds later, you turned around and almost knocked Kungfu Panda down!

See who's the dragon warrior now..

Can I take your order sir?

2008-06-20T23:40:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir

I'm currently having a sudden 'mild depression' from reading other mummy blogs which features homecooked babyfood for their little ones..

As I was reading the posts, it occured to me that it is actually very simple to prepare your food, so it's frustrating to 'suddenly' realised that I didnt cook for you as much as I should.. especially when i like cooking.. (now, do i??)

Anyway, 'remedy' is on the way cos tomorrow is weekend anyway. So.. with semangat yang membara2.. what would you like to eat tomorrow dear?

Wateva it is, my boy is one healthy baby.. and i'm a happy mom, and that's all that matters..

Enjoying HOMECOOKED pasta.. screaming for ever bite

p/s : You took about 4-5 unassisted steps today, wat's not to be happy abt huh?

Sneak previewss

2008-06-19T00:00:00.002+08:00

Dear Amir,

It was just the two of us. You were standing against the sofa when suddenly a bird appeared at the window and chirp loudly. You looked at me and smile, quickly gathered yourself, and in excitement, you took your first independant step towards to windows..

So, that was how it happened. Just a sneak preview..

And, here's another sneak preview of my latest project..

Happy Papa's day

2008-06-15T22:09:00.007+08:00

Dear Amir,

We celebrated Fathers Day last Sunday by having buffet dim sum with Tok Pa and the rest of the gang courtesy of Tok Ma. It's first celebration for your Papa and the first for Tok Pa as a granpa. Since it's a few days delayed already, i think i'll just let the photos do the talking.

Anyway, Happy Fathers Day Pa, we love you, grumpy, forgetful, andropause and all.. ; )

And dearest, thank you so much for everything! Especially for sacrificing your sleep for Amir's nite (bottle)feeds. We love you Papa!

Papa holding you for the first time..

New granpa beeming with pride

Restless Amir and the Toks

Kenyang perut senang hati

Amir - ready for FRESH food

Step by step

2008-06-13T21:45:00.006+08:00

Dear Amir,

Alhamdulillah Tok Ma is getting better. Doctor said the bladder infection is very bad and it's not 100% clear yet but she's been given the green light to go back, with lots of conditions though..

We both accompanied Tok Ma at the hospital today. Tried to finish some work that requires Tok Ma's input but our big boss, aka YOU decided we can save that for another day and demanded our attention by refusing to sit still.. except when one of the young nurses come in to check on Tok Ma.. my little boy and young ladies.. hmpphh..

When we got home today, you put up a little show for us - a new trick you've mastered recently.

The thing is this is only the second time you did this but boy.. you were just like a pro. In fact the first time we let your climb last week, you hardly pass the second step and was very unsure of your moves. This is not all though, when i dragged you down, you went up the stairs again, but this time instead of crawling up, you just STEPPED UP while holding to the rail!

Well, as much as I am worried about this new trick, i'm also happy that my baby is developing just fine, despite the fact that we are cheapskate parents and choose not to rely on those structured physical play programs as a learning process.

Oh yeah, today, i let you have a go at an ice lolly. Your gum were a bit swollen and you're rubbing them whole day.
Ok, lame excuse. In fact it may just be my imagination.

Bila Amir nak tumbuh gigi ni??

Retiring Tok Ma

2008-06-12T01:28:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir,

I cant sleep again.. was really sleepy just now but once i've changed your diapers, basuh botol, tuck you nicely, eh.. fresh pulak..

Was really engrossed doing final touch up for the diaper cake order. It's been a slow progress this one.. but i thk i'm going to be overly proud of the outcome. this diapercake, it's getting addictive.. i know another one order is on the way.. just waiting for the lucky one to 'pop'! Anyway, short advertisement

http://thetotshop.blogspot.com

Anyway, Tok Ma got hospitalised last nite. Suspected bladder infection. No wonder she's been under the weather these past few weeks, the doc said her system may have gone berserk cos the bladder not functioning well. Anyway, she did several test and still waiting for result n final diagnosis. Kesian Tok Ma. Today mama tak sempat visit her yet cos I was in Ipoh with Papa for a meeting. For the first time, you stayed at home with the new bibik, Kak Lisa. Uncle Cho brought Aunty Farah to help babysit you. Uncle Wan was also there. But there's no telling how uneasy i am about leaving you home without Tok Ma's supervision. Actually i feel sad too cos you're beginning to understand now.. so you did give me a hard time (and all your best to cling on me) when i was about to leave this morning.

Anyway, your Tok Ma's condition is kinda blessing in disguise. She's finally going to pass the (business matters) baton to me to handle. I think at her age, she deserves all the good rest she needs and there's no better way to prove this to her than wat happened last nite when she's suddenly hospitalised and everything went kelam kabut. So Amir, your job from now on is to entice her to sit still, relax more and play with you..

The week we had

2008-06-07T22:15:00.002+08:00

Dear Amir,

Petrol price naik lagi! Before this our waja full tank was around RM95 and that usually lasts us 4 days average. Last nite, we filled up full tank, the first time after the price increase.. it costs us RM135!! At the rate things are going.. maybe we wouldnt mind being a family of 3 for a while la kot.. But an adik for u would be nice kan, kan? : )

Aaanyway, let's put that aside and talk about fun thing should we? Last nite, we went out to Aunty Hetz place. Yazid and Mia was there. So was my frens, Aunty Lish, Aunty Shaz and Uncle Jo. You had fun playing chase with Uncle Jo and was wide awake past midnite. Needless to say you slept like a ..err baby last nite.

Earlier this week, Tok, An and Mak Su was here. Your Pak Ngah wanted to introduce his girlfriend to the family, so we had a lunch gathering at home. Mak Long and family and Pak Teh also joined. Cooking for the whole lot, especially for such an occasion was quite somethingla, but I survived unscathed. Tok and An was very happy since everyone was around. You on the other hand really enjoyed all the attention. You really like Mak Su.. just like how you are really into Che' Su. Tok Ma said that's typical of you and young girls.

Tonite, you knocked off effortlessly at 8pm. And since i think my turn has come for the flu bug (thanks to Tok Ma and Papa), i think i'll retire early too. Good nite dear..

The manja boy

2008-06-03T22:33:00.000+08:00

Dear Amir,

Just finished 'wrestling' you to sleep. About a mth ago, i remember telling someone how fortunate i am now that you sleep throughout the nite from 8pm till 7am without waking up for feeds in between. A month on now, your bodyclock seems to reset all over again. You've been going to bed later and later, and wake up in between for nite feeds 2 to 3 times a nite.. sigh.. I noticed that this happens after our honeymoon trip to Jakarta. Payback time huh?

Nonetheless, your manja-ness now bertambah2. Will only doze off while snuggling and will wake up in the middle of the nite for few times to reposition yourself as close as possible to (or on) me or Papa. There were few occasions when you put your cheek on mine and hug my neck. Funny! But not at 3am when i'm fast asleep.

Speaking of manjaness, you love to nuzzle and kiss my 'twins' now. Siap with a cheeky smile pulak tu. The other day, i woke up to you trying to nurse! I dont know wat to say about this. It feels weird (what with the cheeky smile) but i try my best to put things in perspective.. that u're a baby who finds everything amusing and will show affection in any way possible. Anyway, it gives me a hint of wat bfeeding is likela i suppose.

That's all for tonite. Sorrylah dear, very tiredlah these days. tend to sleep very early too.. inversely related to your sleeping time..heh!

Oh.. lastly, nope, no teeth yet.

Amir at 10

2008-05-23T23:24:00.002+08:00

Dear Amir,

You turned 10 months today. 2 more months, and you're one!

I've started to bug Papa about your bday celebration plan.. big-small? family-friends? cook-buy? our hse-tokpa's? So over-excited kan? Menu? Doorgift? Thought nak join with your akikah cos we havent paid the deed yet, but then again maybe that has to combine with our hse-warming later.. whichever lah.. we know we owe a lot of ppl makan2 at our (not so) new home.

Aaaanyway, today, as a 'bday' feast, Tok Ma let you have a little taste of air sirap daun pandan..and u love it.. so much so that when u're offered the plain water, you simply push it away. For your 'bday dinner', I let you have some lasagna while tokma fed you some mash potato and corn. At the rate we're feeding you, it's no wonder you have not developed the interest for the plain tasting porridge still

At 10 mths, i think everything is progressing well with you. In fact, with the current fever season, I'm somehow reminded how lucky we are that you have not been suffering from much illnesses ever since you're born. Alhamdullillah. This month, Tok Ma said if you were to follow my footsteps, you'll be able to walk around next mth. In fact, tok ma said i learn to talk around this age too. Similarly, your babbling has improved tremendously that sometimes it does resemble real words.. then again, maybe i'm just perasan lebih. There's one thing that we are waiting for anxiously though.. your first tooth. Nope, no sign yet. Been drooling and biting our fingers for ages but the precious one has yet to arrive. Your paed said it's ok.. like everything else, it'll progress on its own.

So wat are we up to this month? A walking Amir? Or your first tooth cutting through?

Wateva it is, we love you all the same, rongak or otherwise.

Happy Birthday sayang!

A 'little' update

2008-05-20T23:46:00.005+08:00

Dear Amir,

The shop is a hit. I've got so many enquiries and quite a number of items are sold out now. I've to say thanks to all mummy bloggers who have wished me well on the store opening. A special thanks to Aunty Hetz for the advert on her blog, cos that has really increased the traffic to our little store.

I'm sitting for an exam early morning tomorrow. Tok Ma and Tok Pa was kind enough to offer to babysit you for the nite so that I can clock in extra (last minute) revision. So tonite, you're staying over at their house..something i'm regretting now, cos i really miss you now.. and it's not that i'm studying pun! This blog is a nice place to be whenever i miss u and anyway, it's been a while since I update about your antics. And boy, you really have got a lots of tricks up your sleeve now, havent u?

You like to take off your pants hand it over to someone like it's one piece of useless clothing. Papa said this is because i like to berkemban when i was pregnant with u, i said panasla wei..

You can stand on your own and whenever you do that you'll fish for compliment by smiling at us and clapping away

You know how to 'share' your pacifier - simply by shoving it into my mouth and when i refused, you'll let out a big laugh.. funny issit?

You can put on the cap of the bottle by yourself. Especially when you refuse to drink and need to make it clear to us

You like to push your forehead against mine and look into my eyes with a cheeky smile. I find this divine.. (and a bit Hindustani too..)

You'll usually pause and look around whenever you're about to do something no good. Macam check line gitu. And when you caught us looking, you'll smile and clap so that we wont be mad at u.

You can pass over anything in your hand to us if we open up our palm and say "Nak, please"

You can say 'Bah..' while waving goodbye

You call out 'Baaaaa' whenever you see Boy purring at our feet.

You like to push your index finger against mine.. very E.T. of you huh?

You like to nuzzle up against my chest and armpit (??!!) when you're about to sleep. Which reminds me of my obsession with your Papa's armpit when i was pregnant.. i kid you not.

You like to share pillow with me and hug my arms to go back to sleep when you wake up at night (they do resembles soft bolsters huh?)

You like to kiss and lick our feet. You especially enjoy it when we squirm or giggle. This turns me crazy cos it's really geli ok..

You LOVE to play tickle and you've learned to tickle me back.. i'm really amazed by this

All these makes spending time with you so interactive and even more enjoyable. I've been told by other mothers that it gets more fun as you grow older.. i dont know how that is possible.. more fun than this.. seriously?? Sadly tonite i wont be having this little boy nestling between my arms.. sleep well dear. See u bright n early tomorrow.

One well-ventilated and very happy boy

It's My Day

2008-05-12T12:29:00.003+08:00

Dear Amir,

Yesterday was the first time I celebrated Mother's Day. Not much of a celebration la actually, just lepaking and having fun with my two dudes at home. Frankly speaking, being a mom is still surreal to me, hence, I dont really identify with the whole Mother's Day celebration yet and in fact i think this year it's a bit low key. Maybe cos I didnt manage to watch any tear jerking Mother's Day movie (Eg : Stepmom).

My constant reminder of my status as a Mom (duhh!). A selekeh one that is, note the outgrown tshirt and overgrown hair..hehe

Anyhow, in the evening, we went out for some calorie feast in Secret Recipe and off to see THE mom, Tok Ma. There were no special celebration for Tok Ma. Instead she whipped up a feast for us! I kinda feel guilty and sad that she didnt get any treats that she very much deserved. I wanted to bake her a cake, cos making a card for her wont be cute anymore at my age. But i took a shortcut instead and bought her two slices of her fav carrot cake from Secret Recipe. Nanti once you can draw, i'll make u draw her a card ok, cos she deserved it. She deserved the whole wide world if u ask me. A great mom, a friend, a companion.. and now a super multitasking granma! Just when i tot i know how much she sacrificed as a mother, she proved me that she's way more than that, by happily putting up with your nonsense! I wish i can be more like her.. I can only wish I am half of what she is.. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY (TOK)MA!!

On the same note, Happy Mother's Day to all moms out there especially all mummy bloggers who has helped other mummies stay sane and shared a thing or two about this demanding full time domestic job.

Oh yeah, by the way Amir, i dedicate this to you.

Here's wat's missing

2008-05-07T01:59:00.000+08:00

Dear Amir,

You guessed it. I was/am too busy to even blog these days. But to do justice to this journal of your (our) life story, i'll try to jot a few 'happenings' but pls excuse the randomness.

Papa and me went to Jakarta recently. It was our first trip alone ever since you came into our life. Kira like honeymoon la.. although the trip was really meant as a biz trip.. (the perks of a family biz). Jakarta was fine, loads of colourful stories, but i'll blog abt it later, when i've got time, willpower and the pics uploaded. Oh, despite the honeymoon bit, I was Amir-sick.. became worse when we had to extend our stay due to cancelled flight.. yeah, more about it later.

When we arrived from Jakarta, Tok Ma told me that she's booked tix for you and her to fly back to K.Bharu. Leaving me behind??? After seveal days/nights of us being apart?? Noooo way! So i got myself a tix too and 2 days after i returned, we went back to K.B. Ayah Man did an akikah for Irfan and Tok Ma's sibling held a kenduri arwah for the first time. It was like a small impromptu reunion, but since almost everyone was around, we had a blast. All my close cousins were also back from KL, with their respective babies and pregnant tummy. On the 2nd nite, we ignored the rooms and opted for the living room. It was like those days but this time we have the juniors joining. I must say it wasnt a good idea cos you little ones did a tag team on us. A domino effect just because one decided to scream and cry non-stop. Anyway, i have loads of pics of you with Airil and Irfan and Kak Alia and Kak Fazlin. Since it will be quite sometimes till you get cousins from my side, i think this bunch will be your growing up gang. And boy.. you guys really love each other. Ok, ok, will post up the pics. (But i didnt manage to capture the group big hug pic.. so cute!)

Hmm.. besides the jetsetting.. (cheh!) I've also been bz with a new project now - my own venture, which i'd like to call MY own biz. So far been doing market research, and i think there's no such thing as perfect timing so there.. i'm going to start soon. And this, my dear, I dedicate to you. But yeah, i'll annouce it when i got everything sorted out

Talk about perfect timing, i've got a paper to sit on the 21st. And i only realised it last week. Nothing new... in the sense that i'm always a last minute person (not that i'm proud of it) and i have sat for that paper - twice.

And perfect timing is again out of the window cos I also realised that i missed to post about your 9th mth milestone. My bad. I wont spoil this one and opted for a quickie but i've got to say, u're getting cheekier - developed a cheeky meeky smile and this malu face u pull for strangers, more manja - love to hug n kiss my face and sleep at nite on papa's arm or sharing pilow with me, and smarter too - will look around/at us before doing any mischief (check line dulu!). Uncle Yeh also requested for more pics of you, unfortunately most of your recent pics are gone cos my dear pink Moto spoilt cos your milk spilt in my handbag, right through it. Again, my bad.

Well, a long one this has been. Random one, but i hope that fills in the gap of all the happenings. Hopefully one day when u read this u'll get to know that

You dont rule us, we get to go for honeymoon if we want to (oklah, thx to TokMa for the childcare service..ehhe)
This is when your Mama's big biz started (chewah!)
Tok Ma did try to kidnap you away from me once.. to no avail.. hehe
Doing last minute revision is not a good thing- u'll end up repeating the same paper again and again, trust me
Although i dont blog about your every single development (as i should - the reason for this blog) you never fail to amaze us and i do noticed all ur little tricks k?
Screw any bottle cap properly and never put it in your bag, next to ur handphone.

Ok, time to hit the sack, sharing pillow with the little King. fav time of the day.

My new work

2008-04-09T22:04:00.009+08:00

Dear Amir,

It's been more than a month since I joined the family biz. To date, it's been nothing short of great! Needless to say, I get to spend more time with my loved ones, you and Papa especially. I get to go to work at my own leisurely time and even if I need to payback by staying late, it would only be in the office with your Papa and Tok Pa or, better still at home working alongside Papa. Oh yeah, Papa and I get to go on more lunch dates nowadays too.

You have visited us a number of times at the office.. and everytime you pay a visit, it's almost like down time for everyone cos really, who can afford to work when there's cheeky meeky Amir aroundlah

The work itself is very enjoyable. Aunty Gja has also joined us recently as my right hand man(woman?). For the past week, Aunty Gja and me has been going around shopping malls and more looking for what the clients requested. We are currently establishing contacts with potential suppliers and clients. And since ppl are generally unique, we've got so many colourful stories to tell. Of course, there's a downside to this too ie ppl have hung up on us, flirted with us, vent out their frustration with world's injustice to us.. and it's only been a month plus and we're not even door-to-door salesperson! Nevertheless, it's great to be doing this with Aunty Gja cos she's a cool buddy though we can be the silliest duo sometimes.

On more on you now... you had your second haircut a couple of days ago courtesy of your Mama. While it's not totally disastrous, it doesnt turn out as 'nice'. What I did was a simple snip along your sideburn which turned out too.. emm.. abrupt. And in my effort to save the day, I 'improvised' your notorious jambul a little. Basically the end product is very senget benget everywherela..

Before - big hair

After - senget hair

You have also started to become one noisy and loud boy now. Here's you practiving your vocal early morning few days back.. actually more of tak puas hati cos we let you play alone a little too long.. hehe. And no, you're not doing your No 2, i'm not that mean ok?

You're 8 and I'm veryvery sorry

2008-03-29T09:11:00.008+08:00

Dear Amir,

Sorry i kinda forgot to update on your progress since u turned 8 mths! Anyhow, we did celebrate the day by inviting over Tok Pa, Tok Ma, Che Su and Tok De Loh's clan for my pasembor (your Tok's recipe). The pasembor didnt turn out as nice, it could have been better, but Papa was pleased that i triedlah.

Aaaaanyway, this month, you learned and mastered a lot of things.

One of which is 'flying'. Last Saturday, u fell off the bed for the second time. I'm at lost of words about this now. This time you were with Papa and both of you were sound asleep when it happened. I was cooking downstairs when I heard the thump, followed by your loud cry. All hell break loose and i was hysterical when i climb upstairs. I mean, again...??? I remembered crying louder and longer than you. That got Papa worried. Alhamdulillah you recovered very quickly and resume sleeping and woke up the happy smiling Amir again. Of course, i didnt. I blame this on me again cos i didnt move u to the cot before i left knowing that Papa always sleep like a log. I cried a lot on Saturday. There were many feelings that conquered me but your Papa was quick to bring me back to my senses. And having you chuckling and kissing my face wet cheerfully when i was crying helps to console me a bit (although it made me feel even more guilty at first). Oh this time, Tok Ma gave me her piece of mind too.. which made me feel really really really bad and sad : ( That made me feel like i'm a bad mother. Really. Oh well, i deserved it.

The high flyer - an hour after your first 'take off' last month

This is getting depressing..

On a happier note, you can say Mamma and Pappa now and guess what, we think your third word would be 'Boy' as in boy the cat of ours. Yes, Boy and you enjoy each others company now and like to gaze at each other for a long while. Whenever we call for Boy, you will start to scan the floor and search under the table and mumble bbhh.. bba.. so, yeah, we're guessing 'Boy' is the next in line.

You are constantly on the move now. Always pulling yourself up, against the sofa, against the bed, curtain, coffee table, us, our legs, my hair.. anything that u can pull and 'think' safe enough to hang for your dear life, you'll grab. For the record, you've been bumping your head everywhere..some leaving a red bump on your forehead.. but being the cool dude you are, you will normally pick up yourself and smile. You are also pro at using your thumb and index finger to pick the littlest thing on earth including dead bugs, stapler bits, coins.. hmmphhh..

This is your Tok Pa's ingenious cheapskate idea of keeping things under control

This month you have also finally discovered the actual function of (most of) your toys. So hopefully now you understand why Mama is so excited to shower you with all these fun coloured stuff. Your favourite now is Thomas the train given by Aunty Shaz. You love chasing it around, picking it up and throwing it about and yeah, munch and lick it every now and then.

And lastly, we finally got you a pair of shoes, just a cheapo one but yeah, at least u got shoes now. And those shoes, they made your legs go all limp.. hehe.. cos you're not used to wearing them so you wont stand in them. Cute!

Amir, let's try to be more careful now ok? All the crying is very tiringla... though it makes both of us sleep like a baby later.. : ). And as always, Mama loves you dearly no matter how bad my track record shows.

Lazy Thursday

2008-03-20T09:53:00.007+08:00

Dear Amir,

It's Mauludur Rasul today, a public holiday and we are planning to stay in and do some spring cleaning. But this morning i think we'll just progress at our own pace.. lazing around on the bed with you plucking and poking our nose, eyes, etc.

Sorry that i have not been updating much. Actually there's a lot to tell, about your progress especially but my new status as working at home mom (WAHM) has got the better of me. Since i started early this month, it's been busy busy busy but good kind of busy since wateva it is, i still have u right there by my side. Only thing is, though i get to spend more time with you, i think the real quality time is getting lesser cos now inevitably work and home do mix. Just bare with me k, i'm still adjusting.

Anyway, we bought you a walker and a high chair. And it's a great buy i must say cos now we get to enjoy our freedom more while you roam freely. I'm also beginning to appreciate the fact that our hse is so bare n empty now : ). The only setback is that the walker is a bit too bulky, but it doubles as a stepper, so we can still use it when u start walking. Tok Pa said i should'nt have bought that '5 series' model cos difficult to angkut back n forth from our hse to Tok Pa's house. My reply was for him was to stop complaining about my every purchase and buy you another one ; )

As for your high chair, we bought one from Ikea since so many mothers has recommended it. You are not that excited about it but dont mind sitting in it, if not for extended hours. Tok Ma called it your 'throne' and it'll follow you to the kitchen for meals and office for my peace of mind. So far things looks ok, you especially love swinging your feet while sitting in it. But I'm a bit worried when you got too excited about someone or something and started to 'jump' in your seat. Must record that 'spasm' mode one of these days, cos u get them a lot. Hope it doesnt develop into something serious or weird.

You have also started to tunjuk belang by pulling yourself up whenever you have the chance to. But cleverly enough, you have also learnt how to bent your knees when you are about to fall backwards. The thing is, too often you fell forward and that's even more dangerous cos your face might hit something, like what happened the other day in your cot. Nasib baik you pick yourself up and managed a smile.

I dont know if you have started to become a picky eater, but you generally dont take as much now. And since you have started to be mobile, i'm worried that you'll not be gaining as u should be. I noticed that you love those heinz yogurt but since it's so sour, i dont think that should be your main diet kan? Anyway, we had our third try with home made porridge, but you still wouldnt take it. Blended till smooth with chicken, no. Slightly coarse with carrots, no. Plain porridge with some apple sauce, only a bit. Tok Pa said you take after him cos he totally hates them too but wouldnt mind other cereals. So now, i just try to feed as much as you wanna take in and let you have lots of snacks in between cos you still love the biscuits/fruits, especially when we let you do your own thing.

Oklah, i'mgoing to go laze ard some more. Heck with the spring cleaninglah!

Too fast..

2008-03-13T00:29:00.004+08:00

Dear Amir,

We're back home. The trip to Alor Setar and Penang was grrreat!
Will write about it when i've got the pics loaded.
Basically mission accomplished! Papa voted. You get along extremely well with An, Tok and Mak Su. (And as a result) we got to go out for a short date. We got to eat Mee Abu, Laksa Teluk Kecai, Char Keuy Teow, (a big plate of) Pasembor, Nasi Kandar Caravan and of course all Tok's specialities. We did some shopping for me, you, our home and the dvd collection. Stay at hotel was really nice. And the drive to and fro was also smooth.

Anyway, just tot that i use this me time at 12.45pm to jot down some of your milestones.
Well, you have overcome your 'limping dog' phase and is able to crawl properly now, at an impressive speed too. We noticed this especially in Alor Setar when you effortlessly crawl a few steps, stop, turn around and then go the other direction. And when you think it's time to take a different perspective, you'll cling to anything you think is safe and start to pull yourself up. You did this so many times and in fact was successfull a handfull of time too. There was this one time, you actually take a few steps to your right, while holding on to the sofa. I'm still not digesting this cos i think your too young for this particular one.

When we were in the living room just now, it feels all different cos the big duvet spread over the hall is irrelevant now that your territory has suddenly multiply! We're so not ready with the babyproofing man..!

That prompted me to pester your Papa (again) to lower to cot level. And so he (finally) did today. That brings me to another milestone of yours. For the past couple of weeks, you have been sleeping through the nite without regular feedings at nite. On average it's only one feed now, but if we're lucky, you might prefer a bottle around midnite, and one around Subuh, which for me, is just perfect! In fact Papa will prefer this too cos i'm already very alert by these times hence he no longer needs to do the honourable chore of waking up to prepare ur milk. And now with the lower cot level, I think i'm going to try to train you to sleep through in the cot. But i'll miss the cuddles.. hmm..

Lastly, i think you're off your pacifier now. Your naps does not depend on it anymore. And even when you do wake up in the middle of the nite, you refuse to take it.. It's like you're in total control when it comes to the pacifier, wont let others shove it to you to keep you shut (hehe), will pick it up yourself when you feels you need it, and will take it off yourself when you think enough is enough.. so cool.

Although I've had the opportunity to witness the progress of each of these milestones each day you never fail to surprise me with the developments. And although it's happening right before my eyes, i cant help feeling that i've missed a lot of things and suddenly your this boy who's able to do this and that. I guess it's wat all mothers experience, regardless if they are there by the side of their babies physically 24/7 or not. For me, i hope you wont grow too fast but since there's nothing that can stop you, let me just tell you this now, you will always be my baby.
And there, officially.. you will always be Mama's little baby boy.

Ok, it's getting late. I'm going to get my daily dose of night cuddles (from you lah..). Gnite.